You are chosen

Our Ladies Bible study was in 1 Peter this morning.

We only got through the first few verses, but I enjoyed the insight into even just the introductory verses. 

The Apostle Paul was writing this letter to pilgrims, dispersed far from home. He reminded them that they were  "chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father and set apart by the Spirit for obedience and for sprinkling with the blood of Jesus Christ" (1 Peter 1: 2-3). 

God knew, from the beginning, that He would chose them. He knew every step they would take, every hardship they would face. The early church face heavy persecution, so I'm sure they're hardships really were great. These words here, they hold so much encouragement. These words reminded the early church, and even us now, that God is not a God who makes mistakes. He has a purpose of all of His people. He's set them a part for something greater than they can even imagine. Eternity in heaven with Him.

He chose us at the beginning, which reminds me of one of my favorite portions of scripture:

“For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your words are wonderful, I know this very well. My bones were not hidden from You when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in Your book and planned out before a single one of them began”

— Psalm 139:13-16, HCSB

You and I? We are no mistake. This life we live has purpose, has meaning because of Him. And although I have my weak days, my days of flesh, when my earthly glasses are in place instead of my heavenly ones, I truly believe this. I believe that God is at work in all of our lives. And that the hard days, the hard seasons, are here to draw us closer to Him.

He's chosen you.

How will that truth influence the way you live your life today?

High Priest

"But this is the covenant
that I will make with the house of Israel
after those days, says the Lord:
I will put My laws into their minds
and write them on their hearts.
I will be their God,
and they will be My people.
And each person will not teach his fellow citizen,
and each his brother, saying, “Know the Lord,”
because they will all know Me,
from the least to the greatest of them" (Hebrews 8: 10-11, HCSB). 

I read these verses early this morning, coffee cup in hand, fascinated by the image of Jesus as our High Priest. I've had a special connection with these verses ever since I took Beth Moore's study "A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place." That study brought the Old Testament Tabernacle to me, and really explained why the image of Jesus as our Ultimate High Priest would have meant so much to the Jewish people. For centuries they had lived under a structure that called for them to bring sacrifices to atone for their sin, again, and again, and again. The Levitical High Priests took these sacrifices and offered them up to God with prayer. When Jesus died on the cross for our sins and rose from the dead, he paid the ultimate sacrifice, and opened up the doors for us to live in communion with Him. Old Testament sacrifices would no longer be needed. Jesus, the High Priest of all, had atoned for all of our sins.

It's an amazing picture.

We no longer need to bring animal, after animal, after animal to the temple where God dwelt. Instead, God lives in each one of us. We know God, because He lives within us each and every day.

And this morning, that's such an encouraging thought. He has written His laws upon our heart. We're His, friends. And the silly mistakes we make? All of the areas as wives, mothers, friends, where we fall up short? It's already covered. 

I've made my share of mistakes all ready today, but the truth is that I have nothing to fear.  I'm already covered. 

The ways that I fall up short? He's already there, dwelling within me, ready to fill in the gaps.

The days when I don't have the strength to deal with the hurt, the pain, the frustration?

He's already there, with the answers, ready to work through me, to hold me up when I don't have the strength.

It's a powerful thought. Christ, the Ultimate High Priest, dwells within us. We are His temple 

Cherish it up

My mother often tells me how fleeting the years are. That she enjoyed each age as we were growing up, but often wishes she could go back and cherish those moments even more. 

I try to take her words to heart. I mull over them often, asking myself how I can make the most of today. Honestly, there are times that I really struggle to enjoy my children. Discipling can be rough. Making decisions can be rough. There are days when we're all grumpy and out of sorts. Days that we don't necessarily enjoy each other all that much. 

But there's still things to be thankful for, still moments to store up in our hearts. 

Our lives have changed so much from one Autumn to the next. Last Autumn, we had a tiny baby in the house. My girl started preschool, mostly so that Mama could get some rest, get the house in order, and run errands with only one child in tow. This Fall, we have an active toddler getting into everything and a growing Preschooler who is almost reading!

While some days are still really hard, it's hard to deny the blessings woven through the tapestry of it all. 

I want to take snapshots of it all, store up the moments in my heart, so that I can remember them in the years to come. 

Remember:

• My girl with her sweet little voice, asking me to play the Anna to her Queen Elsa, towel robe draped over her shoulders as she belts out "Let it Go."
• My little guy, obsessed with anything on wheels, scaling furniture and getting into all sorts of mischief, or busily playing with the legos and trains. 
• My girl saying that she "had too many hands" (her hands were full), or that the sky was waking up, or telling her friends about "her baby" (her little brother) or that Jesus (and her best little friend) were in her heart.  
• My boy, who still tucks his head on my shoulder and wants someone to lay next to him while he falls asleep at night. My boy, who still laughs hardest at his big sister and Papa. 

Friends, I've been in some of those valleys, those times that looked bleak, without joy or life. I've felt the darkness and hopelessness start to creep in. But I truly know that it's not how we're supposed to live. No, God gave us such beautiful blessings in this life. Breathe them in, even in the tough times. Take that walk to enjoy the Autumn hues, hug your babies, crank up the worship music a little louder, take those naps with your newborn, relish that baby scent. Enjoy today with your loved ones, because we truly don't know how many tomorrows we have. God has given us today to live. And so, I'm going to live it. Yes, it may have tears in it. Yes, Mama might still break down at times, but I'll do my best to love my kiddos, because they'll only be this exact age on this exact day once. And that means the bad days and the good days can only happen once, right?

