Rest

It's the flesh moments that get me down sometimes.

It's the days when crankiness seems to follow me, perhaps I have a headache, perhaps the kids have been after each other all day, clingy with me, grumpy, hungry, over tired.

It's the days I see my life with my own eyes, instead of God's. It's the days that I see flesh, brokenness. Pieces that couldn't possibly be whole. 

It's the days when I see the worst in my children. Because honestly, I see more of that then anyone else. Those angels at school and church? They were over tired and grumpy when we got home. Those kids that were well behaved at the play date? Yeah, they had melt downs on the way home. 

That life that seemed so put together? On the inside, it feels like it's falling apart. Sometimes we need a reset. Sometimes it takes true rest for us to come back in with new perspective. 

Holley Gerth said it best: "You are not infinite. You are human. You have limits. Acknowledging that is not selfish; it’s worship." Check out Holley's post "It's Okay for You to Rest". It was something I needed to read this week.

My perfectionist nature wants to fix everything.

My peacemaker heart hates any sort of conflict.

My neat freak tendancies want to clean everything up.

But somedays, I just have to step away. 

I have to read a book.

I have to get out of the house by myself, even if it's only to the grocery store.

I need to breathe.

Tuesday was such a day for me. It was a rough one, friends. What started as a pleasant morning, quickly turned into a horrible afternoon. I could tell when my daughter got in the car after school. I could see it in her eyes. Prime tantrum material. I tried my best to curb it. I spoke gently. Suggested we quietly cuddle and read some books before nap time. I truly felt like I tried my best to smoothly get us through the afternoon. But it didn't work. And I felt defeated. Hopeless. Alone. I called my husband in tears, overwhelmed. In that moment he calmed me down. Reminded me that Mommy still had to be Mommy. That I was doing nothing wrong. This was not my fault. I was not failing. 

Getting out of that negative thinking pattern is hard for me sometimes.

Have you ever been there?
It's truly hard for me to see light in those moments.

But we got past it.

She eventually calmed down.

We were able to talk about expressing her feelings, and just what's "ok" and not "ok" in our family. And we talked about space. How sometimes we all just need a little space, a little time, a chance to calm down, a chance to rest.

I say it so readily to her, but do I do this in my own life?

Do I let myself rest?

I always see the next thing on my lists, the next thing to do, to accomplish, the next thing to fix.

But sometimes, I, too, need to rest.

That evening, when the husband got home, he let me disappear for awhile. I went to a store, bought a cup of coffee, and tried clothes on in a dressing room. Pretty simple. Pretty everyday. I didn't even buy anything (besides the coffee). But it was a chance to unwind. And then, my family meant me for dinner. Seriously, it made my heart so happy. It was such a little thing. But it brought us all out of the grumpy state we were in. It changed things up.

We were all able to get a little bit of rest.  

And on the hard days, sometimes that's exacly what we need. 

Rest gave me the chance to get my heart back in order.

Rest reminded me why I love these beautiful ones as much as I do.

Rest reminded me that God can handle this. 

Sharing

It's an ongoing battle. Just how much of my life do I share? Some things, some struggles, are obviously private things, things that don't have any place here.

I suppose it comes down to what I view this place as. If it's just for fun, just for enjoyment, for laughs, than there's no reason to be transparent.

But, if it's for growth, for encouragement, if I view this place as a mission field, then I want to share more, I desire to share more. 

My heart tells me that we need more real places in this world.

That there are many women out there, military and not, who need to hear that they're not alone. That need to hear that they're not the only mother with an headstrong tantrum throwing four-year-old, and a one-year-old that doesn't sleep through the night consistently. That needs to know that they're not the only one that moves every few years, and has to make new friends all over again.

I know this, because I'm one of them. There are days, like today, when I crave fellowship. When I desperately want to hear that I'm not alone. To me, the answer comes in turning around and sharing here. To let out the feelings and frustrations. To remind myself of God's beautiful grace. 

I read a blog post awhile back (I'm sorry, I'm not sure where), that argued against sharing children's lives on the internet. Their argument was that one day these children would be teenagers, and other kids may make fun of them for the social media post about their tantrum at the age of three. They would be embarrassed, it would bring them down, it wouldn't look good. They wouldn't appreciate having such things plastered all over the internet.

So, to my future teenagers, 9 and 12 years down the road respectively, I want you to know this:

Your mother was/is transparent. Parenting you has always been one of my greatest joys, passions, and struggles in life. And I'm sure the challenges won't really get any easier, only different with time.

Your mother was/is honest. I don't want you, or anyone, to ever thing that I'm a perfect mother, perfect wife, perfect woman. I'm imperfect in an imperfect world.

Your mother is saved by grace. I pray that, as teenagers, you've come to personal relationships with Jesus Christ. That you, too, have seen how imperfect this world is, and how much we all need Jesus' saving grace in our lives.

Your mother was victorious. I firmly believe that God will take us through these early parenting years. That 9 years from now, when our first child becomes a teenager, that we'll look back at those early years with fondness. That we'll start to see the first-fruits of the hard laboring, hard discipline we set in place in those early years. Sometimes, it's only by looking back that we can see God's hand in it all. That we can see all the areas were He was present, and saw us through. 

These are the things I want children to see someday, when they look back at this blog.

I don't want them to, in anyway, be embarrassed. I really don't think they will be. This is my place. My place of ministry. Of sharing. Of showing God's grace.

