Sustaining Leaves

“He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.”

— Psalm 1:3

Let's be realistic here: leaves wither. It's part of the natural process. The changing of seasons. One of my favorite times of year is Spring, watching new life begin, watching the beautiful trees bloom out in frothy whiteness, watching bright new green leaves being formed. But those leaves are only formed because the leaves of the last season withered up and died. That process is beautiful. The transformation each year is beautiful. I've heard sermons comparing the changes of live to the changing seasons. But Psalm 1 is striking a different note. In this case, as believers, we will never wither. We'll never fade away. We will remain vibrant and strong, not of our own accord, but because God is the one reinforcing us, God is the one reinforcing our roots, nourishing us, sustaining us through good time and bad. 

In Hebrew, the word wither is nabel. Nabel means to sink or drop down, to wither and fall, to droop, to fade. 

There are certainly times in this life, seasons that feel like we're withering away. Seasons where we wonder about joy, about peace. 

But my friends, can I whisper to your heart, and mine, today?

This verse has nothing to do with outward peace, outward happiness. This world, the things of this world, the people of this world, will never fulfill us. There will always be things that come up short, sadness, hurt, grief, loneliness will always find us. No, this verse doesn't have anything to do with the outer-world, and everything to do with our hearts.

Because here, in this verse, God has promised to keep us. 

He's promised to hold our hearts close to Him.

He's promised to be our refuge in all things.

He's promised that, even though this outer world may get messy, our hearts will always be sustained by Him.

No, this verse doesn't promise that we won't ever come head to head with the messiness of this life. 

This verse promises that He will keep our hearts. 

Psalm 90:14-15 has been on my heart a lot lately. I've been longing to be satisfied by Him alone. To seek out joy that only comes from Him, even when the rest of life swirls in chaos around me. I've been wondering what that looks like. What that feels like to live in His joy and peace. In His promise that He has me secure in His arms. That my leaves won't wither. That true satisfaction and joy can only be found in Him. This is, truly, a beautiful prayer to repeat as you start each morning:

“Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, and for as many years as we have seen evil.”

— Psalm 90:14-15, ESV

Satisfy us, dear Lord. Sustain us. Remind us that we are nothing without you. Because of you, we have the promise that our leaves won't wither. Because of you, we have eternity. It's so easy to get stuck on what I do or don't have in this world, on how my life may or may not measure up at the moment. Help me to focus on you instead. To focus on the very life you've given me for this specific time and season. And Lord Jesus, please fill it with abundant joy today. Because on my own, I like to see the cynical, the things that don't measure up. Help me to see with your eyes instead. Help me to show love and patiences where needed. Help me to find true satisfaction and joy that can only be found in you. 

I'll leave you all with one more portion of scripture today. It came to mind as I was writing out these verses above. This world, and everything in is, is truly withering away. It's our inner self that's eternal: 

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

— 2 Corinthians 4:16-18, ESV

2016 Reading Challenge

Hi friends! I don't know about you, but I easily get overwhelmed by the amount of books on my to-do list. Last year I joined Modern Mrs. Darcy for her reading challenge. This year, I'm joining in as well. I started with her topics, but added a few of my own. As you can see, I still need a few suggestions for some different categories, so chime in if you have any must reads for me! Also, become my friend on Goodreads! I plan on keeping track of my books on there this year, as well as my special Pinterest board. Here's to a great year of reading!

A Book Published This Year: The Summer Before The War- Helen Simonsen

If I Run-Terri Blackstock 

Where Hope Prevails by Janette Oke & Laurel Oke Logan

Cold Shot- Dani Pettrey 

A Book You Can Finish In A Day: Mrs. Roosevelt's Confidante- Susan Elia MacNeal

A Book You've Been Meaning to Read: Through the Gates of Splendor- Elizabeth Elliot

A Book Recommended by Your Local Librarian or Bookseller:

A Book You Should Have Read in School: Night-Eli Wiesel

A Book Chosen For You By Your Spouse, Partner, Sibling, Child, or BFF: Surprised by Joy: The Shape of My Early Life- C.S. Lewis  (Chosen by my husband)

A Book Published Before You Were Born: The Complete Pat of Silverbush & Mistress Pat-L.M. Montgomery

A Book That Was Banned at Some Point- The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn- Mark Twain

A Book You Previously Abandoned: Wives & Daughters by Elizabeth Gaskell

A Book That Intimidates You: 

A Book You've Already Read at Least Once: A Tangled Web by L.M. Montgomery

A Biography: A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael by Elisabeth Elliot, Clementine: The Life of Mrs. Winston Churchill- by Sonia Purnell

A Book Recommended by a Friend: The Pioneer Woman: Black Heels to Tractor Wheels by Ree Drummond.