This is the day that the Lord has made. What can you cherish up today?

Inconvenience? Or a beautiful reminder of hope?

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future”

— Jeremiah 29:11, NIV

Plans for hope.

I get so frustrated somedays. Somedays, I just can't seem to get it right. Nothing goes as planned. Dinner, isn't on the table at time, the kiddos don't nap, and don't give mommy any time to write during the day, errands are a disaster with two rambunctious kids in tow. And so on. Somedays just don't end up right.

Somedays, I just feel bogged down, frustrated, fumbling. 

I wonder what my purpose is in it all.

I get frustrated by the lack of time I have to myself. 

I get frustrated by the lack of things I actually checked off on my to-do list.

I start to resent my little ones, my husband, this life I've been given.

I start to see them as an inconvenience. 

Inconvenience.

That word was whispered to me this morning, as I rushed around, getting my daughter off to preschool, and stopping my son from climbing onto shelves and breaking beautiful things.

Do I think they're an inconvenience?

Do I rush through each day, so that I can have time away from them?

Now, I know in my heart that this isn't so. I know what a tremendous blessing they are in my life.

I know that I would give my life to protect them from harm.

That I will always be the first person to comfort them, sing to them, teach them about life.

But do my actions line up with this?

What do I do to show them how much they matter to me?

Do I give them my undivided attention each day?

Do I slow down, enough to actually listen to what they have to say?

Do they know that they are a priority in my life? 

I think the same could be said for my husband, other family members, even close friends.
Do they know this?

Or do I live my life so rushed, so always moving from one thing to the next, that I don't actually invest time in the relationships that mean the most to me.

God has given me such precious people to love in this world. I know that His plans for me are good, so I honestly want to try my best to speak love into those around me. God promises us hope and a future. Hope. Hope when it's hard to find it in ourselves, in the world around us. Hope, that just maybe, I can be reminded of in my children's eyes. Hope for tomorrow. Hope that God will take my beautiful family and do great things with them. Hope that I've been placed here, as a wife, mother, daughter, friend, for a reason. Hope that this military life, this career my husband has undertaken, has purpose, has meaning. Hope that God really does work for the good, even when it's hard for me to see.

And so, I pray for hope for all of you today. My you see it in the eyes of your loved ones today. May you slow down, slow enough to invest in those who truly matter most to you. Sometimes our brains can be deceiving. Put those lies aside today, dear friends, and focus on Christ's true hope. Hope that comes from Him alone. Hope that this life is a blessing, not an inconvenience. Hope that we have eternity in heaven to look forward to, with Him. 

Plans and Places

“For I have known the thoughts I am thinking towards you—an affirmation of Jehovah; thoughts of peace, not of evil, to give you posterity and hope.”

— Jerimiah 29:11, YLT

A new look will be showing up on the blog this week, I'm so excited! I hope you all enjoy it. And, if you follow me through a blog reader, hop on over to the actual site to see the difference! (It takes up to 72 hours for the changes to occur, so we'll see when that happens.).

With this new look, I should have the ability to update posts and add photos right from my phone. It was a tricky move, but I'm so excited to see what Squarespace 6 has to offer!

How are all of you this week?

Last week was definitely a hard week around here, but this whole season with little ones at home has been hard. I truly felt like I got a chance to breathe over the weekend. Weekends are definitely my favorite when the hubby is home, and the hardest when he's far away! I love the chance to relax, eat a big breakfast, and explore this part of our little world.

Going on weekend adventures is one of the  things we love about this military life. We've gotten to see so many beautiful places, all because the military transplanted us somewhere new.

It's hard not having much control over where we'll be sent next, or when. We always make suggestions, but that's all they are, suggestions. At times, we get so caught up in the control that the military seems to have over us. We forget that there's always One whose control is greater. Yes, paperwork may say one place or another, but I truly believe that God's hand can control the direction.

Jeremiah 29:11 continues to be on my heart. Last week, those plans centered around my children, today, my heart is thinking about future places we may live. But the same verse still rings true. God has a plan. As I look at past assignments, and even where we are now, I see God's hand at work. He's blessed us with good churches and good friends over the years. Even now, I adore our church family, look forward to my Ladies Bible study group each week, and am so thankful for our little rental house. 

There are definitely places I'd love to live during these military years, and others, not so much. As a planner, i like to know whats going to happen ahead of time. I like to get everything in order. But, military life doesn't play out like that. Sometimes, we go exactly where we don't want to go. And that's where God's purpose comes in. If I believe that God is really in control, and that His plans truly are good, then I just have to trust, even when I don't understand. I have to walk forward, following my husband and his career, and trusting that God will provide for us through it all. It's a hard thing to do. It involves a lot of trust in the unknowns (when I'd rather have all the answers in place). Sometimes, we wait, other times we walk forward and see what's up ahead on the next adventure. Right now, our family is in a waiting period. We're not going anywhere, but just wondering what our next adventure might be. It's a good place to be, surrendering, and waiting.

Where are you at today? Do you have anything or any plans you need to surrender? Can you see God's hand at work, or are you in a season of just having to trust in the unknowns?

