I sit in a coffee shop this morning, devoured pastry and slowly sipped tea sitting nearby, aware that this is the last time I'll be here for quite awhile. I'm sad about that. I love these times, Ezra taking his morning nap in the stroller next to me, big sister at preschool for the morning. I'm aware that, come Autumn, little man will be that much older. He might not take his nap so readily, and, strange thought, he won't be riding in his infant car seat any more.
Time is passing so quickly. It baffles me that I'm planning a birthday cake for this weekend! How can he be one? How can summer be here again? Not too long ago I was longing for summer, waiting in anticipation for the days when we could once again live outside. Our days seem so much more full when we can all get outside, run off steam, soak up some Vitamin D. And now that it's finally here, I'm sad. Sad at how quickly time passes. Sad that my morning coffee shop time will be put on hold for a few months.
And then there's the anxiety. Anxiety about the extra hours this summer will hold, without preschool or Ladies Bible study (also on break for the summer). Anxiety about managing two kiddos, one on the cusp of toddler hood, the other still in the midst of the crazy 3's. If I let it, such anxiety will take over. If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you know that worry is a topic I cover frequently. Why? Because it's a constant/daily battle for me. It's something I have to give over to Jesus often.
I think it helps that I'm aware of it, though. Because of this, I'm able to give it over to Jesus immediately, and replace it with truth. Truth about His love for me, truth of this beautiful live He's given me to live.
And what a beautiful life it is.
We're building memories right now, memories that I will treasure up in my heart for always. Don't blink, they say, it goes by faster than you think. And how right they are. How is my daughter almost four? She's so very independent, she even helped me vacuum after dinner last night. She dresses herself, uses the potty, brushes her own teeth and hair. She even gets cups of water for herself and her brother. So independent, almost so grown up. This summer will hold so many first for our little man as well. First real steps, first lists of words, more teeth, first time running across the grass in bare feet. First cake and ice cream. I'm so excited to get to know his personality more. We see hints of it in his baby face now, hints of what he'll be like, but I'm sure he'll only continue to grow into himself throughout these summer months. Life, life can hurt in its changes, but it can be beautiful as well.
So, with a grateful heart, I look into the summer months to come.
I do wonder what great lessons Jesus has in store for us. I'm sure there's some important lessons in parenting and life to learn. But for now, I sign off, as I go home for my last few hours on Emma's last day of 3 year old preschool. And then, I'll pick up my girl with a smile on my face. Because, for all of our hard, tantrum filled days, I love her with such a deep love. Can anyone even describe the love of a mother?
What plans do you have in store for this summer? May it be filled with sunshine, popsicles, evening walks, and laughter, plenty of laughter.