A Book I Want to Read on Audible: The Bronte Plot- by Katherine Reay

Books I've already completed this year:

Jane of Lantern Hill- L.M. Montgomery

Silenced &  Sabotaged by Dani Pettrey 

The Prime Minister's Secret Agent- Susan Elia MacNeal

The Girl Who Chased The Moon- Sarah Addison Allen

The Nightingale- Kristin Hannah (Check out Goodreads for my review)

Jehovah-Jireh

“He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does he prospers.”

— Psalm 1:3, ESV

This tree that we're compared to in Psalm 1:3, it's not just any old tree. No, it's a tree created and nourished by God! It's a tree, not planted in a desert, but right next to a stream of water. Water that, day in and day out, gives nutrients to the roots, keeps it healthy and growing strong.

God is the one who nourishes and strengthens us. God is the one who always has and always will provide for us. I look at some loved ones in my life, and I honestly don't see the answer. To them, there walk with God may seem really dry at the moment. They don't see the water. They don't see the needed answers. To them, the prayers continue to go unanswered, prayers that they've uttered year, after year, after year. Even I, at times, am tempted to stop praying, just because I haven't seen any results. Or at least haven't seen the results yet.

In the Old Testament God is referred to as Jehovah-Jireh. (see Genesis 22:14). 

God our provider.

He provides. He gives us what we need for each day. He pushes the water into our system, and answers each request in His perfect timing. It's not an easy thing to understand. It's not an easy thing to trust.

Water is needed so that fruit can grow, not just temporary fruit, as in a normal tree, but lasting fruit. Psalm 1:3 says that this tree "yields its fruit in its season." The fruit looks so different for each an everyone one of us. We all have unanswered prayers, dreams, things we would like to come to pass. It's frustrating when those dreams don't come to fruition, even though we prayed and felt confident that the answer was a yes. It's frustrating when we find ourselves in a long season of waiting. Somethings are an easy yes or no, we complete a season, close a door, and walk into the next. But sometimes, we pray year after year and the answer doesn't come. We wait, oh so slowly for the lasting fruit to form. But still it doesn't come, or it comes quite different than we expected it to. I feel it in my own life. I see it in the lives of those I love. I don't have the answers. 

And so I continue to pray. Beseech. Thank the Lord that He is Jehovah-Jireh.  Our Provider. As the song goes, "Jehovah-Jireh, Our Provider, His Grace Is Sufficient For Me." I pray for my dear ones, that they would be encouraged and strengthened through the hard times. I pray that God would be alive in their lives, and that they would see Him move in amazing ways. I pray, and say with confidence that He will provide!

His grace is sufficient.

Yes, it is.

Today, and everyday. 

Deep Roots

View fullsize

“He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does he prospers”

— Psalm 1:3, ESV

Last week I shared that my word of the year is PLANTED. We were studying Psalm 1 in our Ladies Bible Study at church, and the beautiful promise of verse 3, in particular, stuck with me. In a season of a lot of change, it's so comforting to be reminded that Jesus will always be there, through each move, each life-change. He stays the same, even when everything else change. Why? Because I'm firmly planted with Him as the foundation. Much like the tree, my roots run deep. It's, honestly, a continual process. It's learning, growing, changing, becoming more like Jesus each and every day. But it's so nice being reminded that, even when our earthly address changes, Jesus remains the same! He will follow us wherever we go. He knows the past, the present, and the future. He already has all the pieces of the puzzle figured out. 

In Psalm 1, we're compared a tree, planted by streams of water. This tree is alive, bearing fruit, being fed by the nearby stream. It doesn't die, but instead thrives! Its roots run deep, hold it in place, bring life giving nutrients up inside of it.

So what do deep roots look like in my own life?

I see myself as a tree that's still slowly growing. Still slowly learning how to dig my roots down deeper. Still learning to fill my life with good, life-giving things.

Such as?

