Welcome to Devotions for the Deployed Heart!
My hope is that this site will serve as a great encouragement to military wives all over the world. As a military wife myself, I understand the ups and downs this way of life can bring. It’s exciting living around the world with your family, but it can also be tremendously lonely. Be encouraged and know you’re not alone!
I wasn’t feeling much joy when I woke up this morning. My night was a restless one. At 3 AM I was staring at the clock, watching the minutes tick by, and feeling my little one kicking inside. I loved feeling the kicks, but I hated the fact that I was awake. On top of the kicks I had an awful headache. Headaches and I are good friends. We meet each other on a pretty regular basis. Just the same, this one was worse then normal, and there was little I could take to relieve it, without hurting my little one.
As 3 AM turned to 4 AM and then 5AM, I wandered in and out of consciousness, never quite getting back to a deep, peaceful sort of sleep. Finally I came down stairs to lounge on the couch, and was able to catch a few more zzz’s before my husband headed off to work.
People tell me that the restless sleeping is preparing me for motherhood. They seem to see it as a good thing, but at 32 weeks pregnant, I would rather just have my sleep.
People tell me to pray when I find myself awake in the middle of the night, but my mind is too groggy to contemplate too much prayer.
People tell me so many remedies to help me through this pregnancy, but few of them actually seem to help.
I think it’s ultimately up to me. I can chose to grumble, or I can chose to find joy, even on the roughest of days. Other people can’t do that for me, I have to do it for myself.
And so, at the prodding of a friend, I searched for some verses on joy early this morning, and here’s what I found:
“The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song” (Psalm 28:7 NIV).
God is my refuge and strength on groggy, head-achy sorts of days. When I trust in Him, He is ready and willing to be my help. He’s ready and willing to pick up the frail, hormonal pieces of this pregnant woman, and make something beautiful out of them.
He’s not finished with me yet. Even on the toughest of days, He’s ready to throw some joy into the mix, if only I seek and find it.
What about you? Do you need a good dose of joy in your life today? What verses inspire you to persevere?
I’ll admit it: I’ve kind of let the house go since I became pregnant. I do my best to keep up on things, but in general, things are just a bit more messy and disorganized than they used to be.
Just the same, I still strive to make home a place my husband wants to come home too. I still greet him at the door with a kiss and a smile on my face. I still have something planned for dinner, even if my husband has to help cook the food a little more these days. I still keep on the laundry and grocery shopping, so that my husband is always clothed and well fed. But I’ve let the carpets and bathrooms get quite dirty. I just can’t keep up on everything.
Although I often feel discouraged when I look around the house, I’m so thankful that my husband is giving me a bit of grace these days. He understands that I have less energy overall, and just can’t bend over as easily. He understands that the house will just have to be less than perfect from now on. In fact, he really doesn’t care. He’s just happy to be home, with me.
It’s my own perfectionism that has set these unrealistic standards. It’s because of my perfectionism that I often beat myself up for not finishing all the tasks on my lists. It’s not my husband. It’s me.
I know when this child comes I’ll have to embrace a new type of lifestyle. Even then the house will never be as perfect as I want it to be. But even then, I still want my husband to come home to a slightly messy house filled with love and peace.
How I’m going to accomplish this, I don’t quite now, but I do know it will involve a lot of prayer.
How do you deal with all of the daily tasks around the house? How do you balance it all, without going crazy? Have you found any verses that encourage you?
I lay awake in the early morning hours with my hand pressed against my stomach. “Thump,” a little arm or leg punches back against my fingers. My heart leaps with joy. I quickly forget the night before, when I tossed and turned uncomfortably, my belly making my normal sleeping positions impossible. Instead, in these early morning hours, I focus on the thrill of having a little human being growing inside of me.
I eagerly anticipate the day, now two short months away, when I’ll finally find out if this little one is a girl or a boy. I realize that, even then, my sleeping patterns will be interrupted. And that all that I experience now is only part of the preparation for motherhood.
I pray that God makes me a good mother. A strong mother. A mother that depends on her Savior most of all. I pray that this little one has a good experience growing up in the military. That they will come to love this life as much as their daddy and I do.
I pray so many things for this little one. I’m so thankful that he or she is coming soon.
And I’m so thankful for the little kicks I feel in the morning.