And of reminding everyone, including my own kids, of God's presence through it all.

So, my teenagers of the future. Welcome. 

I'm so glad you came to this post of the past. 

I hope you know how much your Mama loves you! 

Counting Down to The Influence Conference 2014!

The Influence Conference is now only 10 days away, not that I'm counting or anything :) 

In preparation, I'm participating in a link-up today, a fun way to introduce myself, and also get to know some of the other sweet ladies I'll be meeting in person next week.

My name is Meg! And welcome to my blog, Deployed Heart.

I call Michigan my home of origin, although my parents moved us several different times growing up. I attended college in Michigan, and then moved south to attended graduate school in Ohio. It was while I was living in Ohio that I meant my future husband, a military man, and my life took an unexpected turn. I was expecting a life of academia, but instead I found myself in a life of packing boxes, adventures, deployments, and making new friends every few years. Six years, four houses, and two kids later, I have to say I'm blessed. It's not an easy life, but it's mine, and it's clearly the path God had planned for me all along. Writing has always been my passion. It was my reason for majoring in English in my college years, and it's my reason that I keep  a blog these days. It's truly an outlet for me, a form of worship, and a way that I can minister to and encourage other woman, right from the comfort of my own home. For the most part these days, my life revolves around my two little ones. They are a constant source of tests, trials and learning how to love in a whole new way. My blog focuses on the tests and trials of military life, parenthood, and trying to figure out who we are as daughters of the King. I truly hope it's a source of encouragement to others, as we work toward becoming new creations. 

The think I'm looking forward to most at The Influence Conference is the fellowship. It will be amazing to be around a bunch of women that "get" me and my love of blogging and Instagram :)

The one thing I won't leave home without is my notebook and favorite pens! I'm picky about my pens, and love having paper nearby to write down thoughts as they come. I'm sure God will teach me a lot through the experience!

I'm so excited to meet you all in person soon! Here goes!

Good

Our churches Ladies Bible Study started back up last week. It's a place to come, learn, grow, and be encouraged by like minded women in different stages of life. They are truly my prayer warriors and some of my closest confidents. I love it. 

 There were only two of us there last week, providential? Yes, I believe so. The right people were there, it was wonderful fellowshiping with a friend. As we moved through the study guide, one distinct verse popped out at us: 

"We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28, HCSB).

What words of encouragement, for the downtrodden, the heavy hearted, for the times when we really can't see very far ahead. It's wonderful to remember that God has good in store for us. Sometimes we need friends in our lives to remind us of just how great our God is. He didn't throw us on this planet and then forget about us. No, He paved a path, a way for us. He sent His son to come and die for us, so that we could live eternally with Him. He has good in store. Good, in a world of evil, of sadness, of death, of relationships torn apart, He breathes life. He breathes good things. When we look around, we can start to see glimpses of that good. We can start to see the hand of God which is always near. We can start to see the times when He holds on tight, when the sky is dark, but He brings His light.

Yesterday, I was listening to the lies. I was letting life drag me down. Voices were reminding me of what a horrible mother was. How I was failing at prioritizing, at being a good wife. How my appearance doesn't measure up to societies standards. My own brain was definitely giving me a beating. It was a rough day. With a messy house, messy children, messy life, I could feel myself sinking.

But today, today I'm reminded of the beauty of this same life. I'm reminded that God placed me in this body, in this family, in these roles for a reason. I'm reminded of the good He has planned for me.

We need to speak more truth into our lives, friends. We need to be reminded more often that we are, in no way, alone.

God has a good plan. Yes, indeed. 

"Doubting God's promises leads to depression, but believing God's promises helps you go on your way singing and rejoicing. 'The Lord is Great! He is beautiful. I thank the Lord and praise Him for His greatness and His power and His provision.' You can have that victory of praise and a confident life because you know that God will perform His word. Of course, God will perform His word whether you worry about it or not, so you might as well be happy. You might as well rejoice and praise the Lord, because He is going to do it anyhow" (Chuck Smith, Faith, 228). 

On Patience

This morning, my New Testament in a Year reading plan gave me 1 Corinthians 13. I've always loved this portion of scripture. It describes the great, unending love, that God has for all of us. Truly, these verses are jam-packed with words to live by. 

These verses were read on my wedding day, as a reminder of the kind of love my husband and I should have with each other.

Love is patient (vs. 4). 

My it's hard to be patient sometimes. Patient when my husband comes through the door and two children are vying for his attention. It's often hard for me to get a word in edgewise. Patient when he ponders over the answer to a question, not immediately coming back with a reply. (This is actually an amazing gift of his, one I which I could do more often). Patience when we're all grumpy, tired, in need of rest. Patience when my daughter takes forever to put on her shoes, when she slowly wanders on walks, taking in all the sites. Patience when she asks a million questions, wanting to know why exactly the sky is blue or how the car moves down the road.

Patience when I'm in a season of waiting. When the only answer from God is a whispered "not now, not quite yet." 

Patience to be ok with not knowing the answers to what lies ahead.

Patience to live in the moment, to love my family fully, even with all of their faults.

I've found that sometimes, when I slow down, when I let my daughter walk slower, or truly answer her millions of questions, when I wait for my husband to put the kids to bed, before we talk, when I let God move in His own timing, I learn so much more. I learn how to truly love, how to truly care for these precious people in my life. I learn that it's sometimes best to not look too far ahead, but to be thankful for today, this moment. I realize how many blessings have in today. 