Fellowship: spending time with my church family, being in Bible study with other ladies that can encourage me, lift me up in prayer, love on my children, live life with me.

Devotional Life: reading God's word, writing in the margins of my Bible, look up the meaning of words, taking what I read to heart.

Worship: singing praise song's as I go about my day, using them as a way to pray aloud to my Savior, asking Him to meet me in whatever mood I'm in, whatever struggles I may be facing that day. 

Prayer: Worship time is also prayer time for me. I've also been encouraged to spend more intentional time praying. Praying for my own needs, for the needs of others, even praying through the scriptures I read in my morning quiet time. This is definitely still an area that needs much growth in in my life. But I want to grow! I want be more intentional in this. 

All of these areas are slowly building roots in my life, slowly growing my faith in Jesus. It's a continual process, isn't it? It's often a check and balance, seeing an area that needs to be worked on, pruning off what doesn't belong, and growing good roots even deeper, even farther into the foundation, Jesus. 

The tree, it's a fascinating image. There's still so much more to be gleaned by it.

What comes to mind when you think of the image of the tree in Psalm 1:3? What do you think it means to be planted? 

Hello 2016!

I love the idea of picking a word for the year. Last year, I had two words. PEACE & BRAVE. Peace in my family, in the way we interacted, in whatever we might face during that year. And Brave. Brave in my writing, as I branched out and shared some very personal stories with the world. Brave as I tried new things. The word Brave was in a frame on my wall as a constant reminder to expand, try new things. And PEACE, the word peace came back around this past November and December. I wrote about it often and prayed that God's peace would be present during a really hard season in our lives. And it was. It's amazing how a word comes back around like that. PEACE began the year, and PEACE ended that same year. The PEACE at the beginning of the year had more to do with my relationship with my daughter. At four, we were having a rough time. She has blossomed and changed so much since then. Or maybe it's I who have grown and changed in the way I relate to her. Either way, I've seen such beauty this past year. At the end of the year, we faced health issues with a family member. Our world was stressful (honestly, still is), Christmas was wrought with hospital visits, financial decisions, and long, sleepless nights. But even there, peace resided. And now, we're starting to see some answers. Starting to see some glimmers of hope.

And so the question still remains, what is my 2016 word?

As I look ahead at this year, I know that there will be a lot of change. Just as things are getting easier with my daughter, my son is coming to an age where he's fighting back, asserting his independence, getting into his share of mischief and trouble. Those 2s, 3s,4s are upon us once again! 

This will be a year of moving. Once again we're pick up roots and plant ourselves in the next place the Air Force calls us to. I'm excited about this move. It will take us closer to family, and give us amazing new experiences as a family. I'm also sad, because I've loved our time here, the friends we've made here, and our church family most of all. This move will also be hard on my kiddos. My daughter doesn't really remember our last move. But this one, she will. I'm sure they'll both miss their friends. It will be exciting, yes, but also hard.

FRIENDSHIP GOALS: As I look toward our big move this year, I'm already praying for friendships. Friendships for my children, but also friendships for my husband and I. Kindred spirits. People to share life with, have over for game nights, trade babysitting for date nights. The Lord has always provided just the right friends for us in each place we've lived. These friendships often took different forms than I expected, but they filled a gap, a much needed place. And I know He will continue to do so. And so, I pray over the relationships up ahead. Because He already has the people in mind, even though we haven't even met yet. A pretty cool thought, isn't it?

WRITING GOALS: I'd really like to write more consistently. I'm always a mommy first, which greatly inhibits the amount of time I can pour into this. But I also don't want to be held back by fear. The lies that my brain has been telling me about not being enough, not even bothering because I don't have much time to devote to it. I'd love to keep pursuing new avenues. New directions for my writing. I started working on a fiction story last year, it's something I'd like to keep working on this year. Also, studying up on travel writing. And still spending time with, my heart, devotional writing. My heart will always be sharing my own brokenness, and how God works through the pieces. My goal in my writing this year would be clarity and focus. I honestly don't feel like I have the focus that I used to. I've grown accustomed to jumping around, doing a million things at once as a wife and mommy. I need to work on the art of focusing. Of creating a space where I can think, pray, and write.