I’ve been feeling less than worthy lately. I compare myself to others and see all the areas in which I drastically fall short.
Sometimes I wonder why I sit here at home, writing, instead of having a job out in the world. “Why has God called me to this?” I ask. “There are so many better candidates.” I look at all the mistakes I make, at the gifts I don’t have, and even at the time that I don’t invest into writing day in and day out. I berate myself for not sticking to the schedule I set up. I wonder what it’s all about. I don’t see the purpose in it all. But God does. While I see the shortcomings, God sees the opportunities to work.
It’s amazing how the words of others can speak to me at times. This morning, encouragement came through the blogs of two special ladies, Lysa Terkeurst and Sarah Markley. Both of these ladies reminded me that God has a specific calling on my life as a writer. He has placed me in this moment in time not as a perfect candidate, but as a willing vessel that He can mold and form into whatever he chooses. He understands my weaknesses and shortcomings, and loves me because of them.
Is that amazing or what? While I hate my shortcomings, God doesn’t. He sees them as part of His perfect creation.
And the same is true for you as well. God created you intentionally, with a purpose. Even if you don’t understand that purpose, God does.
So embrace those imperfections today, and be ready for God to move in your life. A life surrendered is the best place to be.
“But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him” (1 Corinthians 1:27-29 NIV).
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV).
What area of your life do you feel extremely weak at the moment? Is it in your job? In your home as a military wife or mother? In a new city where you feel all alone? What verses do you turn to during times of trials? What is God trying to teach you at this moment in time?
Lord, thank you for the reminder that you work through the very things that I see as weaknesses. Please help me to depend on you for strength today and everyday.
Not too long ago a dear friend of mine from college lost her brother. I can’t begin to imagine the grief she and the rest of her family must be feeling right now. My own brother is so very dear to me. She must be feeling such a sense of loss right now. This brother of hers was serving his country over seas. He was fighting for a controversial cause that has this nation torn in two. Just the same, I’m proud that he was over there, doing what he felt called to do.
The Bible says that only God knows the number of our days (Psalm 139:16). With my husband in the military, I have to hold on to this truth. I have to trust that even in the midst of evil, God holds the future of my husband and myself in his hands.
But I’m sure it doesn’t make the pain and loss any easier for this family, nor would it for me.
As I was looking through pictures people are posting of this departed brother, I smiled at all the funny ones, teared up at the more sentimental ones, but was struck most of all by one simple picture. On this man’s back was a tattoo of Psalm 91. The very Psalm that has spoken to me and so many of my military friends. Here’s what this wonderful Psalm says,
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 “Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation (NIV).
This world is a scary place. Throughout our lives there will be many things we face that seem impossible. But God is there. Just as I have to trust that he was there with my friend’s brother on that fateful day. He did not fail to protect him, but decided to take him home, to heaven, in that moment. No, I don’t understand why, I probably never will, but I do know that He grants eternal life to all those who believe. So this Psalm rings true, even for those He decides to take home.
This hasn’t been an easy post to write. Please don’t think I have all the answers, because I don’t. I’m only a girl, serving my Savior, and trying to make some sort of sense of this crazy life. At times, all I can really do is pray for those in pain, that God will meet them where they are.
A final note to my friend: I’ll leave you anonymous for the privacy of you and your family, but please know I’m praying for you today. Please know that my heart reaches out to you during this tough season, and that, through it all, God is still God, ready and waiting to carry you.
I am awful at making new friends. Blame it on my shyness, or my introvert nature, or the fact that I just love being in my own house, in the midst of my own things. No matter the case, there’s still no excuse for me sometimes. I have chances to reach out to others, and I ignore them. I have felt the prompting of the Holy Spirit time and again, and I turn a deaf ear.
I know it’s wrong. I know that I need to try harder, but I often don’t.
But then I think about all the times I did reach out. I think about all the friendships I’ve had over the years that have blessed me in so many ways.
There was my friend in high school who used to pass notes with me between classes. We played soccer together, baked concoctions that might be identified as cookies, and had a deep love for NSYNC. She was a special friend, in a special time of my life. Although we may live over a thousand miles away, she’ll always be important to me.
There were my kindred spirit friends in college. From day one we found ourselves bonded together through a new adventure in life. We share secrets and dreams, crammed for tests, and laughed at the silliest things. I have so many great memories with these girls.
