Planted

Today I feel drained.

My heart, feels so close to shattering.

I'm not sure I can handle it.

But then again, I'm not supposed to. 

Not on my own.

Lord, please work through the situations that I cannot. Give me the words, or the silence, when it's needed.

I'm not used to this.

This soil, feels so dry.

These roots, dislike transplanting so much.

To stretch

To grow.

Oh Lord, how painful it is!

My heart, it aches for simpler times.

Weak.

Unsure.

Doubtful.

But then, 

I remember.

That you are my strength when I am weak.

The soil, has to be dug up.

Transplanting may occur.

So that all can see the light.

But oh the process of getting there.

Right now, I can hardly breathe.

I'm stuck in the midst of the middle season.

The season of growth.

The season of trust.

Trust in the gardener, and His ever present hand.

Trust that He sees the Master plan, the way this garden will come together in the end.

Trust that He understands the process, when I cannont.

Trust on the days when transplanting just plain hurts.

When this life is anything but easy.

When I can't see the bigger picture.

When I know that growth is painful.

Being faced with my own shortcomings is painful.

Not knowing is painful.

But trusting.

Trusting in His masterplan.

Trusting that He has planted me here for good reasons.

“He is like a tree planted beside streams of water that bears its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.”

— Psalm 1:3, HCSB

The Power of Food

Chicken Curry, one of our favorite recipes from It Starts With Food: Discover the Whole30 and Change Your Life in Unexpected Ways by Dallas and Melissa Hartwig.

My husband and I have been taking the Whole 30 challenge this month. Thirty days without sugar, grains, legumes, and dairy, a little crazy, yes? I thought so too, but I was intrigued, and wanted to give it a chance. I can hardly believe that we're now down to the last week. We've almost made it!  Here are some of my findings so far:

I love fresh vegetables and fruit! And I sorely underestimate the amount the four of us will eat at a meal (especially if I want leftovers for lunch the next day!). Also, meat and vegetables are tremendously filling! They leave me full, and settle well with me.

I still need a snack, largely because our days start early around here. But, with so many things off the table, I find my snacks are healthy, fruit and veggies, things that will only give me more energy.

It’s not all that hard to say no. I’ve been presented with several opportunities to cheat. In that past, I would have said that “ I had no choice.” Who can stare brownies in the face and say no? Definitely not me. Plus, I worry about being impolite if I do say no. Now, I’ve found, that it’s really not that bad. I really do have more control over myself then I thought I did. Food, does not have such a crazy hold on me.

It's not impossible to travel and eat healthy. I was kind of nervous about doing Whole 30 during our Spring Break trip, but we succeeded! We packed coolers with plenty of food to eat, had our lunches pre-planned, and researched the menu of a local restaurant at our destination. We knew, before entering the restaurant, what exactly we could eat there, and left feeling satisfied, without cheating. Honestly, it was hard being on a family vacation and having to plan so much, but it was doable. We made sure our hotel room had a little kitchenette, so that we could cook some meals while we were there as well. This definitely helped a ton! And I found myself loving our picnic lunches with the kids each day. It was such a great way to spend time together! (Picnic lunches on vacations are definitely a trend I plan to keep after Whole 30!). 

Do I feel incredibly different? Not really. Sadly, this eating plan hasn’t really helped my headaches. They’re still there, but, we can count out a lot of food groups as the culprits now, which I guess is helpful? I'm also not sure I have loads more energy,  but I do have two little kids who honestly wear me out each day. My amount of energy largely depends on them, how well they sleep at night, and if they have a good rest time during the day. Just the same, I feel good about myself, and the food choices I'm making this month.
 

After Whole 30? We’ve talked about still trying to eat pretty healthy. Still filling up our plates with protein, fruit and veggies. Yes, grains will find their way back into our lives, but I’d like them to take a smaller role in the meal, at least most days.

Hardest part? Planning 3 meals, 7 days a week. It’s been good for me to get back into having a meal plan, to have options. For several years now, we’ve basically ate out on the weekends, or had leftovers at home. I would like to try harder after Whole 30 to plan through the weekend as well.

Missing? I definitely miss our homemade popcorn on Sunday nights (we usually have a movie night with the kids!). Although we’ve been creative this month, making baked sweet potato fries each movie night. I’m sure we’ll go back to popcorn, but we may have the homemade fries as well.

Also missing? The ability to order pizza if I’m truly exhausted... and wine. I like the occasional glass of wine with the hubby :)

And I know the hubby is missing legumes, we love our lentils and peas :)

We had gotten pretty slack, eating out too much, and not having fruits and veggies at every meal. This has been a great way to get us back on track, make us think about what we’re putting into our system everyday, and look toward the future. And in a lot of ways, it’s empowered me.

We always have a choice.

We’re not trapped.

Food should be enjoyable. It should be favorable. It should be fun. Those are things I want to teach my children. I also want to teach them that there’s always a choice. We don’t always have to indulge.

In some ways, I think when you indulge too much, the moments that you do splurge are less enjoyable. You haven’t been anticipating it. It’s not that best thing ever. But when you save up, when you ask yourself “is this truly worth it? Is this the best cake recipe ever?” then you can truly enjoy it for what it is, a treat. Then you can enjoy food. Enjoy life. Feel good about yourself, and the way you’re raising your loved ones.

Whole 30 has been a great way to experiment with this.

But, I’m getting ahead of myself. We still have 7 days left.

Here goes the last week!

Let those Flowers Grow

I transplanted a bunch of Iris bulbs early this Spring. They were packed in the ground, two, sometimes even three bulbs deep. They were beautiful last year, but just wait until they bloom now! Now that they have space. Now that they can all sink their roots deeply into the soil and breathe. Yes, they'll be pretty this Spring, but it will be next year when they're in their glory. Next Spring, my yard will be filled with purple, at least as long as the blooms hold. 

It's hard thinking that i may not see my bulbs bloom next year. That this could, very well, be our last Spring in this town. The military is like that. Families are always picking up and moving on. I'm aware of this. I already have a few PSC's under my belt. Just the same, I love this place, this town, our church, our daughter's school. It's precious to me because of the memories we've created here, the relationships we've invested in. To think that I may not see my flowers bloom next Spring hurts my heart. 