READING GOALS: I read quite a bit last year, which was so nice! The kids and I are at the library almost weekly now. I love encouraging them in this, and I also love the relaxation that reading brings in my own life. It's wonderful. I participated in Modern Mrs. Darcy's Reading Challenge last year. I finished it in just over 6 months.  I also starting listening to audio books through Audible.com. I plan on keeping up with both this year! And continuing to review books on this blog :) More info on both will follow in future blog posts :) 

QUIET TIME GOALS:  I'm almost through with my 2015 Bible in a Year plan. I'm finishing up a few loose ends (Nehemiah, Esther & Acts). At the same time, I'm starting my first journaling Bible, I'm mostly just writing notes in it at this point, but some ladies out there are doing some pretty amazing things with their journaling Bibles (check out Shanna Noel: illustratedfaith. I really wanted to journal more this past year during that time, and didn't, so I'm thinking this new journaling Bible will help! I'd like to stay consistent in my devotional life this year, keep up the journaling, and spend more time in prayer. 

And now it's time for my word of the year!

WORD OF THE YEAR: 

“He is like a tree planted beside streams of water
that bears its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.”

— Psalm 1:3, HCSB

PLANTED. The very opposite of how I feel. This military life leaves my family feeling so transient, so temporary. I see it even in the words I wrote above. This year will have so much change for our family. Another big move. New friendships, new schools, new church, new house. It will also be a big year of change for our extended family. We're still neck high in medical issues, and everything that entails. There are a lot of unanswered questions about the future. We just don't know. Life holds so much uncertainty. Only God knows the true number of our days.

That's why it's so important to remember that we're planted. We're planted firmly in His kingdom. He knows the root system. He's giving us the nutrients we need for each day. He is our true provider. We can't move anywhere or do anything that He doesn't already know about. 

“Where can I go to escape Your Spirit?
Where can I flee from Your presence?
If I go up to heaven, You are there;
if I make my bed in Sheol, You are there.
If I live at the eastern horizon
or settle at the western limits,
even there Your hand will lead me;
Your right hand will hold on to me.”

— Psalm 139:7-10, HCSB

He will follow us as we PCS and start over in a new place. In fact, He's already gone before us. Every day for our family has already been written out to completion. We are firmly planted, firmly rooted in Him, so really really have nothing to fear. There's so much else to take from this word, PLANTED. So much more for me to think about, pray about, write about on here. I hope you'll join me this year as I explore all the possibilities, meet all the challenges, see what God has to teach me through it all. 

What word for this year does God have on your heart? 

The Prince of Peace

“For a child will be born for us,
a son will be given to us,
and the government will be on His shoulders.
He will be named
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Eternal Father, Prince of Peace.”

— Isaiah 9:6, HCSB

He's called the Prince of Peace. When He came into this world 2000 years ago, many expected a political hero, a powerful man who would ride in on a handsome stead and physically save them from the rule of the Romans and return the land of Israel to what it had been.

But He didn't come that way. No, instead, He came quietly, innocently, as a poor babe born in a manger. It's what we celebrate this time of year, that babe being born in a manger. We remember the great gift that was given to us on that night. 

No, He didn't come as a great political hero, He came for a much greater purpose. A purpose that would be realized years later, when He died on the cross of all of our sins. Peace? He didn't bring political peace 2000 years ago. In fact, to this day the world is still in upheavel. Kingdoms and countries still rise and fall. People still make terrible decisions with large ramifications, resulting in pain, hurt, and changed lives.

We don't live in a world at peace.

In my own family, we're feeling the pain of sickness, suffering, and confusion right now.

A world of peace?

Not really.

But Jesus came to give us so much more.

He's called the Prince of Peace for a reason.

He came to give us a peace that would never end.

A peace that isn't seen in the world around us.

A peace that comes from within.

A peace in knowing that our eternity is set with Him.

By coming in the form of a child, growing as a sinless man, dying on the cross, and rising again, He did something no one else could do. He took all of the sin, all of the brokenness of this world, and He paid the price for it all. He covered the gaps. He made us whole. When we accept His precious gift, we're given eternity with Him. An eternity of peace. An eternity, where the unheaval of this life will no longer exist. Where the pain, the suffering, the grief will all be wiped away. Those things will no longer be remembered. And in their place will be peace.

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
Death will no longer exist;
grief, crying, and pain will exist no longer,
because the previous things have passed away.”