His plans are good

"For I know the plans I have for you”—this is the Lord’s declaration—“plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. You will call to Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart" (Jeremiah 29: 11-13, HCSB).

If I could think of one portion of scripture from my childhood, it would be this. Growing up in Christian schools, it was often quoted, often referred to, often given as an answer to life's unanswered questions.

And it's truly a beautiful verse.

The problem is me.

There's an area of my life that's really hard right now. It's been really hard for me to see just how it could be God's plan. Just how it could be good.

That's probably why this scripture has been preached everywhere at me lately.

From online reading, to a class I took, to the pulpit, I've heard a resounding theme "God's plans are good."

It's as if my heart as been asking, do you truly believe this? Or has life's trials and hardships started to wear you down?

As a child this truth was much easier to believe than now.

It's something that is far easier to believe when life is going just fine, when happiness is in sight.

But when I'm in the middle of difficulities, when my days drag on and on, when life has me feeling run down, defeated, it's a little harder for me to take. A little harder for me to believe.

I feel the doubt seeping in.

I don't like to admit that. Already I want to delete the sentences up above. But it's real and true and genuine.

Sometimes I doubt.

In our Influence Network class Tuesday night, Heather Boersma reminded us that the invitation is out there for us to trust Jesus with our everything. She laid out scripture so beautifully, reminded us that God's promise is His presence in our lives, all of the time. All things I know, but it was so refreshing to hear anew.

He's always present. Always near, even when it's hard to see Him at work.

This life can be so painful. It's taken me along time to see that, to experience that. I've been struggling lately, not understanding why I have to go through certain trials, why my life is the way it is.

But He's there, and He has good things in store.

Not a truth I've always been ready to hear, and one that is hard to share when loved ones are going through hard times.

But it's there. It's scripture. And it's true.

So what do we do, when what we feel and what we know to be true don't match up?

Honestly pray, and give Him the befuddled pieces, seek His presence

As Heather reminded us all Tuesday night, God's presence is a beautiful gift that's always there. And this is what happens when we bask in His presence:

"You will keep the mind that is dependent on You in perfect peace, for it is trusting in You. Trust in the Lord forever, because in Yah, the Lord, is an everlasting rock!" (Isaiah 26:3-6, HCSB).

He is our rock, our strength, our everything. And so, I honestly give Him my doubt. I give Him the pieces of my everyday. And I let Him grow new life out of it all.

Why?

Because His plans are good.

Gracious Lord Jesus. I know that your plans for me are good and true and right, but I really don't see that right now. Please give me your peace as I go down this hard road. May your presence be evident in my life today and everyday. Amen.

Ask

"Do you sense your own need for a stronger faith? If so, follow the example of the disciples [see Luke 17:3-5] and ask Him for an increase. Thank Him that He has given to every man and woman a measure of faith--and then ask Him to increase the measure He gives to you. Ask Him to perfect whatever is lacking in your faith" (Chuck Smith, Faith, 296).

I am my worst critic. I see my imperfections as a friend, a wife, a mother. I will criticizing myself, pointing out my own lack of faith, lack of trust in God. I see the weaknesses there, I know there's room for growth.

I loved these words up above from Chuck Smith. We just have to ask. If we see an area that need improvement ask. Ask for increased faith. Ask for help forgiving, for getting over resentment, for doubt that has creeped in. Ask.

Pray and ask.

Ask for the faith to trust Him with your insecurities, your struggles, your pain, your sickness. Ask for the faith that seems lacking.

Ask.

Planting

"By obediance to the truth, having purified yourselves for sincere love of the brothers, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, since you have been born again--not of perishable seed but of imperishable--through the living and enduring word of God" (1 Peter 1:22-23).

We talked about this verse in Bible study yesterday. One of my friends mentioned that we are planting a seed in our children (family members, friends, etc.) that can't perish. That seed has been planted on their heart. It may take time to cultivate and grow, but it will, eventually, prosper. Only God knows the timetable, it may take awhile, but, right now, it may just be time to plant. Time to place the seeds. Time to teach our loved ones God's word.

This was so encouraging to me yesterday.

Such a reminder that this life is so much more than me. That God's kingdom has such a great stretch. He sees what's up ahead. He knows when those seeds will begin to grow. But for now, I just need to plant. Invest. Share. Love. Teach my children the difference between right and wrong. Teach them how to serve Jesus with their lives. Plant God's word deep in their heart. And let God grow in His own time.

Autumn Blessings

The last few weeks have gone past like a whirl-wind. From traveling to a conference, going away for a weekend, entertaining here at home, and visiting family down South, we've hardly unpacked.
There have been a lot of late nights, a lot of out of the norm for the kiddos, a lot of hugs, a lot of memories, a lot of fun in this Southern Autumn.

Autumn in the South is a crazy thing. One day we're sweating it out in tank tops and shorts, cooling off with an afternoon swim, the next we're huddled down in sweatshirts and scarves, turning on the heat in our house.
It's crazy, but I kind of like it.
I love that the grass stays green far into winter around here, that flowers and veggables still grow, yet the trees still have an Autumn hue to them. The Autumn colors are nothing like up North, but they still make me smile.
I love Autumn.

I'm finding a certain amount of peace in being here, at this time.

The military life can be so transient. There's so much upheaval involved, between deployments, cross-country moves, rental property changes.

It can be hard to feel settled. Hard to put down roots.

