It's an ongoing battle. Just how much of my life do I share? Some things, some struggles, are obviously private things, things that don't have any place here.
I suppose it comes down to what I view this place as. If it's just for fun, just for enjoyment, for laughs, than there's no reason to be transparent.
But, if it's for growth, for encouragement, if I view this place as a mission field, then I want to share more, I desire to share more.
My heart tells me that we need more real places in this world.
That there are many women out there, military and not, who need to hear that they're not alone. That need to hear that they're not the only mother with an headstrong tantrum throwing four-year-old, and a one-year-old that doesn't sleep through the night consistently. That needs to know that they're not the only one that moves every few years, and has to make new friends all over again.
I know this, because I'm one of them. There are days, like today, when I crave fellowship. When I desperately want to hear that I'm not alone. To me, the answer comes in turning around and sharing here. To let out the feelings and frustrations. To remind myself of God's beautiful grace.
I read a blog post awhile back (I'm sorry, I'm not sure where), that argued against sharing children's lives on the internet. Their argument was that one day these children would be teenagers, and other kids may make fun of them for the social media post about their tantrum at the age of three. They would be embarrassed, it would bring them down, it wouldn't look good. They wouldn't appreciate having such things plastered all over the internet.
So, to my future teenagers, 9 and 12 years down the road respectively, I want you to know this:
Your mother was/is transparent. Parenting you has always been one of my greatest joys, passions, and struggles in life. And I'm sure the challenges won't really get any easier, only different with time.
Your mother was/is honest. I don't want you, or anyone, to ever thing that I'm a perfect mother, perfect wife, perfect woman. I'm imperfect in an imperfect world.
Your mother is saved by grace. I pray that, as teenagers, you've come to personal relationships with Jesus Christ. That you, too, have seen how imperfect this world is, and how much we all need Jesus' saving grace in our lives.
Your mother was victorious. I firmly believe that God will take us through these early parenting years. That 9 years from now, when our first child becomes a teenager, that we'll look back at those early years with fondness. That we'll start to see the first-fruits of the hard laboring, hard discipline we set in place in those early years. Sometimes, it's only by looking back that we can see God's hand in it all. That we can see all the areas were He was present, and saw us through.
These are the things I want children to see someday, when they look back at this blog.
I don't want them to, in anyway, be embarrassed. I really don't think they will be. This is my place. My place of ministry. Of sharing. Of showing God's grace.
And of reminding everyone, including my own kids, of God's presence through it all.
So, my teenagers of the future. Welcome.
I'm so glad you came to this post of the past.
I hope you know how much your Mama loves you!