That time, when my husband is preoccupied with the kids at the end of the day, is often the time I need to prepare dinner and clean up afterward. When he waits, before giving an answer, it reminds me of how powerful the words are that I speak into his life as well. When my daughter asks question after question, she reminds me of the beauty of creation and how much fun it is to learn new things. When God just tells me to wait, to be patient in this moment, I stop looking past now, and see the beauty, the great love, in living today. 

What a great blessing patience is in our lives. And how thankful I am for the great patience God shows with imperfect me each and everyday.

What does "love is patient" mean to you? 

Isaiah 30

"For the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, has said:
'You will be delivered by returning and resting;
your strength will lie in quiet confidence.
But you are not willing.'

Therefore the Lord is waiting to show you mercy,

and is rising up to show you compassion,

for the Lord is a just God.

All who wait patiently for Him are happy

 (Isaiah 30:15, 18, HCSB).

There are so many good verses here. I love how it says that God will deliver his people when they return and rest. When they are truly willing to be delivered. Isn't that often true of life? We say we want God to take over, to deliver us from a problem, a temptation, a predicament, yet we don't really let go. We hold on with a firm grip, convinced that we can do it better on our own. God is right there waiting, waiting for us to finally, truly, let go, so that He can move. Isaiah reminds us that God is there, He's ready to show us compassion, ready to work through us. He's just waiting on stubborn you and me to move. I honestly don't know why I fight so hard. I'm probably afraid, fearful of what will happen when I let go. But these verses remind us that God has such a beautiful plan in store. The last verse says that those who wait patiently for Him are happy. Happy! I fight so hard against something, worrying, fretting, stressing, when I could just be happy! The irony is clear to me. It's so much better when we just let go and let God!

One of my favorite commentators is, by far, Matthew Henry. His words on Isaiah 30 truly struck me:

Would we be strengthened to do what is required of us and to bear what is laid upon us? It must be in quietness and in confidence; we must keep our spirits calm and sedate by a continual dependence upon God, and his power and goodness; we must retire into ourselves with a holy quietness, suppressing all turbulent and tumultuous passions, and keeping the peace in our own minds. And we must rely upon God with a holy confidence that he can do what he will and will do what is best for his people. And this will be our strength; it will inspire us with such a holy fortitude as will carry us with ease and courage through all the difficulties we may meet with. ("Text Commentaries: Matthew Henry (Blue Letter Bible: Isaiah)." Blue Letter Bible. Sowing Circle. Web. 23 Jul, 2014).

Sometimes, we have to supress those pasions, we have to push them aside and replace them with everything true, everything right. We have to pray the tumuluous things out, and pray peace, pray truth in their place. What a needed reminder. When our eyes are focused on Jesus, that peace will carry us through whatever difficulties we may face. I don't know about you, but I was truly encouraged by this. Encouraged to spend time with Jesus, to dwell quietly in His peace, and to know, with certainitly, that Jesus is always beside me through life's struggles. 

What is there really to fear?

 

A Rainy Day Letter to My Boy

This was written back in July, but I came across it in my archives and wanted to share it, for posterities sake. I want my kids to look back at this blog someday and see the struggles, but also the prayers I have always prayed over them. Hopefully, one day, this will speak to them. This letter is to my boy, but I hope it speaks to your heart today as well. -Meg

Wednesday, July 23rd, 2014

My Boy,

Tuesday was an overcast sort of July day. The humidity was high, leaving us sticky, sweat drenched, but just the same, we headed to a play date in the park.

As you and your little friend smiled at each other, baby jabbered, wiggled around, we watched the older kids fly down the slides, in and out, around and over, back for a snack, a sip of water, and then off they flew again.

Warm days don't slow little kids down. No, instead, they relish any chance they can take to stretch legs, exercise lungs, live in the moment. 

You, too, had such a grand time, trying to escape from Mama, floating through the air on a baby swing, smiling from ear to ear.

Mama and her friend talked, talked of children's names, books, blogs. And then, my sweet friend expressed her deep desire for her boys to grow up and find a good mate. What should she be teaching them now, when they're young? What can she instill in them, so that they wait, wait for their once in a life time girl. Look for that help-meet, who only directs them closer to Christ?

Sweet boy, you have so much life to live yet. Probably a good 25 years lie between you and your helpmeet. But that doesn't stop me from praying now. Praying for the girl you'll one day meet.

Praying for the choices you'll have to make along the way.

My boy, I truly want to teach you well over the coming years. I want to teach you to respect those around you, to have a heart for the needy, a desire to do good. But more than just be good, I pray that you have a passion for Christ. A passion for life. I pray that you place your faith in God early on. Study scripture, take it to heart. Serve your Creator, no matter what the world may say, so that you're one day ready to be a good husband and a good father.

I think that the best thing we can do now, in these raising up years, is to teach you to respect authority, first your Mama & Papa, then school teachers, principles, employers. Teaching you how to listen and respect, and to know the difference between right and wrong, will serve you well in this life.

It will mean a lot of sweat and tears along the way, which we're already seeing with your sister. It's not always each giving or taking discipline. But I do know it's one of the best things we'll instill in you over the years.

A disciplined heart can do much. An undisciplined heart, well that's a scary thing to think about.

I want you to do much in your life, my boy. Explore far off places, have a beautiful heart for Jesus. It doesn't matter how much money you make someday, or how many people know your name, but live the life you've been giving will all your might.