There were my coffee friends, people I would meet once a week or so over a cup of joe to talk about school, love, relationships, and God. Some of these girls were in college with me, some in grad school, and some even here in my new home. Coffee is such a great way for girls to connect. I’ll never get tired of chatting about everything under the sun at a cafe or at someone’s house. It’s such a blessing to me!
Yet, I still struggle when the military moves us to a new location. I look over my shoulder and compare those friends from the past with my present reality. I miss what is behind me, instead of looking at what God has given me in the here and now.
In the midst of all this, God gave me a small blessing today. My neighbor and I had a chat on the phone, in which she expressed her desire to throw me a baby shower. She, and the other girls in our community, wanted to bless me this way. ME! The girl who has barely gotten out of her comfort zone enough to say hello to her neighbors. ME! The shy one, who has yet to learn most of her neighbors names. I’ve hardly reached out to them at all, yet they want to do something for me.
I’m so undeserving. And so utterly grateful. Once again God has shown His love to me in a practical way. He’s encouraged my neighbor to reach out to me, when I was afraid to. He’s helped start a new friendship in my life, which I’m so thankful for.
What a day this has been!
“In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps” (Proverbs 16:9 NIV)
God really does surprise us sometimes, doesn’t He? We have our plans for the future all set, and then He throws a boulder in the middle of our path, directing us in an entirely different direction. As much as I’ve dreamed over the years, I would never have imagined myself in this exact place. I never imagined myself being married to a military man. I didn’t think that I’d be making new friends and adjusting to a new climate every couple of years.
But I love this life just the same. I love all the twists and turns and unexpected surprises God is placing in my life.
The military life can be tough sometimes, but it can also be filled with so much joy. My husband and I love exploring this new place where we live. We looked forward to finding new trails to hike, new museums to visit, and new types of food to try. We love this life of adventure.
At the same time, we get lonely for family living far across the country. We miss old familiar faces, and a church at which we truly felt at home. We struggle making new friends and adjusting to new places.
But I think these struggles are good. God seems to use each new experience to draw us even closer to you. It’s as if He’s saying, “Yes, I’m directing your feet in a new direction but no, I’m not going to leave you there to fend for yourself. I’m here, reading and waiting to be your strong tower, your strength when you are weak. Depend on me.”
“The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe” (Proverbs 18:10 NIV)
Hello all, sorry it’s been so long since I posted. Things have been going well in this military household. Summer is creeping in, and we’re getting all that much closer to greeting our new little one, only about three months until he or she make their appearance.
The month of May brought a plethora of visitors to our house. It was so great spending time with all of our family, but it’s made June feel extra quite by comparison. I have plenty of little projects to work on this summer, before baby comes. The problem is that I have trouble focusing on said projects. Sigh. I guess I’ll just have to take this whole pregnancy thing one day at a time.
The most exciting thing to happen to us happened this morning, when my handsome military husband walked upstairs for his customary kiss goodbye before he headed off to work. (On a side note, I love seeing my husband in uniform. It never get’s old. And there’s nothing dreamier than waking up to a goodbye kiss from my hubby, sigh).
Back to our story: As my handsome hubby walked into the bedroom, he spoke to half-asleep me and informed me that there was a mouse down in our kitchen. A mouse!
Now friends, there are few things I dislike as much as mice in my house. They are more than welcome to frolic freely in the great outdoors, but coming into my house is a big no-no. Well, needless to say, my hubby and I drastically differ on how to dispose of the said mouse. I am more than happy to dispose of the creature in the quickest way possible, while hubby wants to humanly catch the little thing and release him in the wild.
Sigh. We’re such different people. This morning showed one more way in which we differ. While I was seriously petrified of the little monster, my hubby was trying his best not to laugh at me and the current mouse dilemma.
How do two such different people make a life together, I sometimes wonder? And why do I still love my mouse-loving husband? Sometimes I don’t know. All I do know is that I’ve chosen to love him unconditionally, even if he does save mice.
I chose to focus on 1 Corinthians 13, which tells me what Godly love looks like:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always persevered, Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, NIV).
I suppose this means that I need to be patient with my mouse-loving husband, and persevere through this moment of trial. Hopefully the little creature will be gone soon, and I can give my house a vigorous cleaning.