For the longest time, I didn't plant much, didn't spend much time with my hands sunk in the dirt, sun shining on my head. I didn't garden, because why would I? Why would I when someone else may see the fruit? Yes, I did keep some potted plants, because pots can easily be moved. But plant things in the dirt? No, I wouldn't invest that energy into it. But this year. This year feels different. This year I long for the feeling of dirt between my fingers. I look forward to watching my bulbs bloom. I tend and care for them because it's therapeutic to me, it brings me joy.

This place, this humble home we live in, may not always be ours, but it's ours for this season. For this season, it's where we eat, where we sleep, where our children laugh and learn and grow. And I want to take pride in my home, inside and out. I want to make those most of an imperfect space, furniture that never quite fits and that's covered in stains from "helpful" toddlers," cube shelves that worked wonderfully in our last house, but fit awkwardly here, odd shaped rooms, growing children that need more space, odd places for my office computer. This is all part of what makes up our home, for today.  And so, I plan to live in it. I'll organize it the best I can, live with the imperfections, and plant flowers that will bloom. Why? Because they speak to my soul. They make me happy. They bring joy. Joy to me. And joy to those who may live in this home after us. 

This is the day that the Lord has made. I WILL rejoice and be glad in it. 

My encouragement to you today? Let those flowers grow, even if you may not see the results. Invest in what you have right before you right now. Seek beauty and life. Live completely in today, in the beautiful life God has given you. Let Him take care of tomorrow. 

2015 Bookshelf

I have now finished 8 of the 12 categories on Modern Mrs. Darcy's 2015 Book Challenge. I'm really having fun with this! It's a great way to prioritize, and read a bunch of books I've been wanting to read anyway! This challenge has also encouraged me to start using my local library a lot more. I got out of practice, with little ones at home, so it's been fun frequenting our local library on a weekly basis. If you'd like to see my reading list, visit my Pinterest board here.

A Book My Mom Loves: Mr. Churchill's Secretary by Susan Elia MacNeal

I have to admit, I'm hooked on this series. It's fiction, but I love how much history is woven right into the story.  This is book 1 in the Maggie Hope series. Maggie is Prime Minister Winston Churchill's newest typist. While working in his office, she's quickly pulled into a mystery, one she must help resolve with her code-breaking skills, before it's too late.  Maggie is such a smart, independent character, but you still feel her frustrations as a single woman during WWII. She wants to be taken seriously, but that's not always easy. The mystery may be slightly farfetched, but it was enjoyable, and kept me reading until the last page!

Downside: Some swearing, references to Maggie's best friend being gay,  and some inferred intimate scenes between characters.  I honestly don't see the point of these things. The story would be perfectly find without it. 

Recommended For: someone who loves historical fiction, and a good mystery. Even with the drawbacks, I couldn't wait to see what happened next in Maggie's story. I've already read book two (Princess Elizabeth's Spy)!

A Book In A Genre I Wouldn't Typically Read:  Starship Troopers by Robert A. Heinlein.
 

I have to admit, this book was quite the departure for me. When I looked at this category, I quickly turned to my husband for help. He's a sci-fi guy, so I knew he could recommend something good for me. Overall, I wasn't disappointed. I was fascinated by the world Heinlein created in this novel. Published in 1959, it gives a futuristic look at what life will look like, if we all inhabit outer space someday. There's a lot of social commentary, which I often found dry and longwinded, but I loved all of the descriptions of the starship and the troopers uniforms. I also enjoyed the actual missions Johnnie Rico went on. There's much that can be applied, even to our society today. It's fascinating to think that Heinlein's futuristic world was probably taking place in the 21st century. We definitely don't have some of the technology he dreamed we'd have by now, which makes the book even more intriguing. 

Recommend For:  anyone who is interested into an late 1950s look at sci-fi. Or for anyone with a sci-fi fanatic spouse :) It's definitely a good conversation starter type book.

A Book Published This Year: Where Trust Lies by Janette Oke and Laurel Oke Logan

I have been an avid Janette Oke fan since I started reading her books in Junior High (more than 15 years ago, what?). I also have to admit to being a Heartie (Hallmark's When Calls the Heart).  The Hallmark television series was a big hit when the first season aired last year! It takes a large departure from Janette Oke's original series by the same name, so Oke, along with her daughter Oke-Logan, chose to write a companion series to follow along. These books follows Beth, the niece of Elizabeth in the original book series. When Courage Calls was the first book. Where Trust Lies picks up where the first book ended. Beth travels back home from her teaching post in Coal Valley to visit with her family for the summer. While home, the women in Beth's family surprise her with a cruise. Most of the story, along with the mystery, take place on the cruise ship. 

I have to say I loved the mystery aspect of this story. It was definitely different from past stories I've read by Oke. I also love that it's a companion to the Hallmark show, although Oke & Logan  take  creative liberties with the story (it doesn't necessarily follow the plot of the Hallmark show). 

I also enjoyed the look into propriety, honoring your father and mother, and the general etiquette of the time-period. Beth's younger sister, Julie, definitely pushes the boundaries on this. 

Downside: It doesn't quite feel like Oke's books of old. The writing style is definitely different now that she's older and her daughter is writing along side her. I can't explain the difference exactly, but it's definitely there. I'm just not quite as in love with this book as I have been with past ones. Maybe it was the setting change? I'd rather see Beth at her teaching post, then on a fancy cruise boat. Even with the downsides, I will definitely still be reading the next book in the series. 

Recommended For: someone who wants a nice, Christian, wholesome book to read.  

A Book I've Been Meaning to Read: Where'd You Go, Bernadette by Maria Semple

This book has been on all kinds of "must read lists" since it was published 2 years ago. Overall, I found it to be quirky, interesting, and a bit mysterious. I also loved the format, a mixture of letters, emails, memos, and the like. It definitely makes for a light-hearted read. 

Downside: Some swearing and sexual language. 

Overall: It's mixed for me. Once again, there's a little bit of content that makes me give a cautionary review :/ Just the same, it was a really quick read for me. Nice and easy, compared to some other books I have on my bedside table!

Recommend For: someone with the travel bug who wants a different, light-hearted, easy to read book. 

A Reminder from Joshua

“But in spite of this you did not trust the Lord your God, who went before you on the journey to seek out a place for you to camp. He went in the fire by night and in the cloud by day to guide you on the road you were to travel.”