These sound like words even Mama needed to hear today. Writing is funny like that, isn't it?

My boy, my greatest prayer is that you'll grow up to be like your Papa. You were blessed with a great one, weren't you. You, sister, and I are so fortunate to have him in our lives.

I love you my little man. 

I can't wait to watch life continue to unfold for you.

Love,

Mama

Thinking About...Influence

The Influence Conference is coming up in just over a month. I'm so excited about my weekend away! Conference ticket, airfare, shuttle, hotel are all booked. It will truly be a new experience for me. I've never been away from my family for this long before. Andrew & I left the kids once over night, back in July, but me, flying off on my own to a conference, is whole new territory. He and the kids will be fine, I'm truly not all that worried about leaving them behind. No, my fears mostly lie at the conference. I've never been to a blogging conference before. And this is so much more than that. It's a meeting of Christian woman, wives, mothers, homemade business owners, anyone seeking to have fellowship, have influence in the world around them.
Why am I fearful? Mostly because of my worrying tendency. My great imagination always seems to dream up the worst in a situation. I dream it up, and then dwell on it, seeing the scenarios, remembering past experiences, letting my brain write out what "could" happen.

But God's word reminds me that my focus shouldn't be there. That, He has given me something much greater than fear to live in:

"Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:6-7, HCSB).

And so I pray about those fears, I ask Jesus to take them, to scatter them as far as the ends of the seas. And to do something with this heart that is ready to be moved. Ready to take this next step with my little blog, my little corner of this world.
And somehow, come back changed.
Not suddenly with a huge blog following or anything, but recharged, ready to have as much influence as I can in my little corner of the world.
The Influence Network ladies talk a lot about your influence. How your influence is exactly where you are at this moment. What one blogger said the other day really struck me. She can have a blog, or a business, and minister outside of the home, but her greatest scope of influence would always be right there, in her own home.
hmmm.
I've always dreamed of doing big things, of being known. I have big dreams of what I want to do in future years, when my kids are grown. But, that's not where I am right now. Right now, I have two little ones at home who demand a large portion of my attention, my time, my resources. They are my greatest influence.

How blessed am I?

These two fireballs who rock my world, often make me want to pull my hair out, and make me laugh so hard I cry. They are smart, loving, caring little humans. They give hugs and kisses freely, show their strong personalities often. They, and their father, make up my world.

But how am I living my life around them? What am I teaching them, day in and day out? Am I showing them where my priorities are? Am I showing them what I view as most important in my life?

Lately, I've been trying to balance out all the crazy extremes. Finding time for devotions, for exercise, for homemade diners and healthy snacks. I have been trying to get into a better system with cleaning our house, with managing our finances. Not find a perfect balance, mind you, as this blogger so graciously reminded me the other day. No, instead, to bring some priorities back in order. To get my focus back where it needs to be. 

These are all things I want to teach my kids about. Things I want them to learn growing up. Life is about growing, changing, adapting to life's challenges, and keeping our eyes fixed up above on our author and perfecter of life.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith" (Hebrews 12:1-2, NIV).

Being my children's primary influence can be daunting. It's an awesome roll to fill. One I'm pretty sure I'm not qualified for. But the good news is that I don't have to be. I just have to focus on Jesus, and run this messy race called life each and every day. When my eyes are on Him, my children see that. They see imperfect me, living my life for Him. Fixing my eyes on Him is the best influence I can hope to have over my children. Teaching them to trust Him with their messy, imperfect lives, is the best I can do. Teaching them to go to Him with their worries, their cares, their struggles. That's my prayer for my life, and that's my prayer for theirs. May we persevere, and all become just a little more like Him each and every day.

What Fills You?

What fills you? What brings you joy, helps you to relax, fills you with peace?

 

It seems like it's been coming up alot lately in things that I've been reading. 

A call to be more intentional with my time, my resources, with what is going into my life and what is coming out. A call to seek out my passions, the things my heart finds joy in, the things God has called me to do.

With Emma back in preschool, our life has hit a new routine, a new groove. I'm so thankful for the gift of time, time to write, time to run errands, time to simply sip a cup of tea while Ezra takes his morning nap. I love that Emma loves school so much, her bucket is filled in those times. She has her special thing to talk about, look forward to, to excel at. 

And I have been given the gift of time as well. You wouldn't think it, with one child at home, but it truly makes a difference. Maybe it's the difference in my children's personalities, Ezra is definitely the more easy going of the two, or just the fact that Ezra usually takes a long morning nap while Emma's at school, but these school days are truly wonderful. I remember last Fall, when I first put Emma in this preschool program, how I was so hesitant to do so. I honestly felt that I was failing as a mommy, if we both needed time away from each other each week, that I wasn't doing something right. A year later, I'm realizing just how wrong that mentality was. Every kid is so, so different. Some kids don't need to be sent to preschool, but Emma, Emma thrives in that environment, she truly does. She's so happy there, and my heart is full knowing that her heart is full.

It's full when I drop her off, when I write blog posts while little man takes his morning nap. It's full when I seek out the things that make me happy. Time to write, time to craft, time to minister into the lives of others. 

So here's a question for you today? What fills you? Are those things good? Do they bring honor to Jesus? Or are they time fillers? Empty? 