But then, there's the people who love us.

People who we seek out, travel to see, and who reciprocate.

They're family. Yes, they're imperfect, they may even annoy us from time to time, but memories with them are so sweet.

I try my best to capture the moments on camera. I soak up the early morning cups of coffee with my mom, the afternoon hardware store runs with my dad.

But most of the moments are stored up, deep in my heart.

Precious pictures are taken.

Taken when I'm not distracted by technology. When I'm doing little, everyday tasks with those I love.

Who knows how many more such memories I'll have with them.

Life goes by so quickly.

And so, I do my best to cherish the times.

I feel so blessed to have people we miss.

People we look forward to seeing on holidays, vacations to the beach, and random weekends in between.

Some of these people are blood relatives, others are family of the heart. People God has placed in our lives for just a time as this.

I'm blessed because I'm loved. Because I'm missed. Because I have family and friends to look forward to seeing.

I've been mulling over a certain verse lately. In Romans 8:28 Paul writes,

"We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28, HCSB).

This is a verse people like to throw at situations. It's so easy to say it, without truly believing it.

And so, my heart has been asking, do I?

Do I believe that God has good in store for my life?

Do I believe that we are in this military life for a reason?

That we have been asked to live this transient lifestyle, this deployment filled, sometimes lonely life?

Do I trust that these children are mine because God placed them here?

That things only happen in this life because He (God) wants them too?

Do I trust that He truly is in control?

That He truly has good things in store for me.

Deep questions, I know.

And so, there you have it.

It's a blessing to be missed.

It's a blessing to live this life God has given me to the utmost.

To love those that He's placed in my life.

To truly believe that He has good in store for me.

To believe that His plans are intentional.

That it's good.

The Tongue

I wrote some pretty raw things this morning. Usually I'm pretty free with my thoughts here. This is my encouragement, my ministry, my place to share my heart with all of you. But this morning, I paused, feeling that it wasn't time to share. And so, for now, those words will stay in the archives. 

Words, oh how I love them. They're such a powerful tool. They can be used for so much good in this world, so much encouragement, so much strength. God's word is such a living and active tool. It's so beautiful.  But we have to be careful with words as well, both written and spoken. James warns us about the power of the tongue. Things that come out of the tongue can hurt, and they can't be taken back. Once they've pricked a heart, they can do a lot of lasting damage. In my own life, I speak too freely at times. I speak, instead of contemplating my words first. My husband is so good at thinking before he speaks. I admire that quality in him, it's one that I want to emulate.

"My dearly loved brothers, understand this: Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for man’s anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness" (James 1:19-20, HCSB).

"So too, though the tongue is a small part of the body, it boasts great things. Consider how large a forest a small fire ignites. And the tongue is a fire. The tongue, a world of unrighteousness, is placed among the parts of our bodies. It pollutes the whole body, sets the course of life on fire, and is set on fire by hell" (James 3:5-6, HCSB).

The tongue, words, there's power there friends. Power for good, and for bad.

I pray that my words here, at Deployed Heart, serve to encourage and strengthen you. That you leave this little online home renewed, encouraged and seeking Jesus. Always Jesus. 

Legacy

Sometimes I look back and try to remember them. My grandparents (on my mother's side) died my freshman year of college, within a four month window of each other. I try to remember them, and wish I could talk to them now. I have some regrets looking back, which doesn't help much now. We moved back to Michigan to be close to them, the summer I was fifteen. I was excited about the move, but sometimes I resented going up to see them so much on the weekends. I wanted to do stuff with friends, be involved in our own area.
But I also loved them dearly. I have so many found memories of their farm. Growing up, my cousins and I would build forts in the trees lining the pastures. We'd play huge games of hide and seek in the outbuildings. Or spend hours riding our bikes in the driveway. Later, my grandparents bought a little golf cart, and we'd ride it up and down the hills, exploring the corners of the land. Sunshine, rain, snow, we forded all sorts of conditions to get outside in that little golf cart.
My grandparents taught me a lot about love. My how they loved. Their house was always brimming over with cousins, in laws, distant family members, and a family they ran into at the grocery store.
They never had much money, but they always gave, the extent to which we didn't know until after they were gone.
I counted once, growing up, and their were thirteen of us cousins at the time. Thirteen! It's rather sad to think that we've all gone such different directions now. That it's been years upon years since we've been together, in the same place.
My grandparents valued family, so we were all expected to be there for holidays, overflowing the dining table to the card table, and even into the garage one Thanksgiving!
They weren't perfect people by any means, but they loved Jesus. They took some time to get there, but they both believed in His blood that was shed for their sins.
I'm thankful for the influence, big and small, that they had on me. The footsteps they left for me to travel in.
My grandfather was a history buff, a passion he often shared with me, spending hours pouring over genealogy spreadsheets with me.
My grandmother was a baby lover, everyone's favorite babysitter, a singer, love of Turner Classic movies.
Without realizing it, they've left me a lot.
I know they'd love my husband, and my babies. They'd be so proud of the military service my husband does for his country, they'd be flashing pictures of their great-grandkids to strangers at the grocery store, telling them all about the next generation.
They were just like that.

What a legacy.
What a heritage.
What beautiful memories to preserve.
And how thankful I am that I'll get to hug them again someday.

The Influence Conference 2014 Recap

I think my brain, my heart, is still decompressing from The Influence Conference.