— Revelation 21:4, HCSB

We read this verse in Revelation at church last Wednesday, and the words rang so true for me. Oh how I long for eternity with Him! Oh how I long to no longer have pain, tears, or suffering. 

He is the Prince of Peace, because he's the only one who could pay the price for such peace.

Amen? Amen!

Peace

All is calm, all is bright, the old nativity song goes.

But my world feels less than calm right now.  

My head, and heart ache from the stressors in my life. 

My heart aches for a world that has felt anything but calm as of late. For families uprooted, lives changed in an instant. 

My heart aches for families separated by wars this Christmas. For loved ones who won't meet under the tree. I've been there, my heart whispers.

It's not hard to remember the pain, the loneliness of that season.

And this season now, is full of heartache as well.

Heartache, and unanswered questions.

Medical questions, housing questions, job questions for those I love.

This grow-up life doesn't always leave much room for peace.

The worries and anxieties of this world lay heavy upon my life.

Until.

Until the music begins to play. 

I'm reminded of my dining table, still scattered with art supplies. 

Little toy trucks and trains cluttered on the floor.

Laughter as little ones dance to the music, asking me to join in.

Silly hours spent playing, pretending.

The awe of Christmas lights, and the wonder in a child's small voice.

These are the things I hold most dear.

These two little ones remind me to keep my focus on the here and now. To keep my focus on the beautiful children He's given me to raise.

This morning, the mess of our house was getting to me. I was anxious, restless, annoyed. Anything but at peace.

But really, I want to cherish the mess. The chaoes. These years when I rarely have a moment alone. Becaues I know these days will pass quicker than I want them to. This house? Will one day be back in order. But right now. Right now, it's living and breathing with the lives inside. Each mess tells a story of time spent, memories made, characters being formed. 

So often, they breathe Jesus to me. They remind me to stay on my knees in prayer.

Yes, they exasperate and frustrate me, but their love, their love reminds me to love. Their love reminds me to seek peace. Peace, not in this world, because there's a lack of it there. But peace up above.

Peace, in a Savior, who long ago came into this world and saved us from ourselves.

There's really nothing without Him, is there?

And so, today, and everyday, I leave all the burdens of this world at His feat.

Peace on Earth?

Yes, but only in the name of Jesus.

Peace when life is anything but?

Yes. Peace, that can only come from within.

Peace, is my prayer for this year, when my heart feels so heavy. 

Peace, when I deal with my children.

Peace, as we go about each day.

Peace, when the answers for loved ones isn't easy to come by.

Peace, in all hearts during this Christmas season.

Peace.

A Lesson from my daughter

I wrote this a month or so ago, but still felt that it was worth sharing here. Our children are amazing teachers! I hope you enjoy. 

Friday morning was a busy one in our house. School has been in session for over a month, but it still feels like we're searching for our sense of routine. Getting accustomed to this foreign concept of Preschool for my son and Kindergarten for my Daughter. Packing school lunches five days a week. Keeping track of homework assignments, sight words, special dress days and show and tell. Friday was school picture day, so I was also making sure that my daughter's outfit coordinated, and wouldn't horribly clash with the fake Fall flowers they always like to put in the corner of the photos. That, and somehow tame her wild hair. We drove up to school, almost late because we always wake up so early (why is that?). Pretty orange dress, check, dress shoes, check, lunch, check, show and tell, oh wait... I forgot her show and tell. In a class of seven students, it would be obvious too.

I felt horrible. I'd already failed in my mommy-organization skills, and this only a month into the school year. I expressed my frustration, apologizing to my daughter, to which she replied:

"Mommy, it's really ok"

Wait, what?

My daughter looked calmly at me from her place in the back seat and assured me that others have forgotten before. It really wasn't a big deal.

She wasn't concerned, while me, with my perfectionist issues, felt awful.

What am I teaching my daughter about worry?

About perfectionism?

Remembering assignments, things required of her is important. But she was right too, forgetting show and tell in the first month of kindergarten was forgivable.

What if instead I had just suggested that she "Tell" something to her class, such as her favorite knock-knock joke, instead of making a big deal out of it?

What crazy perfectionist tendencies am I passing on to her?

Will she grow up thinking that perfection is the only answer through her school days?

Will she think that only a perfect house, a perfect room, perfect manners will do?

Is that really the message I want to send her?

Or instead, do I want to teach her about peace?

Peace, like she displayed to me.