— Deuteronomy 1:32-33, HCSB

“For the Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this immense wilderness. The Lord your God has been with you this past 40 years, and you have lacked nothing.’”

— Deuteronomy 2:7, HCSB

“ Don’t be afraid of them, for the Lord your God fights for you.”

— Deuteronomy 3:22, HCSB

The Lord was before the Israelites, by day and by night. A pillar by day and a fire by night. They saw His miraculous signs and wonders, His protection of them, time and again, yet still they didn't trust Him. Still they feared what they saw with their eyes. They looked at their circumstances, and withered, backing off. How could they ever face such giants? 

Time and again, Joshua is reminded to be strong and courageous, for The Lord fights for them.

That's such a great reminder to us as well. 

Be strong and courageous.  

Those giants, they are nothing compared to the power of our Almighty God. 

Hallelujah.  

That's the truth I stand upon today. 

He has overcome. 

His is able to handle the giants of my life today. 

He doesn't want me to live in defeat, in doubt, in wondering about my own self-worth. 

Not when He has already overcome. 

I could spend my life wandering around a wilderness. And, honestly, there are times that this life feels like a wilderness. 

Parched. Destitute. Seemingly-without Hope. 

But then God arrives. 

The Breathe of life. 

My manna in the wilderness. 

My provider. 

My sustainer. 

And He reminds me, much like Joshua, to be strong and  courageous.  

To not fear. 

For The Lord God goes with me wherever I go. 

“Where can I go to escape Your Spirit?
Where can I flee from Your presence?
If I go up to heaven, You are there;
if I make my bed in Sheol, You are there.
If I live at the eastern horizon
or settle at the western limits,
even there Your hand will lead me;
Your right hand will hold on to me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me,
and the light around me will be night”—
even the darkness is not dark to You.
The night shines like the day;
darkness and light are alike to You.”

— Psalm 139: 7-12, HCSB

A Woman Who Loved

She loved.

Not with an everyday lovey-dovey sort of love, but with agape. A love that keeps no record of wrong. A love that hopes. A love that never fails.

I’m still trying to figure out that sort of love.

My own love is imperfect. People aren’t always trustworthy. Those I love don’t always follow through. They make mistakes. Un-friend me. And my, how I can hold grudges against them. I think back to times of my life, moments from my childhood, and I can once again feel mad about it. Betrayal. Hurt. Unforgiveness. On my own, I feel all of these things.

But she lived a life different than that.

She who by earthly standards could have held far more grudges than I.

She who watched her father, her sister, her brother, her nephew, and so many others die from mistreatment.

She who experienced hunger and pain, verbal and physical abuse.

She chose to forgive.

And her story influenced my own spiritual legacy.

Want to read more?  March is "Honoring Women" month over at The Mudroom. Hop on over there today, and find out more about this amazing woman. She's definitely someone with a Legacy of Love. 

2015 Bookshelf: All The Light We Cannot See

I finished this book at the end of January. For days I was buried in the world of France/Germany during WWII. It was entirely  fascinating. I've never read a story, both from the French point of view and from the German. The novel revolved around two characters. Maire-Laure is a blind teenager who grew up in Paris, but is now sequestered in Saint-Malo during the bombings. Werner is a German teenager who was picked up by the Hitler-Youth. Through flashbacks, we watch both characters grow older, until their paths collide in Saint-Malo, during the flattening bombings of the city in 1944.  

The writing style is epic, eloquent, enticing all the senses. The war through the eyes of a blind girl is fascinating, both full of color and absent of color. Though she can't see, she visualizes so much in her brain. 

Werner is faced with many decisions from an early age. Decisions that take him down a dark path. Watching him go through training was fascinating for me as a reader. There are many things about the Hitler youth that I really knew nothing about. And honestly, I felt sorry for Werner. That, also, is the sign of a very talented writer. One who can make you feel sorry for even a Nazi! So much of his life was forced, even brainwashed from an early age. He was an orphan, with no prospects and a deep love of science and learning. That was largely what brought him to this place. But even he will have to make some deicisons along the way. Decisions about following his leaders, or follow what he knows to be right. 

Mare-Laure will also have to make some decisions. Decisions on who she will help, and how she will react to this war and everything happening because of it. She will face some terrifying moments, moments that will forever change her. 

Warnings: This story is about a war, so there are definitely some scenes that are hard to stomach.   Werner watches his comrades get horribly mistreated during their training days, and sees firsthand the brutality of his "cause" when they go into houses and kill everyone in sight, before asking any questions. These scenes are hard to read, but definitely show the reality of war.  The story focuses a lot on the innocence of Maire-Laure and Werner, so there is little profanity or sexual language. At one point, Werner does have some co-workers that are horribly crass in their speech. Also, some German girls are horribly mistreated by some men near the end of the story (which shows that the brutality was not limited to the Nazis). 

Favorite Quotes: Light and music both play such integral roles in the novel. They are almost characters that stand on their own. I'd love to share just a few of my favorite quotes with you. These quotes may giveaway some plot lines in the story, so spoiler alert! But they're so beautiful, I wanted to share: 

Although Maire-Laure's world is completely dark, at the beginning of the novel she sees all the world around her in vibrant colors. This changes as the novel progresses, WWII becomes a harsh reality to the French, and Maire-Laure loses much of what she loved. Still, there are moments of beauty, such as the moment she danced with her great-uncle: 

“He spins her; her fingers flicker through the air. In the candlelight, she looks of another world, her face all freckles, and in the center of the freckles those tow eyes hang unmoving like the egg cases of spiders. They do not track him, but they do not unnerve him, either; they seem almost to see into a separate, deeper place, a world that consists only of music.
”

— p.332-333

Life is very hard and confusing for Maire-Laure. Where once her world was full of color and music, now, it's mostly gray. Gray, expect for her Great-Uncle Etienne, and his desire to share the truth, even though owning a radio is against the law. His contraband radio is used to broadcast news, and to share an occasional beautiful song as encouragement to other Allies:

“Now her world has turned gray. Gray faces and gray quiet and a gray nervous terror hanging over the queue at the bakery and the only color in the world briefly kindled when Etienne climbs the stairs to the attic, knees cracking, to read one more string of numbers into the ether, to send another of Madame Ruelle’s messages, to play a song. That little attic bursting with magenta and aquamarine and gold for five minutes, and then the radio switches off, and the gray rushes back in, and her uncle stumps back down the steps.”