It was truly an intense, thought provoking weekend. I came to the end of each day bone weary, climbing into my comfy bed and quickly falling off to sleep.

But it was a good tired.

It was the tired of a heart that was being pushed, of someone who had heard some words of truth spoken over her life. 

Being in a situation with 300 unknown women wasn't easy for me. I'm not really a crowd sort of girl, more of a one-on-one type. 

But this event pushed me. Pushed me to introduce myself, even if I did feel awkward and out of place. Pushed me to make some new friends through the process.

I think, perhaps, the first day, I pushed myself a little too hard. I felt my body saying that I needed a break, my head was pounding, shoulders sore, but still I pushed on. (I hate thinking that I missed something!). 

I don't think I gave myself the space I needed. This sounds a little silly to write, following the words up above about pushing myself to meet new people. Does it make sense though? Sometimes it's good to stretch, good to seek, good to reach out and make new friends, but we all have our limits. We all have breaking points. 

In Friday evening's session, Lara Casey reminded us to pay attention to our bodies, to recognize what they're telling us. I had come to a point on Friday of desperately needing rest, even if I didn't want to admit it.

Saturday was so much better. I gave myself permission to NOT attend everything. To NOT feel like I had to meet every person at the conference. To NOT feel like I had to be passing out my business card and promoting my blog all the time.

Such freedom comes with that.

There's such freedom in letting go.

 And I have to say that I enjoyed the second day even more. I enjoyed letting myself have breaks, roaming the halls of the hotel, even lounging in my room for a bit watching tv. I mean, this was my unique weekend away from kids! A total new experience for me, I needed to embrace it :)

I loved all of the classes, all of the things to learn at this conference. I've always been a bit of a school nerd. Taking classes in a Christian environment made it even better. I definitely took home some useful tools for writing, blogging and business in general.

But, for me, the points that hit home the most were the points of the heart. The things God spoke to me. My favorite two sessions were by the founders of The Influence Conference, Haley Morgan and Jess Connolly.  I loved their honesty and transparency. 

On Friday, Hayley talked about "The Try Hard Life." Here's a few bullet points from her talk that really meant a lot to me: 

• "His Spirit lives within me--so it pushes out all of that try-hard and look-at-me."
• What is the ARC in my own life? Pinpoint 5-15 things that changed me. 
• "There's nothing that will make God love you less or more" 
• "We need to preach the gospel often enough to ourselves to remember it"
• "The Gospel is like a diamond, it's beautiful from a billion different angles. Just look closely at each side and tell the world about it" Haley Morgan quoting Jess Thompson
• "How can I flip the idea of insignificance on it's head?" 
• "Make the best decision you can at the time and walk forward"
• "Every single day I have influence, because I am in Christ and Christ is in me"

 So much to ponder over here. I definitely have a lot to stew over in my journals. 

On Saturday, Jess Connolly had her talk. This was the point that I lost it, y'all. I truly was in tears during the worship set immediately following all of this. God has some deep things He's working on in me. Walls and expectations that definitely need to change. Thank you for your words, Jess Connolly, They truly affected me. And thank you to my new friend Lauren, who let me poor out my heart at the conference. I loved getting real with you like that. Here's a few bullet points for you all:

• "It's worth us taking the time in the early stages of building to ask why we're building"
• "God loves His Kingdom. God hates my kingdom. He loves when I build His kingdom."
• "God hates it when I give enough tidbits to affirm me.
• "God hates it when I love my husband and kids just enough. When I love them just enough to be good for me"
• "How do I need to love my family to build God's kingdom?" 
• "What does God think about my kingdom?"
• "When I say: 'take my business, take my influence, take my passions, and remove them from me,' God says, 'Take this business, take your influence, take your passions and just use them for me'" 
• "God is out for His glory, but He is gracious"
• "God doesn't want a better life from you, He wants a better life for you."

 There's so much here, it's really all my brain can process at the moment. Right now, I'm getting our household back in shape, ferry-ing Emma back and forth to school, and praying about what God might have next in this little live of ours. I definitely don't want to just file this past weekend away in my memory, without taking some things to heart. Thank you for reading my words today. I hope you found them interesting. Join me at The Influence Conference next year? 

 

Aroma

"But thanks be to God, who always puts us on display in Christ and through us spreads the aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. For to God we are the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing. To some we are an aroma of death leading to death, but to others, an aroma of life leading to life. And who is competent for this?"  (2 Corinthians 2:14-16, HCSB).

I love the language used here. We are the fragrance of Christ. He moves through us, ministering to others through us, each and every day. 

Others know about Christ because of us. Because we live our days serving Him and sharing His love with others. 

It's all Him. It really has nothing to do with us. It is Him moving, Him reaching hearts. Him ministering through us.

The first use of "aroma," or "savour" in the KJV, is the Greek word euōdia

• a sweet smell, fragrance
• a think well pleasing to God
• a sweet odour, spoken of the smell of sacrifices and obligations, agreeably to the ancient notion that God smells and is pleased with the odour of sacrifices

The other mentions of aroma/fragrance are from the word osmē, which just means a smell, odour 

To some, we bring sweet smells of worship, of grace, of fellowship with Jesus. To some, it's the smell of His rejection. It's sad of think of, and harsh, but some will just chose not to follow Him. I'm happy it's not our place to decide. That we can keep on sharing Christ's love right up to the end. Only God knows their hearts. Only God knows just what fragrance they breathe in.