Calm trouble shooting on the days when things don't work out right.

The ability to let go sometimes, and just enjoy the people around me.

If I look back to my school days, the only thing I wish I did more of was enjoy my friends. Less time on school work, more time just enjoying those I cared about.

Because 13 years out, no one cares what grades I got in high school. It's been ages since anyone asked.

Yes, diligence, studying hard will get you far. Good grades helped me get into college, and then grad school. It was important.

But relationships were important too. That was a lesson I learned through my college years.

It's ok to not be perfect. To instead take those moments of critique, of imperfection, and ask, "How can I grow from this?" How can we resolve this problem, without worrying or stressing out? What can I learn from this?

In my daughters calm demeanor, I was reminded, that often, an easy answer is in sight. It doesn't take stressing and worrying to figure things out. Sometimes, it just takes a moment of prayer. A moment of quiet. A moment to view things from a different perspective.

Aren't children amazing teachers?

Fear Not: A Guest Post over at The Mudroom Blog

I sat there, sipping my mocha, while our daughter rolled a ball across the floor, back and forth, and periodically tried to escape from the little corner where we had planted ourselves in, waiting for them to call the flight. I took a picture or two of father and daughter, grinning, holding each other close. And then, before I was ready for it, he was hugging me one last time, and getting into line to board his flight — the flight that would take him, first to training, and then to the other side of the globe, to fight for freedom and safety.

He stepped onto the jetway, and I turned toward the exit, holding back tears as my daughter toddled along beside me, totally oblivious to what had just happened. In a daze I walked back outside, strapped my daughter in her seat, and then drove across town before the tears finally hit.

He was gone.

Today I'm guest posting over at The Mudroom Blog. Come on over and read more about our first deployment and how God worked on my heart through that season of fear. 

Hop on over to The Mudroom Blog here: 

When Your Child Becomes "That Child"

School has been an interesting challenge for us this year. Back in August, I placed my two-year-old in preschool. At first he cried, especially at drop-off and pick-up, but soon, he seemed to adjust pretty well. And then... he started acting out. I was so sad when I received the first email about him. My sweet boy wasn't being very nice at all. In fact, he was being all out defiant. 

Oh twos. 

At times, we'll go a week or two without any instances, but then, his little independent spirit will rise up again, and I'll here more about his school shenanigans. 

Oh dear.

My mommy heart hurts that we're going through this with him. My prayer, day in and day out, is that he'll learn a great lesson on kindness. But teaching a two-year-old about kindness is pretty difficult!

Just the same, I'm so thankful for the people who have come alongside us through this struggle. Starting preschool, being around other kids his age, and learning to respect authority are big lessons for his little brain to learn. But I believe they're important ones. And I'm so thankful for the tremendous compassion others are giving us through this stage. 

1) Teachers. I'm thankful for teachers that are gracious, and willing to work with my son. They understand his young age, but also aren't willing to let him get away with such behavior.

2) Friends: I'm thankful for friends that are gracious and understand. They understand that this is a working issue, something I'm addressing with him as it arises, but also something I don't condone. 

3) Perspective: I can definitely think back to past circumstances when I wasn't as gracious with other young children. When they were mean to my child, and I took offense. Being in these shoes has reminded me just how hard this parenting gig is. It's not easy people, and we're all working through it together. 

4) Free-will: We love our children and try so hard to teach them right from wrong, but they still like to make their own decisions, don't they? They still make decisions we don't always like, or condone. This scares me, as I think about my children growing older. But it also makes me pray for them all the more. I pray, that they don't always take the hard road. That God protects their little hearts. That they learn early in this life that living their life for Jesus is the best choice they could ever choose to make.  And I know, that God created their beautiful, highly spirited personalities for for a reason!

“Rain down, you heavens, from above,
And let the skies pour down righteousness;
Let the earth open, let them bring forth salvation,
And let righteousness spring up together.
I, the Lord, have created it.

Woe to him who strives with his Maker!
Let the potsherd strive with the potsherds of the earth!
Shall the clay say to him who forms it, ‘What are you making?’
Or shall your handiwork say, ‘He has no hands’?”

— Isaiah 45:8-9, NKJV

“He has made everything beautiful in its time”

— Ecclesiates 3:11, NKJV

Thursday Rambles

This week I:

Started watching Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. What memories it's bringing back! I found season 1 & season 2 at a thrift store! The only problem is that now I'm going to want to watch the rest!

