I'm having trouble letting go. Admitting that E isn't a tiny baby anymore. A friend suggested a Mom's Morning Out program to me several months ago. My brain has been filled with every reason that I shouldn't do it. I'm honestly scared to give her up for several hours each week. Eight hours, to be exact. But who knows. Who knows how God might be moving through this situation. It would certainly give us both a breather. Both a chance to regroup. I could run errands with one kiddo instead of two, and probably find some hours to sit in a coffee shop as well. And she would be learning, growing, interacting. Forming friendships. Growing up. I worry about her sitting in classroom, having to pay attention to a teacher, using the potty when she needs to. But perhaps, it's exactly what she needs.
It's crazy that I'm afraid about such a thing. But human. Natural. Often the way a mommy thinks. Who wants to let their little one go? For so long, they're our world. We often put dreams on the back burner to take care of these little fireballs. We watch wake up at all hours of the night to feed them, chase after them through grocery stores, keep harmful things out of their way. No wonder it's hard to start letting go. To admit that we've never really been in control.
Didn't He create this very child? Psalm 139 tells us that He knew E before she even began. He, alone, knows the number of hairs upon her head. She is His precious creation. Is He not able to take care of her, today and everyday?
All I do know is that the past 3 years have passed far to quickly for my liking. I can't imagine what the next 15 will feel like. I'm sure they'll go by faster than I want them too. I will have far more letting go to do.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peach of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7, ESV).
Dear Lord, guard my heart and mind today. Help me to not be much afraid, but to instead trust you with every aspect of this life you've given me. And do the same with my friends as well. Grant them peace and assurance that You are in control of all things.