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On Sunday, my pastor spoke about distractions in our lives, and how they minimize the amount of time we spend with God. He listed common excuses we make and things like televisions and computers that hog our time.

Now, I’ll be the first to say that I have some pretty valid reasons for not spending much time in the word. I’m, in essence, a single parent right now, with an entire household on my shoulders. My little girl naps for one maybe two hours a day, and I’m usually exhausted by the time she goes to bed at night. I would say that that, in itself, is a pretty good excuse as to why, most evenings, I veg in front of the television until bedtime.

But I have a confession to make.

Tiredness isn’t the core reason that I watch so much television.

No, it’s loneliness.

By spending countless hours in front of the tube, I don’t have to think about how quiet and clean the house is at 7pm. I don’t have to think about all the scary dark corners, the monster of a heater, and the daunting responsibilities that will greet me in the morning. No, instead I can sink into a fantasy world, and watch someone else live their life for a few hours each night. Or, I can get sucked into on of my favorite reality shows, and watch them hash it out to the victorious end. But what am I really gaining from all of this television watching? What am I learning, in the end?

Am I seeking comfort in entertainment, instead of in my God?

Please note, this is my personal journey, I am in no way criticizing your own tv watching.

And so, I made a decision this week. I decision, that, I’m already trying to talk myself out of. No, I’m not cutting the tv completely out of my life. I honestly enjoy watching it some evenings. But I am cutting a specific reality show out. One that takes up 4 hours of my life each week. In the place of that show, I plan to redirect my time towards writing, towards reading, towards prayer and relaxation. Instead of numbing the pain, I’m going to face it. And that honestly scares me a bit. But I want to put good things in my head and heart. That’s the goal here. Am I doing the right thing? I hope so.

As Psalm 62:6 says,  “He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.”