Sigh, there’s a lesson to be learned everyday, isn’t there?
Anne of Green Gables is one of my favorite fictional characters. She’s witty, imaginative, and has a great love of writing, just like me. Anne struggles to find her place in the writing world. She writes far-fetched romance stories that have little to do with her actual reality. It’s only when she’s encouraged to “write what she knows” that she succeeds as an author. She writes about the people and places that she holds dearer than anything in this world. She writes from her heart.
It’s always been my goal to do the same. I love this Deployed Heart blog because it’s a place to share my thoughts, fears, and prayers as a military life. It’s a place to write about what God has been teaching me in this military journey. It’s a place to write what I know.
In a large sense, becoming a military wife was when I grew from a girl to a woman. I made one of the biggest decisions of my life when I said “I Do” to my husband a year and a half ago. On that day I married him, military man and all. I understood that by making this commitment I would be moving across the country and around the world. I understood that this commitment would ask a lot of my husband and I. We would have to depend on each other and God like never before. There would be lonely nights and long, never ending days. But there would also be excitement, adventure, and enough laughter to make it through the tougher times.
As I walked down to the coffee shop this morning, I looked around me, amazed at this beautiful installation my husband and I call home. Some wouldn’t find it all that pretty, but God has opened my eyes to the distinctive beauty of this place. It’s different than any other place I’ve called home. But it is home. And I’m so thankful that Spring is here. The sun was fighting to shine, hid behind a large cluster of white clouds, birds were chirping nearby, hidden away from peering eyes, and a hint of green can be seen in the middle of the wild brush along the pathway. A few purple and white flowers were peaking through brush, whispering hello.
I’m learning with each move that the beauty is there, if only I ask God to reveal it. You see, I could live these military years glum and sullen, wishing I was closer to family and friends, or I can ask God to reveal a different, glorious part of his creation to me. I can hate the place I’m currently living, because the seasons and weather are so different from that of my childhood home, or I can ask him to teach me how to love this place, and this military life he’s given me. I can grumble about the long hours my husband works at times, or I can ask for thankfulness for the job God has blessed us with.
What about you? Has God opened your eyes to the beauty surrounding you? What is unique about the place God has planted you for this point in time?
I’ll leave you with some passages of scripture on God’s beautiful creation. Consider these words as you look at the world around you today: Psalm 104 & Psalm 148
Lord, please help me to see the beauty in your creation, each and every day.
This last week I was blessed to have several family members come for a visit. It was so great to spend time with them. For me, the hardest part of this military-way-of-life is being separated from family. I love them all so much. Sometimes the miles between us seem to stretch on indefinitely. It seems like every visit is just a little too short.
I’m learning that visit’s don’t have to be planned down to the minute. Instead, it’s the times when we’re sitting around the table in the early morning, hardly awake, sipping on coffee, or playing a board come into the middle of the night, until we have to pry our eyes open with toothpicks, that are some of the most treasured moments. Yes, it’s fun to sightsee with our guests. But it’s also nice to just enjoy each other’s company. While we may stay in touch through frequent emails and phone calls, there’s nothing like seeing these people face to face. They’re a part of my husband and I. Our family is what made us who we are today. And when they leave, we’ll start thinking about the next time we can be together again.
Because looking toward the future, and clinging to God, is the only way we make it through each day. My mom has said that God gives us the grace to make it from one visit to the next. He’s given us peace knowing that we’re both where we belong, working next to our husbands in this beautiful thing called life. By giving us grace, God seems to dull the pain of separation. Yes, it still hurts, but not intolerably so. In fact, the months often tend to speed on by, until I can hardly believe that’s it’s been 6 months since I saw my family face to face. God is good that way.
This deployed heart often feels the separation, the tiny things I miss out on by being far away. Birthdays, promotions, holidays, there are so many everyday things I miss out on.
But just the same, I have a beautiful home in a beautiful city with a wonderful church filled with a surrogate family. I love my life here with my military husband. I have to trust that God truly does know best. He understands how much I miss those I love, but at the same time He’s chosen to bless me in this place. I can’t help but be thankful for that.
How do you deal with separation? How often do you keep in touch with those you love? How has God provided for you?
Lord, thank you for giving me the grace and peace to make it from one visit with family to the next. Please give me peace, knowing that I’m where I’m supposed to be.
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