Just some thoughts for you today :)

Stewardship

"Whoever is faithful in very little is also faithful in much, and whoever is unrighteous in very little is also unrighteous in much. So if you have not been faithful with the unrighteous money, who will trust you with what is genuine? And if you have not been faithful with what belongs to someone else, who will give you what is your own? No household slave can be the slave of two masters, since either he will hate one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You can’t be slaves to both God and money” (Luke 16:HCSB).

Do money and possession have a hold over me? How much worth do I put on possessions, things? It's easy to get caught up in the latest and greatest, the latest phone, that latest children's toy, the latest baby "essential."

Honestly, I've found myself throwing around money a little too freely. If my kids need more art supplies, I buy them. If they need some snacks, we add it to the grocery list. If we need new clothes, we buy them. 

But am I so free with my giving? Why do I hesitate before giving to charities? Why do I worry about expenses, when planning a party for a friend?

And it goes further than money.

What I am I doing with the talents God has given to me? Am I making use of my strengths, my callings, my spiritual gifts? Am I living fully in who God created me to be? Or do I live my life looking at those around me, wishing I was somehow different?

Time, Money, Gifts, there are so many areas to practice discipline in. To step back, and take a look, think about how we're doing, individually. This is where I'm sitting today. These are the areas I want to improve. 

I want to be a little more cautious when it comes to spending money on myself, and more free when it comes to helping others. This might mean writing down my spending, keeping track of what's actually going in and out in a week. Little expenses add up, if I want to give more, I probably need to be more mindful of things that I could cut out. Also, it might mean becoming a little more crafty, thinking of handmade ways I could give to others, without money flowing out of our budget. Either way, I long to be more intentional. Also, It means spending more time in prayer, being open to what the Holy Spirit has to say on the matter of stewardship, what directions He wants me (and our family) to go in our giving. Who knows, some new opportunities may present themselves. 

Money is such a personal matter, but it was truly on my heart today.

What about you?

A role to play

 

"Now as we have many parts in one body, and all the parts do not have the same function, in the same way we who are many are one body in Christ and individually members of one another.  according to the grace given to us, we have different gifts: If prophecy,use it according to the standard of one’s faith; if service, in service;if teaching, in teaching; if exhorting, in exhortation; giving, with generosity; leading, with diligence; showing mercy, with cheerfulness" (Romans 12: 4-7, HCSB).

As I read these verses, I started thinking about my own family. We're all different. My husband is a bit more reserved than me, he things before he speaks (an admirable trait!). My daughter is vivacious, and high spirited, while my son is a bit quieter, less talkative, but such a silly, easy going little man. We're all different, but we come together as a family. A family with different members, different roles to play. Mother, Father, sister, brother, over the years, we'll work together to get things accomplished. As our kids get older, they'll take on more chores around the house, be responsible for their own hygiene, for eating well and exercising. As their parents, it's our job to teach them these things. To raise them up to be responsible humans. And to raise them up to know Jesus.

I think moving every few years as really shown me the importance of a church family. The importance of being surrounded by like-minded people, people who fill in the gaps when our extended family can't be close. Family that prays, encourages, and even makes meals for you from time to time. Family that visists you in the hospital, offers to watch your kids, notices when you miss a Sunday. Military life isn't always easy. Moving every few years is downright rough. I truly miss the people we've left behind, in other states, at other stations. But, when I look around, I realize how much God has blessed us, right here, right now. The friendships we have may be different than we expected, but they're filling specific roles, filling spaces that we didn't realize were empty. They're filling different parts of the body. Being our hands, our eyes, our prayer warriors. 

It's beautiful how God provides, even when we don't realize it. 

This post went a slightly different direction than I was expecting, but it's beautiful, just the same. It's left me excited, thinking about all the beautiful people in my life. Far and near, they've encouraged me, changed me, and continue to invest in me. And for that I'm thankful.

Family, both biological and spirtual, is a beatufiul thing.

Irrevocable Calling

"God's gracious gifts and calling are irrevocable" (Romans 11:29, HCSB).

There are many things I don't know about this world. I look at my children and they puzzle me, they're such individuals, always changing, always challenging, always causing me to troubleshoot in a new way. I look at the world aorund me and see people I care about suffering, grieving, going through hard times. I can't completley wrap my head around pain, around suffering. There's just so many things that I can't fully answer, can't fully grasp.

But I do know Jesus. 

I that my identity is found in Him.

He created me to do good works.

He has called me to be a child of the king.

He has called me to live a life of worship to Him.

Isn't that really the most important thing?

If so, then why to I demean myself? Why do I criticize? Why do I chose to focus on all the things I do wrong, all the areas of life that I fall up short? Why I am often my own harshest critic?

In doing that, I'm criticizing the very person God created. 

I'm criticizing the clay He formed into a unique vessel.

I'm forgetting that He has good in-store for me, that He doesn't make mistakes.

I'm forgetting that He created me to serve Him.

He created me to live this life as a daughter of the king.

His calling on my life is real. It's true.

Not false like the lies this world tells me.

I belong to Him.

His plan is a beautiful one.

His calling is real.

His gifts, His gifts are beautiful things.

My mind is filled with all the callings and gifts He's placed in my life. Maybe they're worth writing down, journaling about, pondering over, recognizing, dwelling on.

And don't forget the last word in the verse up above. God's calling on our lives is irrevocable. It can't be changed. It can't be undone. It's final. His calling is set in place. It's up to me to live out that calling. Seek out what God wants of me. Spend time in His presence so that that calling can be realized in my life. Open up my heart, and my ears. Listen to my heart of hearts. 