— p.353

Werner fights between a life lived in the mines, deep in the dark, without light, and a life above the surface, serving in the Nazi Regime. By picking the Nazi life, he believes he's making the right decision. A life filled with science and radios and music and everything he loves. But, near the end of the novel, He comes to a different decision. After nearly being buried alive, he comes to the surface, and walks out onto the streets of Saint-Malo. 

“What light shines at night! He never knew. Day will blind him”

— p.460

Perhaps he's finally seeing light for what it actually is. The Nazi's gave him a sense of hope, of purpose, but true light might be an entirely different thing. After coming out into the open, Werner is experiencing light for the first time in a long time. 

Werner and Marie-Laure have to ultimately both make some decisions about what  "light" is.  After finding Marie-Laure, Werner troubles over some thoughts. It's poetic, and heartbreaking:

“Could he, by some miracle, keep this going? Could they hide here until the war ends? Until the armies finish marching back and forth above their heads, until all the have to do is push open the door and shift some stones aside and the house has become a ruin beside the sea? Until he can hold her fingers in his palms and lead her out into the sunshine? He would walk anywhere to make it happen, bear anything; in a year or three or ten, France and Germany would not mean what they meant now; they could leave the house and walk to a tourists’ restaurant and order a simple meal together and eat it in silence, the comfortable kind of silence lovers are supposed to share”

— p.473

Werner debates living in hiding, in darkness with a blind girl who understands more about "light" than he really does. The ultimate decision is something you will have to read about for yourself. But I do hope you pick up this book and read some different perspectives of WWII. By the end of this novel, I was sad to see it go. The characters were so real to me, that I had to remind myself that they were truly only fiction, they didn't exist. It was a powerful story and a great look at history through two unlikely characters. 

Tantrum Days

Would anyone like a spot of tea?

"Would anyone like a spot of tea?"

Friends, can I tell you a secret? Being a mother has been one of the most exhilarating, joy-filled experiences of my life... but also the most heart wrenching, confusing, frustrating things as well. God definitely continues to teach me some lessons along the way, lessons on who I look to for strength when life is at its hardest. 

 I'm pouring my heart out this morning over at The Mudroom Blog. I wish I could sit with each of you personally, but this is second best. So, would pour yourself a cup of tea, and come join me? Just follow this link: http://mudroomblog.com/tantrum-days/

A Giveaway Addiction, and other such confessions

Confession:

I'm really good at using technology.

I have a knack for surfing through social media while doing other things at the same time. I'm also really good at winning giveaways. Why sure I'll "like" all 50 shops on 3 different social media websites and share this giveaway with all my friends.

Please, can I pause now to say that there truly is nothing wrong with entering giveaways. It can be a lot of fun! I've even found some of my favorite bloggers through such giveaways, people I'm still reading years later. In the same token, social media can be such a blessing. Living so far away from family and friends, I count on social media to stay in touch, pray, and encourage loved ones who live far away. As I look at my list of friends, I'm often so amazed at how far stretched my connections are, God has definitely blessed me with some amazing people in my life. I adore social media for that. In fact, I've even made some new, precious friends through social media. 

But, there's a problem too. It becomes an addiction like anything else. As for me, I've become way too addicted to entering giveaways. And lately, I've been convicted of this. I've won a few giveaways that I really didn't want to win. I've received a prize (and have another on it's way) that I really don't desire to own. Why did I enter that giveaway for the gigantic, platinum silver purse, which is absolutely not my style? Why, oh why?

And please, that last thing I want to do with this post is hurt someones feelings. I'm just being honest about my own struggles. I'm human, friends, and sometimes I think I depend on social media, on being recognized, on being good at something, too much.

Having little ones at home is hard, draining work. And it's lonely. Lonely moving every few years and leaving our friends behind. Lonely being in different cities, around different people, and working on forming new connections, new friendships. Lonely, simply in the sense that I'm a full-time, stay at home mom. And so, without realizing it, social media takes too big of a place in my life. Giveaways, in particular, seep in and become way too important.

The honor, the recognition, the sense of being known takes precedent over being known as a daughter of the King. Social media seeps in and takes a place it doesn't deserve. And I hardly realized it was happening. It's a subtle thing. It seeps in, even when I am reading my Bible every day and singing worship tunes throughout the day. It seeps in and doesn't seem "bad," really, compared to other things in life. But it's there. 

In my own life as a mommy I often feel like I fail. I yell too much at my kids, I'm impatient, my house is far from immaculate. I fail at juggling the routine of each day. But I know I'm good at winning giveaways, good at surfing social media, so I turn to that for affirmation. I turn to that, when it's the last thing I should do. I turn to that, while I feel so insufficient in my own life. And then, I recognize the place social media has taken, an I feel like I've failed in that area as well. I look at these prizes I've won, and feel defeated. Downcast. Ashamed. 

But isn't that exactly as it should be?

We recognize our failures, the ways we don't measure up, so that we can turn to Jesus and admit that we make a mess of it on our own. We admit that we don't have it all together. Our priorities are out of wack. We've taken things out of proportion. Become too distracted. We're spending too much time on things that don't matter (such as social media). So that...

So that we can turn our palms up and give it all to Him.

Him, who reminds us that we are weak in this world so that He can be strong.

“But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me.”

— 2 Corinthians 12:9, HCSB

Him, who reminds us that His word should be what we desire most in this life. 

“How sweet Your word is to my taste—
sweeter than honey in my mouth.”

— Psalm 119:103, HCSB

He, who reminds us that we should desire Him, more than any other thing. 

“Who do I have in heaven but You? And I desire nothing on earth but You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart, my portion forever.”

— Psalm 73: 25-26, HCSB

Yes, isn't that beautiful! I may fail, I may often feel defeated, recogizing all that I've done wrong. But God has more for me than feelings of failure and dejection. Of letting my own brain tell me all the ways I don't measure up. No, He gives us those moments of unsufficiency so that we'll learn to lean all the more on Him. He gives us those moments, moments when we recognize just how human we are, so that we depend on Him all the more. He gives us those moments so that we can find freedom from Him. Freedom from addiction. Freedom from pain. Freedom, because He is more than willing to carry our burdens. He is more than willing to be our strength and our protion. Our protion, friends. We don't have to turn to social media, or giveaways, or whatever our temptions may be to find fulffillment, to find release, or recognition. He is already all we need. He is our protion, His words are sweeter than honey, more costly than gold. 