But on a positive note, did you know that you are a wonderful, cherished fragrance? That God is well pleased with your life of worship?

Today I'm heading to The Influence Conference, to worship with a beautiful fellowship of believers. Please pray for me while I'm there? I'm so excited to meet like minded woman who understand that beautiful influence they each have in their own circles. I'm looking forward to the new friends I'll meet, and worshiping with all of these great ladies! I can't wait to share with you all that I learn. 

Sunshine

Sometimes I have to remind myself of the good.
This past weekend, we packed up our family and headed two hours North for the day. I'm never sure how such roadtrips are going to go. In the past, taking my kids out of their normal routine has not always had the best results. But Saturday was not that day.
We can't always have bad days, right?

We didn't meet with any horrific traffic jams, the kids didn't scream and holler the whole way there, they didn't even have tantrums from getting too overly tired. We just had a nice day. And it was good for my soul.
It was good to just laugh, just love, just walk around a pretty garden, exploring where the paths might take us.
It was good just being together, celebrating a milestone. Celebrating an anniversary. Celebrating six years of marriage to my significant other. 
Originally I was a little bummed, wishing we had a good babysitter on hand so that the husband and I could have a night out. But, this was equally wonderful. It was treasured. Memory filled.
I'm so thankful that God gives us such days.
Days that are out of the normal rut. Days that are different from the normal routine.

At this garden, our kids were able to run, explore, watch the toy train set go round and round at the pavillion.
We had a nice lunch, Lebanese, which seemed the perfect thing to have, bringing back memories of a past trip the husband and I once took.
In the afternoon we window shopped in one of my favorite little towns, stopping for a coffee break at a funky little cafe.

It was simple, relatively inexpensive. Blessed.
I'm so thankful for sunshine days.
They bring hope in the other times. They brought joy to yesterday, when the kids were grumpy (probably after the long daytrip). Memories like that hold us through the mundane. They remind me that my kids really aren't all bad. They do have manners. They can be respectful, loving, attentive. They can, sometimes, just go with the flow.
They can be fun.

There are some times that I live safe, I stay in the routine because I don't want to see what would happen when we step outside. I've seen the bad spectacles enough, that I'm afraid to stretch my kids too far out of the norm. But, by doing that, I may also miss out on some sunshine days. Don't get me wrong, I know how important routine is to my children, they thrive on it, but I also think days like Saturday do us some good. It's a way that my husband is a good influence on my life. He encourages me to live outside of boundaries, try new things, experience life unplanned . He encourages me to seek sunshine days, filled with memories. What a blessing he is to planner me.

And how thankful I am for the ocassional sunshine day that God brings into our lives.

Have you experienced any sunshine lately? What gets you through the rough patches?

Our Thoughts

"We demolish arguments and every high-minded thing that is raised up against the knowledge of God, taking every thought captive to obey Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:4b-5, HCSB).

With The Influence Conference less than a week away, I've been researching other attendees, reading up on some of their blogs, trying to get to know them ahead of time. 

It's hard to not start comparing. 

To wish I was different.

Or to wonder where my place in all of this is.

I've started to struggle, wondering how real my calling could be. My calling that I've always felt on my heart. My drive to write, to share, to witness, to encourage.

When I read 2 Corinthians 2 this morning, it truly spoke to my heart. It was such a good reminder to take every thought captive. Insecurities, comparisons, disputes, to give all of it to Jesus, and replace it with His knowledge and truth. To replace the lies with His truth.

The truth is that this is my influence, this is my world. God has called me to live it out to the best of my ability. He's called me to do what He wants me to do.

It's beautiful to think that, next week, I'll be around like-minded women. Women who get the blogging thing, the mothering thing, the spouse thing. Women who are struggling along, trying to figure out their own, distinct calling. Women who struggle with seeing their own influence. Who struggle with feeling insignificant, just like me.

We all have beautiful stories to tell.

Mine? It's a story of a military wife and mother. Someone who has been torn from friends and family. Someone who is learning to love, wherever her feet are planted. Someone who is learning how to build a home for her family, who is learning how to share Jesus in her life.

That's influence. My husband, my children, new friends I make a new churches, moms I meet at the park each week. It's amazing how small, but yet how significant our influence reaches. My job? Live what God has called me to do. Share, what He has placed on my life. Know that the people who read my blog are the people that God wanted. If their hearts are being changed by this. Then, that's truly enough. Numbers? They don't really matter. Living out what God has called me to do? That's what's important.

What about you?
What has God called you to do?
What's your influence?

Rest

It's the flesh moments that get me down sometimes.

It's the days when crankiness seems to follow me, perhaps I have a headache, perhaps the kids have been after each other all day, clingy with me, grumpy, hungry, over tired.

It's the days I see my life with my own eyes, instead of God's. It's the days that I see flesh, brokenness. Pieces that couldn't possibly be whole. 

It's the days when I see the worst in my children. Because honestly, I see more of that then anyone else. Those angels at school and church? They were over tired and grumpy when we got home. Those kids that were well behaved at the play date? Yeah, they had melt downs on the way home. 

That life that seemed so put together? On the inside, it feels like it's falling apart. Sometimes we need a reset. Sometimes it takes true rest for us to come back in with new perspective. 