Is Christ's calling evident in your life? What gifts and callings has He placed on your heart?

The Potter

 

"But who are you, a mere man, to talk back to God? Will what is formed say to the one who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?” Or has the potter no right over the clay, to make from the same lump one piece of pottery for honor and another for dishonor?" (Romans 9:20-21, HCSB).

The imagery of a potter and his clay has long struck me. He created us with a distinct purpose. Both our outward appearance and inward traits are unique, our own, and so beautiful. We are no mistake. He breathed life into us, knowing every day that we would live upon this earth, "before one of them came to be" (Psalm 139:16, NIV). 

"And what if He did this to make known the riches of His glory on objects of mercy that He prepared beforehand for glory— on us, the ones He also called, not only from the Jews but also from the Gentiles? As He also says in Hosea:
'I will call Not My People, My People, and she who is Unloved, Beloved. And it will be in the place where they were told,you are not My people, there they will be called sons of the living God'"(Romans 9:23-26, HCSB).

Way back in Genesis, we read about God's great plan, how He promised to make an entire nation out of one man's descendants (Abraham). The Israelites have long been God's chosen people. Out of Abraham's line eventually came Jesus, who would bridge the gap for Jews and for Gentiles. The People who were not His people would have a way to become His people. They, too, would be called the sons of God. 

Jesus Christ bridged that gap, His death and resurrection made it possible for all of us to have eternal life. Not through any acts we have personally done, but through accepting the great price Jesus paid for all of us.

I loved reading these verses from Romans this morning. It was such a great reminder of how intentional God is. He is the great Potter, who makes no mistakes when forming His clay. I have a specific reason for being here, my looks, my likes, my dislikes, my passions, the things I enjoy here on earth, are for a reason. He created me to serve Him. To bring glory to Him in everything. And through Christ, I, a Gentile, am a part of the Kingdom of God. 

Eternal life wasn't just for the Jewish nation, but for me, and you as well.

There was always a plan, from the beginning.

Isn't it nice knowing that God didn't make a mistake?

He placed you here on earth, in the family you're in, with your strengths and weakness, for a very distinct purpose.

Live in the freedom today. Live in that knowledge today.

Be encouraged, friend. The Potter made something beautiful when He made you!

Thankful Thursday

I'm in the mood to be thankful. To continue to see everything I'm doing right. My tendency is to see the wrong, to get discouraged by the gaps, instead of noticing all the moments of light. The moments where God shines into my life.

Being a parent is truly one of the hardest things I've ever done. The long hours, the decisions on how to respond, the disciplining, the general wrangling.

Emma came home from her first day of Preschool today. She happily chatted about her new friends, about her classroom, about walking in line while they were in the hall. She told me how she listened to her teacher, how she reached out and befriended the new girl.

And my heart, my heart swelled. 

My vivacious girl did well.

As much as she tests me at home, she thrives.

She loves school, learning, befriending, interacting with others.

She listens to authority.

She's considerate.

She's a hard worker.

I, am doing something right.

I am not a complete failure, like my head tries to tell me on the hard days.

My pastor recently said something in church about the head verses the heart. He said that studies have shown that if the head says one thing and the heart says another, we'll follow our hearts.

My girl has a good heart.

She truly does.

I may, at times, focus on her head, her head that choses to disobey, to talk back, to give her Mama a rough time.

But her heart, is sweet.

It truly is.

And I pray, as she gets older, that she'll take that sweet heart and turn it to Jesus.

I thank God for this beautiful child.

And for the reminder that I really am doing ok.

I think sometimes well all need reminders like that.

You are doing ok, friend. You really are. Take a moment to look around you and see the beauty God has placed in your life. Shove the dark aside, and search for the light. There's promise there, and hope. Always hope. 

The good in today

I am not someone who has it all together. I haven't yet fully figured out how to balance housework with family and writing, and other day to day responsible. I strive to feed my family fresh, from the earth food, but sometimes my kids still eat sugary cereal for breakfast. There are always dishes in my sink, dirt and dust somewhere on the floor, and various toys and piles of papers throughout the house. I was focusing on trying to pick up last night when my one year old son fell, and busted his mouth. He was crying, blood was streaming, and I felt like a truly, horrible mother. I'd turned my back for a minute. I was trying to balance all of the responsibilities of motherhood. 

Some days are just hard people, just hard. 

When I focus on all the things that have gone wrong in a day, I feel pretty hopeless. Pretty beat up. 

Until.

Until I let things shine in the proper light. 

Until I let God show me how things really are.

The moments when I praise my daughter's hard work, her face shines, her eyes sparkle. The moments when we silly dance across the kitchen floor, because what else would you do at seven o'clock in the morning? The moment when my daughter hugged me, and I hugged back. The laughter, the kisses, the hours spent cuddling, building puzzles, answering every question under the sun.

Thinking of the things I've done right fills me with happiness, fills me with hope. There's nothing like stepping back and seeing things for what they are. There's nothing like finding the beauty in a day.

And so, take the time to look around you today. Ask yourself what you're doing right. Be encouraged, knowing that God does have good and beautiful plans in store of you. You may not see it yet, but hope is there, a sliver of light, of hope is shining through.

