It's the flesh moments that get me down sometimes.
It's the days when crankiness seems to follow me, perhaps I have a headache, perhaps the kids have been after each other all day, clingy with me, grumpy, hungry, over tired.
It's the days I see my life with my own eyes, instead of God's. It's the days that I see flesh, brokenness. Pieces that couldn't possibly be whole.
It's the days when I see the worst in my children. Because honestly, I see more of that then anyone else. Those angels at school and church? They were over tired and grumpy when we got home. Those kids that were well behaved at the play date? Yeah, they had melt downs on the way home.
That life that seemed so put together? On the inside, it feels like it's falling apart. Sometimes we need a reset. Sometimes it takes true rest for us to come back in with new perspective.
Holley Gerth said it best: "You are not infinite. You are human. You have limits. Acknowledging that is not selfish; it’s worship." Check out Holley's post "It's Okay for You to Rest". It was something I needed to read this week.
My perfectionist nature wants to fix everything.
My peacemaker heart hates any sort of conflict.
My neat freak tendancies want to clean everything up.
But somedays, I just have to step away.
I have to read a book.
I have to get out of the house by myself, even if it's only to the grocery store.
I need to breathe.
Tuesday was such a day for me. It was a rough one, friends. What started as a pleasant morning, quickly turned into a horrible afternoon. I could tell when my daughter got in the car after school. I could see it in her eyes. Prime tantrum material. I tried my best to curb it. I spoke gently. Suggested we quietly cuddle and read some books before nap time. I truly felt like I tried my best to smoothly get us through the afternoon. But it didn't work. And I felt defeated. Hopeless. Alone. I called my husband in tears, overwhelmed. In that moment he calmed me down. Reminded me that Mommy still had to be Mommy. That I was doing nothing wrong. This was not my fault. I was not failing.
Getting out of that negative thinking pattern is hard for me sometimes.
Have you ever been there?
It's truly hard for me to see light in those moments.
But we got past it.
She eventually calmed down.
We were able to talk about expressing her feelings, and just what's "ok" and not "ok" in our family. And we talked about space. How sometimes we all just need a little space, a little time, a chance to calm down, a chance to rest.
I say it so readily to her, but do I do this in my own life?
Do I let myself rest?
I always see the next thing on my lists, the next thing to do, to accomplish, the next thing to fix.
But sometimes, I, too, need to rest.
That evening, when the husband got home, he let me disappear for awhile. I went to a store, bought a cup of coffee, and tried clothes on in a dressing room. Pretty simple. Pretty everyday. I didn't even buy anything (besides the coffee). But it was a chance to unwind. And then, my family meant me for dinner. Seriously, it made my heart so happy. It was such a little thing. But it brought us all out of the grumpy state we were in. It changed things up.
We were all able to get a little bit of rest.
And on the hard days, sometimes that's exacly what we need.
Rest gave me the chance to get my heart back in order.
Rest reminded me why I love these beautiful ones as much as I do.
Rest reminded me that God can handle this.