And when we do depend on Him more than any earthly thing, He promises us this:

“You will keep the mind that is dependent on You in perfect peace, for it is trusting in You.”

— Isaiah 26:3, HCSB

Perfect peace. No room for beating myself up with the ways I don't measure up. No room for walking around in worry, or defeat. No, there's no room for those things when perfect peace invades. How joyous I feel, writing these final words. Because I know where my heart lies. He is my strength today and everyday. I truly don't need anything beside Him. And so, I'm leaving to go on with the rest of my day, take care of my house, my family, and sift through unneeded shops on social media, things that are just distracting me too much from what really matters. Because He is my portion.

Thank you for hearing my confession today, friends. I hope it helped and encouraged you!

Frozen Four

She's been singing the songs for months now. Or has it almost been a year?  "Let it Go" solos are a certainty in our world. She swooshes her hands through the year, towel for a cape, funny hat with a blond braid hanging behind her, Elsa doll in hand.
 "Mama, one more time, sing your part." I'm Anna to her Elsa. The one who searches. The one who eventually saves the day with her act of true love.  

She's even told other kids at school that her name is Elsa. 

She loves her world of pretend so much. 

I told her I'll be Anna, as long as Papa can be my Kristoff.  

And so we pretend. Day after day. Each night, I tell her a story about Elsa and Anna. Sometimes straight from the movie, sometimes completely made up. 

There's just something about that story that captivates her. Something that speaks to her four year old heart. 

Little kids are fascinating like that. 

They live in such a beautiful world of make-believe. 

The stories, the songs, they create, and they never really seem to tire of it.

How the fascination can go on week after week, I'm really not sure.  

Why they don't get tired of it, like we do as adults, I'm not sure.

Perhaps there's something about that world of make believe that speaks to their hearts. Perhaps it's a wonderous way that God encourages their little minds to grow, expand, dream a hundred thousand dreams.  

I do know that four is a wonderous time of growth for a child. They're learning letters, numbers, colors, and how to use their imaginations. 

And their learning the wonderous gift of story. 

Oh how I hope my girl always has a love of story, of dream, of imagination. 

Who knows where such an imagination will take her someday. 

But for right now, she's four, and I love her silly ways.  

I know that one day soon, I'll look around, and realize she's not pretending to be Elsa anymore. 

And my heart will hurt a little bit. 

Over the years she's been fascinated with different books, different toys, or even done silly things in public that only little ones would do. A few weeks ago we were standing in the middle of a store, watching a televison where Frozen was playing. When her special song came on, she belted out the lyrics for all to hear.

Unabashed. 

Unashamed. 

Unembarassed. 

And I loved it. I loved being Mama to this girl. 

Because for every terribly hard moment, there are cherished ones as well. For every day that feels like it will never end, for the moments when my introvert bubble feels like it will explode from lack of personal space, from lack of "me time", there are a million precious moments. Moment when I'm reminded that children are amazing, a blessing, and I wouldn't change this "boring" life of mine for anything. They're mind in all their craziness, all their silliness, all their good and bad moments.  

This little world of make believe that young children live in will pass soon enough. For right now, I choose to celebrate it. Celebrate their fascination with song, with story, with make-believe. Celebrate, and encourage her active brain, so that one day she loves books and old classic movies as much as I do.  

And when she graduates from high school someday, I definitely have some good "Elsa Solos" to share with the class :)  

2015 Bookshelf: Ruth's Journey

One of the requirements for the dream book I'm going to write someday, you know, the one that will make my family independently wealthy :) is that it has an appealing cover. I want people to be instantly drawn in by the colors, the words, the images, so that they can't help but pick it up and start reading it for themselves.

Ruth's Journey by Donald McCaig was one of those books for me. I loved the drawing on the front, but even more so, I was caught when the cover said that this was "The Authorized Novel of Mammy from Gone With The Wind." I'm a huge Gone With the Wind fan, any author that can make you love and hate the main character at the same time is pretty impressive! Plus, the story took place over such a fascinating period of time. I loved all of the history woven through that novel! I was so excited for this authorized prequel to such an epic, lasting story.

And overall, I was satisfied. The story covered Ruth's life, from a young girl living in Saint-Dominque, to an old woman living as a mammy in Georgia. Through the story, you saw her character progress, and search for her own sense of identity. As a child, she was treated as Ruth, a member of the family and mammy to a tiny child. When she grew older she was Jehu's wife, with her own child, and then, through heartbreak, she became a mammy once again. Going back to the home she used to know, and watching generations of that family grow older. 

“I ain’t Mrs. Jehu Glen no more. I ain’t even Ruth. I’ze Mammy! .... That who I is!”

— p.208

Mammy searches for her identity in a confusing world. Life in Georgia is in upheaval, shortly before the Civil War. Everyone is questioning, changing, taking sides on what they believe. And Mammy is there, living her life, stating her opinions pretty noticeably, and trying her best to raise up children with "deportment." Is she always successful in this? No, but she's faithful. 

This story ends shortly after Gone With the Wind begins, and I have to admit that I now want to read that story once again. Perhaps that's a complement to a good book?

At the same time, I do have to leave you with a few warnings.  There's definitely drinking, immorality, and some love scenes. I wouldn't say these scenes are explicit in the least (and I'm very picky), but it would be my hesitation in recommending this book.

Interested in what I'm reading this year? Check out my Pinterest Board here. This was book 3 on my 2015 Bookshelf. Here's what I'm reading next. 

2015 Bookshelf: I Capture the Castle

This book, originally published in 1948, was a book that came highly recommended to me by other readers. I've seen it often in bookstores, and often wondered what it was like. I Capture the Castle was a book I loved in the beginning, hated in the middle, and then loved again by the end. How does one write a review of that?

The narrator, Cassandra, was compelling. I loved her descriptions of life lived in a dilapidated castle with her eccentric family. Those descriptions were probably my favorite part of the story. 