The Uncertain Days

I don't have very many words to say today. I'm sorting through feelings, thoughts, and praying without ceasing (see 1 Thessalonians 5:17) for both of my mothers today. My mother & mother-in-law are both facing some scary health issues at the moments. Our life is in a bit of an upheaval. Days like today, the many miles that separate all of us are tough. Some days I'm busy, focused on my kids, and I don't really think about how far away our families are. And then, days like today, I have more time on my hands than I know what to do with. The day is almost too quiet. The kids, almost too peaceful. Perhaps it's God's way of saying, Just Be. Just be in my presence today. 

Just Be like the Israelites, when they came to the Red Sea. They looked behind them and saw the Egyptians chasing after them. They looked forward and only saw water in front of them. In that moment, Moses said,

 “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" (Exodus 14:13-14, NIV). 

My how we need the Lord fighting on our side. It's comforting to know that He's right there, already handling the sittuation. We, as humans, are so short sideded. We see what's in front of us, here and now. Or perhaps we look backward, and see our enemy chasing after us, getting closer and closer. We look around in desperation, instead of looking up, at God, our protector. 

He will fight for us. 

Sometimes, it doesn't take any more action than that. 

Sometimes, days come where we're told to just be still, wait for the deliverance of the Lord. Rely on Him to provide in the situation.

On Sunday, my Pastor was talking about the Israelites' Exodus from Egypt. He pointed out something interesting that I'd never seen before. Verses 13-14 tell the Israelites to be still and wait, while verse 15 tells the Israelites to start moving.

It's all in God's timing. For a time, they had to wait and watch, and then, when it was time to part the Red Sea so that they could pass through, God told them to move.

Oh how I want to be that in-tune with God. To hear Him when He says to wait, and to hear Him when He says to move.

Wait or Move, Be Still or Act. Our lives our filled with such moments.

Be open. Pray.  Listen. Just Be.

Today, today is a waiting day. A wondering day. A praying day. A taking care of children, laundry, dishes, and praying kind of day.

Who knows what tomorrow holds, but I do know this:

"God is our refuge and strength,

    an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way

    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

though its waters roar and foam

    and the mountains quake with their surging.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,

    the holy place where the Most High dwells.

God is within her, she will not fall;

    God will help her at break of day.

Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;

    he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

The Lord Almighty is with us;

    the God of Jacob is our fortress....

He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God;

    I will be exalted among the nations,

    I will be exalted in the earth.'

The Lord Almighty is with us;

    the God of Jacob is our fortress" (Psalm 46: 1-7, 10-11, NIV).

Meg-time

He caught me. I asked Him for some "Mommy-time." If I could got to the Farmers Market by myself, and maybe take the long way home via a coffee shop. His reply, "Don't you mean you need 'Meg-time.' 

Why the difference in word choices? Because, as much as I'm mommy, I'm so much more than that. I'm Meg, Meg the mother, Meg the wife, Meg the writer, Meg the lover of life, of nature, of reading, Meg the follower of Christ. 

And sometimes, I just need that time.

Time. Time to think, to breathe, to remember why I'm living this life. 

It's the time I seek in the early morning hours. The time I seek right now, while both children nap.

It's the moments, the seemingly split-second increments where I re-focus, revamp, reconnect with my Creator. Where I sit in peace and quiet, ok with that quiet. 

Ok with just being me.

Those moments of quiet are very conducive to worrying. The other night i sat upright in bed, so concerned about some parenting choices I've been making.

Life, life is such a battle. 

But shouldn't it be so?

We live in a world that's not our own. We are imperfect, I am imperfect surround by imperfect. 

But we're not called to wallow in those imperfections.

No, we're called to perfect peace.

"You will keep the mind that is dependent on You
in perfect peace, for it is trusting in You" (Isaiah 26:3, HCSB).

We're called to lives of joy.

"You reveal the path of life to me; in Your presence is abundant joy; in Your right hand are eternal pleasures" (Psalm 16:11, HCSB).

We're called to such a beautiful life, something I sometimes forget when I'm the midst of mommy-mode.

Sometimes, my introvert heart needs a break.

Sometimes, my heart asks for a moment, an hour, a chance to breathe.

I'm so thankful to my husband for giving me that on Saturday morning.

Not much was accomplished. I didn't use the time to clean, or write any blog posts.

I just enjoyed an overcast Saturday Farmers Market.

But it was a good time.

I found fresh produce to fill my family's tummies, a huge watermelon for the Church Potluck on Sunday, and some flowers, just to brighten up our home.

I didn't stop being mommy during that hour or two away. No, I was just as much Mommy in those moments as I am right now, while Ezra eats his lunch in his high chair next to my desk. But I think the significance of it being Meg-time was this.

It gave me a chance to breathe.

To regroup.

To give thanks for a beautiful day.

To look forward to getting back to my family.

To the ones who call me mommy.

To the one who calls me wife.

There have been times in my life where "Meg-time" was next to impossible. Where my whole heart had to be devoted to young babies. When my children have been attached to me, when my husband's work, and this country, has asked a lot of him. Seasons have past without the gifts of such Saturdays. I understand what a gift that time was. 

I treasure the moments I am given.

They truly are a gift.

Time with Jesus

"After we sighted Cyprus, leaving it on the left, we sailed on to Syria and arrived at Tyre, because the ship was to unload its cargo there. So we found some disciples and stayed there seven days. Through the Spirit they told Paul not to go to Jerusalem. When our days there were over, we left to continue our journey, while all of them, with their wives and children, escorted us out of the city. After kneeling down on the beach to pray, we said good-bye to one another. Then we boarded the ship, and they returned home" (Acts 21:3-6, HCSB).

