Little girl is down for her nap, baby boy is playing in his musical gym, and I am taking a few minutes to sip on a cup of (decaf) coffee and write a few words down. At 7 weeks the world is a fascinating place to my baby boy. Lights, bright objects, music, ceiling fans.... I love watching him "wake up" to life. For the few months he pretty much just ate and slept, now he's having more awake time each day. With this awake time has come a lot more fussiness, but also fast kicks, wide beautiful blue eyes, and the beginning of some smiles. Days are still rather long, sleep a bit sparse, but the memories we're continuing to build will be beautiful ones. As for his sister, she's slowly adjusting to our new reality. Mama feeding the baby isn't quite so strange, his diapers and cries are only an excuse for her to be a helper, fetching things, rocking his bouncy seat (I have to keep a close eye on her!). And her tantrums are happening a little less frequently (for which I'm thankful!).
I read a few great blog posts this morning. This one and this one and one more that I can't find, oops! At 7 weeks postpartum I seem to expect something of myself. I have this mental image of what I should be accomplishing each day, and I get so frustrated when that isn't accomplished. I let the world around me dictate my attitude. I crumble when things don't go as planned.
But I'm learning. I'm learning to let go. I'm learning to smile. I'm learning to laugh when a perfectly planned outing goes slightly awry. Because memories are made up of imperfect moments. In fact, I think the imperfect moments make some of the greatest memories. Messes making cookies, unexpected road trip detours, first camping trips with little ones, a mammoth toddler meltdown that ended up giving us upgraded seats... my perfectionist brain lies to me and says that life needs to be perfect, but it never really can be. We are an imperfect people living in an imperfect world. God is the only one that can claim perfection.
Today, I, once again, need to give myself a break. Let the house be a little more cluttered. Accept that some tasks weren't completed this morning. Relax. Enjoy this gift of quiet time that I'm getting. Listen for Jesus to speak to me. Think about how I can, realistically, encourage those around me. Because life is still full of adjustments right now. I would love to do so much, and be involved in so much, but it's hard with a newborn. And so, my heart heart rests. My hands raise up. And I give Jesus the expectations for today.
"Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you" (1 Peter 5:7, HCSB).