“How strange and beautiful it looked in the late afternoon light! I can still recapture that first glimpse—see the sheer grey stone walls and towers against the pale yellow sky, the reflected castle stretching towards us on the brimming moat, the floating patches of emerald-green water weed.... How well I remember that run through the stillness, the smell of wet stone and wet weeds as we crossed the bridge, the moment of excitement before we stepped in at the little door! Once through, we were in the cool dimness of the gatehouse passage. That was where I first felt the castle—it is the place where one is most conscious of the great weight of stone above and around one. ”

— p.28, 29

I felt the excitement, the air of mystery, of intrigue, of romance, in Cassandra living in such an old castle, filled with memories and stories inside the walls. The images, the smells, the sensations were so real, that I felt like I was experiencing it along with her. The castle was truly a main character in this story. The name of the book makes sense, for the character of Cassandra truly does "Capture the Castle" with her journaling skills. 

I was also quite impressed with the first person narrative. Sometimes first person narrative can come off as choppy, distracting, hard to follow. I never had this issue with this book though. It was believable. Much of the story was told through Cassandra's journal keeping, so you saw each moment through her eyes, as she would have experienced it. The writing style was easy to read and comfortable. I was actually sad to see her story end. 

For as much as I liked this story, there were some pretty major things that bothered me as well. Things I'd be lax not to mention to all of you.  Some of these were: references to sex, her step-mother posing nude, and the promotion of atheism throughout the novel. (She does question the existence of God, but nothing really comes from that mystic moment of revelation). Also, there's a pretty clear moment, early in the novel, when one of the characters prays to the demon gargoyle on the side of the castle. They joke about it being a demon or angel, and then later discuss that, maybe, this prayer to the devil worked in their favor. 

I could see this book being a great book for a college writing class. There are so many great examples of characterization, first person narrative, and scene descriptions. The author does an excellent job at all of these things. But, as I stated about, there are also some pretty big drawbacks, things I would definitely be cautionary of when recommending this book. If you're willing to take this book as a lesson, sifting through what you agree with and possibly disagree with, I say, go for it, and enjoy this book for what it is, a beautiful look at a bygone time in England. 

Interested in what I'm reading this year? Check out my Pinterest Board here. This was book 2 on my 2015 Bookshelf. Here's what I'm reading next. 

2015 Bookshelf: Bread & Wine Book Review

What I'm Reading 2015: Bread & Wine Book Review

Right around the New Year I decided to take part in a challenge.  I loved Modern Mrs. Darcy's idea of reading books in different categories. It sounded like a fun way to push myself to read more, to take those breaks, those "Megan" moments throughout the day. Maybe your like me, at homes with little ones, with next to zero time to yourself, or, you work long hours at a time, and honestly fall asleep on the couch if you try to read at night. I hear you, it's hard. But it's so refreshing. It's refreshing to take that 10 minute break in the middle of your afternoon, pour yourself a cup of coffee or tea, and feel renewed, refreshed, encouraged by an author. And so, I'm trying harder to do just that. I'm paying attention to those pockets of time I come across, an unexpected nap time for a little one, a (rare!) moment when the kiddos are playing peacefully together. Or even just dancing silly around the kitchen. I'm also setting aside a mid-afternoon "Reading Time." I sit on the couch, sip a drink, and read, while Ezra plays with his trains and Emma pages through books, looking at the pictures. It doesn't always work well, but I'm hoping it will get better, as my kiddos actually learn how to read themselves! I want to teach them, first of all, how important resting is for all of us, and, secondly, how important reading is! 

My first book of 2015 was Bread & Wine by Shauna Niequist. 

Shauna endeared herself to me immediately. She's a Midwest girl, who grew up within a few hours of my parent's home, and spent her summers in the same little beach town as us! (We've never met). It was fun reading about places that I've actually been to and enjoyed, totally happenstance, but fun! Her style is humorous, genuine, like she truly is just sitting across from you at the table and telling you about her life. She's honest with her struggles, frustrations, not always understanding the way God acts, but trying to be content through the process. The chapters in her book are little essays, anecdotes, moments from her life at home with a little one, dreaming and praying and crying out to God for another child. 

“I want to cultivate a deep sense of gratitude, of groundedness, of enough, even while I’m longing for something more. The longing and the gratitude, both. I’m practicing believing that God knows more than I know, that he sees what I can’t, that he’s weaving a future I can’t even imagine from where I sit this morning. Extraordinary indeed. More than enough.”

— Shauna Niequist, Bread & Wine, p. 59

I loved this quote. I struggle being home with little ones on somedays, of having so many other dreams, and with right now not being "enough." This balance she speaks up sums up things perfectly for me. Of letting today be "enough" even while longing for other things. Of living completely in the today blessings that God has given me, doing each chore, each task, with all of my heart, trusting that God has placed me here for a reason. 

Shauna's book is about fellowship, about inviting people into your home, your life, even if it is a little messy, a few cheerios here and there, and dust bunnies behind the couch. It's about trying new recipes, reaching out to people you don't know and allowing them to live life with you. It isn't about creating something spectacular, but it is about trying new things, being adventurous, inviting people into your imperfections. In one chapter, she writes about having a special birthday dinner for a friend. At that dinner, they say around, telling the birthday guy all the reasons they were thankful for him in their life. I love what she said next:

“The food was good that night. I loved being able to serve foods that were meaningful to Nathan, that represented his story and history, and we had a great meal together. But that night wasn’t about the food. The food and the table and the laughter helped to create sacred space, a place to give someone the gift of words. That’s what the night was about—sacred space and words of love. Well, that and fresh raspberry ice cream.”

— Shauna Niequist, Bread & Wine, p.177

Creating space. Space to invite people in, to encourage them, live this life with them. After reading Niequest's book, I was so encouraged to reach out and invite people into my space. Invite them to my table, be it for a cup of coffee, a playdate, or an evening of games around the table. Whatever works for our family in this time of our life. But inviting them in, instead of keeping them at a distance. Making that effort. Loving them. I think it's pretty great if you can say a book encouraged you that way! Food is an important thing. We all need it for nourishment, so way not use it to love others and invite them in? 

“Learn, little by little, meal by meal, to feed yourself and the people you love, because food is one of the ways we love each other, and the table is one of the most sacred places we gather.”

— Shauna Niequest, Bread & Wine, p.51

Interested in what I'm reading this year? Check out my Pinterest Board here. This was book 1 on my 2015 Bookshelf. Here's what I'm reading next. 

