Earlier this week, hubby, Little E & I returned from a whirl-wind road trip. We returned to Hubby's hometown for a wedding reception. It took us 24 hours to get there (with some long stops thrown in). Little E did remarkably well. She was antsy at times, but for the most part she just slept or played with her toys in the backseat. I made sure to have snacks on hand, and a bin full of different things to keep her attention.
It hurts my heart just thinking about the distance between our home and our family. Taking a drive like this only makes the miles that much clearer. We truly live half a country away.
In my dreams our entire family lives in the same town, where we can visit, swap recipes and meet up for Sunday dinner. I think it pains our family that Little E clearly doesn't know them, she has to be reintroduced on each visit. I know that, as she gets older, she will remember her grandparents, aunts & uncles & cousins, but for now, each reunion is tough.
At the same time, trips home are always special. We cherish every moment, because we really do realize how brief and fleeting those times will be.
In my husband's family you're always offered a cup of coffee when you walk through the door, plans are always last minute, and evenings are spent around the dinning table, playing games, eating yummy foods, and laughing late into the night.
After a week of fun, coming home was a bit hard. The drive felt twice as long as it did there, because we weren't meeting anyone at the end of the road.
Sometimes, I look at pictures of my friends, surrounded by family, and I start to feel jealous, why do they get to live out their every day near family, while mine is so far away? Why do they get to experience milestones together, that we often miss?
But I know that jealously isn't the right response. We all have times of loneliness, all have daily struggles in this imperfect world.
Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy...
1 Corinthians 13 rings in my ears.
These attributes of love are words I want to live by. Yet, time and again, I fall up short. I start to become impatient. I want things I see around me, instead of being content in the life God has given me. The spiral is so quick that, before I know it, ugly thoughts, thoughts that can't be of God, come rising up.
And so, I speak truths over them.
I remind myself of everything loving and beautiful in my life.
God has truly blessed us in this military life. He's blessed with a home, a family, and people to love, both close and at a distance.
When I focus on the love, there's no more room for the jealousy.