What is the current condition of my heart? Am I in a disciplined place where I can hear the direction of the Holy Spirit? Am I spending time with Jesus daily, pausing for His voice, His presence?
The life of a mommy is a noisy one. WIth a chatty 3 year old and needy baby, I really don't get too many moments to myself. Writing is my chance to breathe. It's my chance to digest. It's my chance to contemplate scripture, God's plan, the ins and outs of life that are going differently than I thought.
I try to carve out a few minutes each more for devotion. Sometimes, like today, the house is actually quiet. Other days, I'm reading my scripture verses while Emma talks in the background. Often, she's asking for my attention. I've honestly had to set up some boundaries, telling her that Mama needs these few minutes each morning. It's not a perfect set-up, I'm often still a little distracted, but I'm trying to set a new precedent in practice. I'm trying to say that Mama's devotions, and, let's be honest, Mama's first cup of coffee, need to be accomplished first each day.
And I don't think that's a bad thing to do.
My children are sponges. They see and hear everything that happens in a day, and absorb it for later contemplation. They are learning and changing, as the days go by. I want them to soak up some Good News as well. I love the mornings when Emma asks me to read the verses out loud. They don't make much sense to her now, but she's soaking it in. She's learning. She's, hopefully, seeing that this time is important to me.
This short time to read and pray are sometimes the only moments I have to myself in a day. There's other snippets, maybe an hour when they're resting in the afternoon, but that time is irregular. My morning cup of coffee, and my morning internet browse are regular, every day occurrences. And so, I try to make my devo time first. I use a Bible app, and open it up first thing in the morning, before my coffee is even downed.
All because I want to be open to the movement of the Holy Spirit in my life. I need His direction as I deal with children everyday. I need His direction as I write and encourage and interact both online in social media and at the grocery store, playground, church. But in order to be led, I have to be fed, I have to make time with Jesus and integral part of my day.

Lord Jesus, work through me as I interact with those around me today. Help me to see the greater picture, how I can best encourage my children to become more like you. Direct my thoughts, footsteps, and actions through each moment of this day.

Monday

I life my eyes toward the mountains.

Where will my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not allow your foot to slip;

your Protector will not slumber.

Indeed, the Protector of Israel

does not slumber or sleep.

The Lord protects you;

the Lord is a shelter right by your side.

The sun will not strike you by day

or the moon by night.

The Lord will protect you from all harm;

He will protect your life.

The Lord will protect your coming and going

both now and forever.

Psalm 121 (HCSB)

Today has been one of those days. You know, a day that just seems a little off kilter, a little out of wack. Time-outs before Mama finishes her coffee never bode well for the day. When it comes to my 3 year old, I'm trying so hard to take a few breaths, give things a little space, and give myself time for a little prayer. The answers still aren't immediate, but I did find myself cooling down a little bit, ready to greet the next challenge.

The rest of the morning had it's trials, but we (thankfully) made it to nap time without a full-blown tantrum. Parenthood is hard. It just is. Lunchtime found us with one of those "mommy of the year moments." I looked into the bonus room, where Ezra was supposedly playing, and found him chowing down on a cluster of grapes, purple stain everywhere around. I took the grapes away, and turned around to talk to Emma, who had just come in from the back yard. While I was talking my daughter, the baby quickly crawled out the backdoor into the yard, trying to make a get-away to who knows where. Sigh. Such a crazy boy.

Mommy hood has definitely been a season of testing. A season of challenges. Oh how I longed for the privilege of raising little ones. And oh how unexpectedly hard it has been. Have you been there? Have you ever been faced with daunting challenges? The challenges never seem to quite go away, they just change with the seasons. Develop, flower. Learn. Grow. 

I've grown and changed so much as a mommy. Almost four years ago I was granted the amazing gift of raising this girl, this girl who challenges me, this girl who causes me to look even more toward my Lord up above. To cry out for help each and every day. This girl who is helping me grow and be the woman God has called me to be. 

Psalm 121 is such a great reminder of God's provision. He sees all things, protects all things, is always there right beside us through it all. He's there, during early morning disciplining, during afternoon tiredness, during middle of the night feedings. He's there, when the parenting answers are unclear, when we feel exasperated or unsure of where to come next. He's there. He's our protector, our strength. Be encouraged today friends. He's ready and willing to take on your burdens. 

The Lake

 

Have you ever been to Lake Michigan? If not, you're surely missing out. The Great Lakes are truly one of my favorite places to be. We just returned from a week at my parent's cottage. Located in a little town, it truly makes me happy. Driving up toward it, my shoulders relax and I let out a sigh. It's time for rest. It's time for family. It's time to enjoy some days where the sun doesn't set until 9:30PM, where the beach, coffee shops, ice cream, and bookshops are all within walking distance. It's time for crafts, marshmallows, and lazy morning cups of coffee. These summer days are for memory making, sand castle building, remembering why we love our family so. 

I think we all need such breaks. Moments away. Moments away from the everyday pressures that can feel like way too much. Moments to remember where our priorities lie, what truly matters. Times when we can actually squeeze in a night away with our spouse, while the grandparents watch the kiddos. Times to treasure relationship, laughter, and just, just sitting and soaking in the sunshine.

Thank you Jesus for such a vacation. You do truly know that my heart needed it.