I received no compensation for this book review. I just wanted to share a book with you that I enjoyed. 

Things I'm Passionate About: Mocha Club

 This past year there has been an increased call on my heart to serve. To serve locally, and to serve world-wide. This book was part of that push. Attending The Influence Conference last September was also enlightening. The Influence Conference encouraged me to think about my own field of influence, and what I can do with the time and passions God has given me. This is a unique time in my life, with little ones at home, so I've been seeking out ways that I can love from where I am, right now, in the midst of cheerioes on the floor, toys being stepped on, dinner planning, little kid craziness. And so, I asked a question of myself. What am I passionate about? What do I want to focus those brief moments each week when I can actually sit down and write. 

And for me, one of those those answers was missions. I've always had a desire to serve those in need, especially orphans. And, quite honestly, I wonder if the possibility of adoption will enter our lives someday. Not now, no, I know that God hasn't opened our hearts to that possibility right now. But I wonder if, maybe someday it will be different? I want to go on and on about orphan care, but for now, I'll introduce you to my new favorite cause.

Enter Mocha Club.

Mocha Club is an organization that gives back to Africa, through the practical premise of giving up a few mochas every month and giving that money to help those in need instead. Mocha Club has five developmental areas they invest in: Clean Water, Education, Economic Freedom, Heathcare, and Orphan Care. I first heard about Mocha Club through The Influence Network, and was given the chance to listen and talk to these people in person last Fall. This is a cool organization, friends. 

Here's a short video to watch: "I need Africa more than Africa needs me." http://youtu.be/qsBeX3mPEhE.

If you'd like to find out more, and join in with me in supporting this program, follow the link below. I'd love to have you on my team!

https://members.themochaclub.org/joinme/Megan_Chaney

Mocha Club is in no way paying me to write this post, I just wanted to share them with you today. If you sign up, you and I will both get some fun freebies, but that's all :)

2015 Goals

I love the idea of starting 2015 with some goals. A game plan of what I want to accomplish in the next month, next six months, next year. I don't like the idea of unrealistic goals. Goals that will only make me feel bad about myself, goals that I would quickly abandon. Instead, I want it to be an encouragement, a way to look at this coming year with excitement and purpose, ready to work exactly where God has placed me, here and now. 

2015 Goals: 

1) Journaling: I want to journal more. Pen and paper. Prayers, dreams, ideas, thoughts, memories. I have an obsession with nice writing pens and cute little journals! 

2) Reading: Too many days have gone by without me even picking up a book for pleasure. Tis life with little ones, I suppose. But I really want to read more regularly. I love a little space in the afternoon for a cup of tea & a good book. I've been trying to set aside "Reading Time" each afternoon for Emma & I. It's a good breather when things are getting intense and we obviously both need a break. Plus, it makes me happy! I plan on joining in with this reading challenge. Here's my Pinterest board, with the books I'm thinking about. 

 2) Blogging: One longer, well-crafted blog post a week on different topics of interest. (This is definitely going to stretch and push DEPLOYED HEART in some different directions. I'm excited!). 

3) Brainstorming: One day of researching, brainstorming article ideas every week.

4) Submitting: One day of working on article submissions each week. (With one article submitted per month, between now & June. I'll reassess then, and possibly up this goal). 

5) Focusing On: In 2015, I'll be focusing on the words PEACE & BRAVE. There both things God has really placed on my heart. PEACE in my household, with my husband and children. PEACE, because there's no room for worry when PEACE enters in. BRAVE in my writing, in new directions God's taking me with my various gifts. BRAVE for what ever this year has in store for our family. 

And there you have it. These are my goals so far, with room for adjustments. What goals have you set for this year? Do you have any suggestions for my reading list? Feel free to share below. 

Advent 2014: The Shepherds React

Hello Friends! With the weekend coming up, I'm giving you a run-down of what we'll be reading today (Friday), Saturday, and Sunday. I'll be back on Monday with the last week of Advent. I'm so excited that we're getting this close! Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year. Cookie baking, Christmas shopping, and the music, oh how I love the music! But I also love this Advent tradition we've started with our little ones. Each night, we pause in our bedtime routine to read the verse(s). It's a moment to focus our hearts and minds, and remind all of us of the true meaning of Christmas. So far this Advent, we've looked at Old Testament prophesies that foretold the birth of Christ, and then read about angels coming to visit Mary, Joseph, and the shepherds. This weekend, we'll be looking at the response of those shepherds. Just what did they do with the good news they'd been given?

"They hurried off and found both Mary and Joseph, and the baby who was lying in the feeding trough" (Luke 2:16, HCSB). 

I love that it says that  hurried, they wanted to meet this child quickly! It shows that they believed that something was actually going on. That they believed that the Christ-child had actually arrived. Their Messiah. Their Savior, had been born. I'm sure that I would have done much the same. I would have run, as fast as I could, to see if what the angels had said was actually true! 

What the shepherds found was a tiny baby, newly born, probably a bit wrinkly and red in the face. He probably looked like a million other newborn babies. The scriptures don't really say that He was unique in His appearance. He was, well, normal. He wasn't their great military hero. Instead, He was small, innocent, dependent on His mother for nourishment and comfort.  He was wrapped in everyday wrags, not jewls and riches as a king should be. He we normal, and normal shepherds came to meet Him on that blessed night. 

---

On Saturday, we'll move onto to the next verse. It talks about the shepherds next reaction. Recall, when they first saw the angel, they were terrified. Then, after hearing the good next, they rushed to Bethlehem, to meet the Christ-child. Now, they've seen Him face to face:

"After seeing them, they reported the message they were told about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had seen and heard, just as they had been told"  (Luke 2:17-18, 20, HCSB). 

These shepherds had experienced something amazing. They didn't keep it to themselves, but, instead, when back and told their  story to others. Those that heard were amazed, but I wonder if they actually believed? Sight can be so deceiving. This small baby looked like any other, so small and weak and normal. His parents looked pretty normal too. Do you think anyone took this story to heart? Maybe, maybe not, but the shepherds were passionate about what they saw. They weren't afraid to share the Good News with everyone they knew! God knows that it takes a willing heart. He must have seen something in those shepherds, that told Him that these men would share what they'd seen. These men wouldn't bow down to political or peer pressure. They would speak out, even if most people didn't believe them. It says that they praised and glorified God. They knew that a miracle had taken place, and they wanted to share it. Oh how I want to live the same way, unabashedly sharing the Good News that has so rocked my life! My very reason for living, for breathing, for investing in and loving my friends and family! He came friends! God loved us so much that He sent His son. What a precious Christmas gift! 