Holley Gerth said it best: "You are not infinite. You are human. You have limits. Acknowledging that is not selfish; it’s worship." Check out Holley's post "It's Okay for You to Rest". It was something I needed to read this week.

My perfectionist nature wants to fix everything.

My peacemaker heart hates any sort of conflict.

My neat freak tendancies want to clean everything up.

But somedays, I just have to step away. 

I have to read a book.

I have to get out of the house by myself, even if it's only to the grocery store.

I need to breathe.

Tuesday was such a day for me. It was a rough one, friends. What started as a pleasant morning, quickly turned into a horrible afternoon. I could tell when my daughter got in the car after school. I could see it in her eyes. Prime tantrum material. I tried my best to curb it. I spoke gently. Suggested we quietly cuddle and read some books before nap time. I truly felt like I tried my best to smoothly get us through the afternoon. But it didn't work. And I felt defeated. Hopeless. Alone. I called my husband in tears, overwhelmed. In that moment he calmed me down. Reminded me that Mommy still had to be Mommy. That I was doing nothing wrong. This was not my fault. I was not failing. 

Getting out of that negative thinking pattern is hard for me sometimes.

Have you ever been there?
It's truly hard for me to see light in those moments.

But we got past it.

She eventually calmed down.

We were able to talk about expressing her feelings, and just what's "ok" and not "ok" in our family. And we talked about space. How sometimes we all just need a little space, a little time, a chance to calm down, a chance to rest.

I say it so readily to her, but do I do this in my own life?

Do I let myself rest?

I always see the next thing on my lists, the next thing to do, to accomplish, the next thing to fix.

But sometimes, I, too, need to rest.

That evening, when the husband got home, he let me disappear for awhile. I went to a store, bought a cup of coffee, and tried clothes on in a dressing room. Pretty simple. Pretty everyday. I didn't even buy anything (besides the coffee). But it was a chance to unwind. And then, my family meant me for dinner. Seriously, it made my heart so happy. It was such a little thing. But it brought us all out of the grumpy state we were in. It changed things up.

We were all able to get a little bit of rest.  

And on the hard days, sometimes that's exacly what we need. 

Rest gave me the chance to get my heart back in order.

Rest reminded me why I love these beautiful ones as much as I do.

Rest reminded me that God can handle this. 

Sharing

It's an ongoing battle. Just how much of my life do I share? Some things, some struggles, are obviously private things, things that don't have any place here.

I suppose it comes down to what I view this place as. If it's just for fun, just for enjoyment, for laughs, than there's no reason to be transparent.

But, if it's for growth, for encouragement, if I view this place as a mission field, then I want to share more, I desire to share more. 

My heart tells me that we need more real places in this world.

That there are many women out there, military and not, who need to hear that they're not alone. That need to hear that they're not the only mother with an headstrong tantrum throwing four-year-old, and a one-year-old that doesn't sleep through the night consistently. That needs to know that they're not the only one that moves every few years, and has to make new friends all over again.

I know this, because I'm one of them. There are days, like today, when I crave fellowship. When I desperately want to hear that I'm not alone. To me, the answer comes in turning around and sharing here. To let out the feelings and frustrations. To remind myself of God's beautiful grace. 

I read a blog post awhile back (I'm sorry, I'm not sure where), that argued against sharing children's lives on the internet. Their argument was that one day these children would be teenagers, and other kids may make fun of them for the social media post about their tantrum at the age of three. They would be embarrassed, it would bring them down, it wouldn't look good. They wouldn't appreciate having such things plastered all over the internet.

So, to my future teenagers, 9 and 12 years down the road respectively, I want you to know this:

Your mother was/is transparent. Parenting you has always been one of my greatest joys, passions, and struggles in life. And I'm sure the challenges won't really get any easier, only different with time.

Your mother was/is honest. I don't want you, or anyone, to ever thing that I'm a perfect mother, perfect wife, perfect woman. I'm imperfect in an imperfect world.

Your mother is saved by grace. I pray that, as teenagers, you've come to personal relationships with Jesus Christ. That you, too, have seen how imperfect this world is, and how much we all need Jesus' saving grace in our lives.

Your mother was victorious. I firmly believe that God will take us through these early parenting years. That 9 years from now, when our first child becomes a teenager, that we'll look back at those early years with fondness. That we'll start to see the first-fruits of the hard laboring, hard discipline we set in place in those early years. Sometimes, it's only by looking back that we can see God's hand in it all. That we can see all the areas were He was present, and saw us through. 

These are the things I want children to see someday, when they look back at this blog.

I don't want them to, in anyway, be embarrassed. I really don't think they will be. This is my place. My place of ministry. Of sharing. Of showing God's grace.

And of reminding everyone, including my own kids, of God's presence through it all.

So, my teenagers of the future. Welcome. 

I'm so glad you came to this post of the past. 

I hope you know how much your Mama loves you! 

Counting Down to The Influence Conference 2014!

The Influence Conference is now only 10 days away, not that I'm counting or anything :) 

In preparation, I'm participating in a link-up today, a fun way to introduce myself, and also get to know some of the other sweet ladies I'll be meeting in person next week.

My name is Meg! And welcome to my blog, Deployed Heart.