---

Sunday will be a review day for us. We'll look back on what we've read in the Christmas story so far, and discuss how amazing the story of Jesus' birth is. I think it's a point that can't be hammered home with our little kids enough. We all love presents, we all love giving and receiving gifts. But the greatest gift of all is there for us to receive. It's Jesus. Jesus' gift to all of us is the very reason we celebrate Christmas. His love for us is the reason we love others, and shower them with love this Christmas season. We may even discuss how we could practically show that love together as a family in 2015. I'd love to get involved in some more local mission work. Find a way I can help, with little ones in tow. Sunday would be a great evening to discuss that, as we head toward Christmas day, and shortly after, the start of a brand new year!

Advent 2014: The Heavenly Hosts

"Suddenly there was a multitude of the heavenly host with the angel, praising God and saying: Glory to God in the highest heaven,and peace on earth to people He favors! When the angels had left them and returned to heaven, the shepherds said to one another, 'Let’s go straight to Bethlehem and see what has happened, which the Lord has made known to us'" (Luke 2:13-15, HCSB).

Can you imagine? How spectacular it would have been to have stood there that night. It was wonderous enough that an angel came to the shepherds and told them that the Messiah had come. But then, the heavens were filled with angels singing praises to God up above. You'll, it's a little taste of what heaven will be like! But then, it won't be just a moment of praise, but a lifetime. Death, sickness, sadness, neglect, they won't exisit anymore. We will be in the midst of an eternity with Jesus. We will hear that sounds of praise that the shepherds heard on that long ago night. We will feel the overwhelming presence of God, like never before. And, I'm sure, we will hit the ground, faces down, and worship Him with all that we are. As the old hymn goes "Oh what a day that will be!"

The Angel's Message

"But the angel said to them, 'Don't be afraid, for look, I proclaim to you good news of great joy that will be for all the people: Today a Savior, who is Messiah the Lord, was born to you in the city of David. This will be a sign for you: You will find the baby wrapped snugly in cloth and lying in a feeding trough" (Luke 2:10-12, HCSB).

It's pretty cool that God chose these shepherds to hear the Good News of the Messiah's birth. God must have seen something in their hearts, something that showed a willingness to move and act, a willingness to believe that the Messiah had finally come. They must have felt such confusion, but also, such excitement when they heard the angels' words! Being visited by an angel wasn't really an everyday occurrence then, or even now. It was unique, it demanded attention. Something important was happening. The long awaited Messiah had come. Not charging in on  royal steed, dressed in purple, ready to save the Israelites from their oppression, but as a tiny baby. A tiny baby born into a poor family, who had no place to lay in other than a manger. So small. So humble. So accessible to the shepherds out in the field. So approachable. So... exactly how God had planned.

The Shepherds

"In the same region, shepherds were staying out in the fields and keeping watch at night over their flock. Then an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified" (Luke 2:8-9, HCSB).

These were the first people God chose to announce Christ's birth to. Not the pharisees, not the shop keepers or tax collectors but poor shepherds, out in the middle of the night, protecting their sheep. They were the ones with the hearts God desired. God knew that their hearts would be moved, that their hearts would be changed by this event. He knew that they would rush to see the the tiny Messiah in His manger, and then tell everyone they meant the Good News! Perhaps someone richer, someone better off, wouldn't have been believable. By picking someone poor, they would be able to access everyone, and tell them their amazing experience. 

It's hard to imagine just what it was like, standing in the fields outside of Bethlehem on that night, seeing an angel appear before them. I'm sure it was overwhelming, moving, life-changing. Just thinking about it brings tears to my own eyes. How spectacular, to exeprience the presence of The Lord like that! How emotional, how dumstruck they would have been. The scriptures say that they were terrified when they saw the angel. This was no chubby cheriub in front of them, but something... Awesome. 

That moment, in the fields, must have changed everything for those shepherds. Or at least I hope it did. I hope they believed that Jesus actually was the Messiah, and didn't just brush off the encounter with the angels and their visit with a tiny baby as a strange dream. I hope the rest of their lives were changed because of that evening, when they saw the angels fill the skies, and were overwhelmed by the presence of God. 

Have you ever, overwhelmingly known that God was near, that He did care for you, the burdens of your life, and that He was in control? I've never had an angel encounter, I've never been surrounded by God's presence quite like those shephereds were, but I've had some comforting moments of peace, of assurence that I'm really ok, that God is in control of it all. I can look back at some times in my life, and see how God was putting the pieces together, see how He really was working for my good. I've felt His peace that passes all understanding during some of my roughest trials.   His presence is real, friends. And we can all experience it, if we surrender all the craziness to Him, and admit that we can't do this life on our own. Have you ever experienced God's peace?

He came

"While they were there, the time came for her to give birth. Then she gave birth to her firstborn Son, and she wrapped Him snugly in cloth and laid Him in a feeding trough—because there was no room for them at the lodging place" (Luke 2:6-7, HCSB).

He came into the world so unassumingly. He was born, not in a palace, but a stable where smelly animals were kept. His first bed was not a cushy pillow, but a feednig trough, where animals stuck their drooly snouts to eat. 

There were some who came to worship him, but for the most part, He came into the world without much notice. The Angels would proclaim his birth, but most people just went about their everyday life, distracted by the census, the overcrowded city, and feeding and sheltering their own families. They didn't recognize what they were missing. 

They didn't realize that something pretty amazing had just taken place. 

As a mother of two, there are many things I wonder about the birth. How painful was it? How long did it last? Did she truly just have Joseph by herside during the delivery? They were both new to this, Joseph, especially wouldn't have known anything about childbirth. 

I'm fortunate to have delivered my babies in a comfortable space, surrounded by professionals, but Mary, she delivered in a stable, surrounded by animals and dirty floors and probably some less than desired smells. A less than ideal birthing environment.

But it was God's plan. 

The everyday. The unexpected. The less than perfect.  

God had come to commune with humanity, to experience life in a human body.  

God had come to show the full extent of His love. 

God had come to save us from our sins.