I call Michigan my home of origin, although my parents moved us several different times growing up. I attended college in Michigan, and then moved south to attended graduate school in Ohio. It was while I was living in Ohio that I meant my future husband, a military man, and my life took an unexpected turn. I was expecting a life of academia, but instead I found myself in a life of packing boxes, adventures, deployments, and making new friends every few years. Six years, four houses, and two kids later, I have to say I'm blessed. It's not an easy life, but it's mine, and it's clearly the path God had planned for me all along. Writing has always been my passion. It was my reason for majoring in English in my college years, and it's my reason that I keep  a blog these days. It's truly an outlet for me, a form of worship, and a way that I can minister to and encourage other woman, right from the comfort of my own home. For the most part these days, my life revolves around my two little ones. They are a constant source of tests, trials and learning how to love in a whole new way. My blog focuses on the tests and trials of military life, parenthood, and trying to figure out who we are as daughters of the King. I truly hope it's a source of encouragement to others, as we work toward becoming new creations. 

The think I'm looking forward to most at The Influence Conference is the fellowship. It will be amazing to be around a bunch of women that "get" me and my love of blogging and Instagram :)

The one thing I won't leave home without is my notebook and favorite pens! I'm picky about my pens, and love having paper nearby to write down thoughts as they come. I'm sure God will teach me a lot through the experience!

I'm so excited to meet you all in person soon! Here goes!

Good

Our churches Ladies Bible Study started back up last week. It's a place to come, learn, grow, and be encouraged by like minded women in different stages of life. They are truly my prayer warriors and some of my closest confidents. I love it. 

 There were only two of us there last week, providential? Yes, I believe so. The right people were there, it was wonderful fellowshiping with a friend. As we moved through the study guide, one distinct verse popped out at us: 

"We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28, HCSB).

What words of encouragement, for the downtrodden, the heavy hearted, for the times when we really can't see very far ahead. It's wonderful to remember that God has good in store for us. Sometimes we need friends in our lives to remind us of just how great our God is. He didn't throw us on this planet and then forget about us. No, He paved a path, a way for us. He sent His son to come and die for us, so that we could live eternally with Him. He has good in store. Good, in a world of evil, of sadness, of death, of relationships torn apart, He breathes life. He breathes good things. When we look around, we can start to see glimpses of that good. We can start to see the hand of God which is always near. We can start to see the times when He holds on tight, when the sky is dark, but He brings His light.

Yesterday, I was listening to the lies. I was letting life drag me down. Voices were reminding me of what a horrible mother was. How I was failing at prioritizing, at being a good wife. How my appearance doesn't measure up to societies standards. My own brain was definitely giving me a beating. It was a rough day. With a messy house, messy children, messy life, I could feel myself sinking.

But today, today I'm reminded of the beauty of this same life. I'm reminded that God placed me in this body, in this family, in these roles for a reason. I'm reminded of the good He has planned for me.

We need to speak more truth into our lives, friends. We need to be reminded more often that we are, in no way, alone.

God has a good plan. Yes, indeed. 

"Doubting God's promises leads to depression, but believing God's promises helps you go on your way singing and rejoicing. 'The Lord is Great! He is beautiful. I thank the Lord and praise Him for His greatness and His power and His provision.' You can have that victory of praise and a confident life because you know that God will perform His word. Of course, God will perform His word whether you worry about it or not, so you might as well be happy. You might as well rejoice and praise the Lord, because He is going to do it anyhow" (Chuck Smith, Faith, 228). 

On Patience

This morning, my New Testament in a Year reading plan gave me 1 Corinthians 13. I've always loved this portion of scripture. It describes the great, unending love, that God has for all of us. Truly, these verses are jam-packed with words to live by. 

These verses were read on my wedding day, as a reminder of the kind of love my husband and I should have with each other.

Love is patient (vs. 4). 

My it's hard to be patient sometimes. Patient when my husband comes through the door and two children are vying for his attention. It's often hard for me to get a word in edgewise. Patient when he ponders over the answer to a question, not immediately coming back with a reply. (This is actually an amazing gift of his, one I which I could do more often). Patience when we're all grumpy, tired, in need of rest. Patience when my daughter takes forever to put on her shoes, when she slowly wanders on walks, taking in all the sites. Patience when she asks a million questions, wanting to know why exactly the sky is blue or how the car moves down the road.

Patience when I'm in a season of waiting. When the only answer from God is a whispered "not now, not quite yet." 

Patience to be ok with not knowing the answers to what lies ahead.

Patience to live in the moment, to love my family fully, even with all of their faults.

I've found that sometimes, when I slow down, when I let my daughter walk slower, or truly answer her millions of questions, when I wait for my husband to put the kids to bed, before we talk, when I let God move in His own timing, I learn so much more. I learn how to truly love, how to truly care for these precious people in my life. I learn that it's sometimes best to not look too far ahead, but to be thankful for today, this moment. I realize how many blessings have in today. 

That time, when my husband is preoccupied with the kids at the end of the day, is often the time I need to prepare dinner and clean up afterward. When he waits, before giving an answer, it reminds me of how powerful the words are that I speak into his life as well. When my daughter asks question after question, she reminds me of the beauty of creation and how much fun it is to learn new things. When God just tells me to wait, to be patient in this moment, I stop looking past now, and see the beauty, the great love, in living today. 

What a great blessing patience is in our lives. And how thankful I am for the great patience God shows with imperfect me each and everyday.

What does "love is patient" mean to you?