Spent some unexpected time with my daughter. She had a fever on Tuesday, so the two of us spent the morning home together. We painted toes, drank lots of Orange Juice, and watched some Tinkerbell. I felt bad that she wasn't feeling 100%, but the girl time was wonderful. It was also just such a reminder of how big she's getting! It was refreshing to focus time on her like that!

Caught up an Influence Network class from a few months back "Love Your Home" by Sarah Schneider. Best advice? Live in your home for awhile, learn it's bones, before you make any drastic changes! (Like painting all the rooms). She also suggested keeping walls to a neutral palette, and using indoor/outdoor fabric on furniture! The walls and floors are painted white in her kid's play area, she feels like this gives them the ability to imagine anything with the space! 

Read (ing): Christy by Catherine Marshall. I have a short list of books I'm really trying to finish right now. This one is a slow read, but interesting! I'm thinking of skimming it a bit to make it the rest of the way through. 

Also listing to the Audible version of Wives & Daughters by Elizabeth Gaskell

And I've just started this seven-day devotional. It's a free download over on kayliehodges.com!

Held: My boy while he feel asleep for his nap this afternoon. Seriously don't know the last time I've done that! I often sit on the floor in his room while he's falling asleep, but today I held him, and he felt way too big in my lap. He smelled of dirt, sweat, and hours of fun outside with friends. Everything a little boy should smell of! Cherishing up those moments!

Just Me

Have I mentioned lately that I love The Influence Network? Last year, I attended their conference, and since then have become involved in their online community. It's a place for Christian women to come together, pray, encourage and empower one another. There's forums, private small groups, and monthly online classes on all sorts of topics, from studying the Bible, to business tips, savvy wardrobes, or household decorating. 

On Tuesday night I took a class called Thriving over Striving by Sarah Dolislager. In the class, Sarah lead us through different scriptures, shared from her personal life, and encouraged us to consider where we're truly finding our value. Is it in numbers, in being recognized, in making a large stamp on this life, or is our value found in Jesus alone? For her, this meant closing her business for awhile, so that she could focus on being the best wife, best friend that God created her to be. 

When the class began, I honestly didn't think there was anything I could apply to my life. But then, I started to see the cracks. I started to recognized the areas in which I do strive to be recognized, to be known. Where I do strive to be something... more. 

I think it's a part of our lives that often has to be reevaluated. From time to time, it's good to ask ourselves where our focus lies. Are we looking to the work for recognition too much, or looking too much at our own abilities, versus focusing on God?

For me, it means keeping my priorities in check.

It means being content with the gifts and abilities that God has given me. 

It means, not necessarily that I stop writing, stop trying to submit work to publications, but that I make sure that my focus is on Jesus, not the amount of Instagram followers (or blog reads) that I have at the moment. And that, honestly, I don't take it too personally when people reject my writing. I know I have a story to tell, so I'll keep putting the time in, keep seeking out new venues to share that story. 

It means not comparing myself to others, but finding joy in the life God has created for me.

It means finding ways to use my abilities, in the life, in the family God has given me. This means that I often don't have much time for writing. My 2 & 5 year old are way too dependent for me to do that just yet. But I do think it's important to not feel frustrated with them. And to not compare my life with someone else's.

It means... truly being happy being me. Me, fearfully and wonderfully made, with a love of reading, writing, sharing what the Lord has on my heart. Me. Just me. Created in the image of God with passions, desires, words that I long to share. Me. Thriving where God has placed me for such a time as this. 

Aroma

“But thanks be to God, who always puts us on display in Chris and through us spreads the aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. For to God we are the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing”

— 2 Corinthians 2:14-15, HCSB

I've been thinking a lot about prayer this week. I truly want my prayer life to grow. I want to spend dedicated time each day truly going through prayer requests, people I've promised to pray for, things on my heart. And I want to spend time listening. Because my world is a noisy one! 

Prayers in this season of life are usually rushed, often spoken throughout the day. 

Lately, I've been choosing to get up early. To spend time working out on the Elliptical, and also reading some morning scriptures. Taking care of my own physical and spiritual health. It's good for me. It's pushing me to do something for myself.

These disciplines are something I want my kids to see as well. I want them to see the importance I place on being healthy, in all senses of the word.

But it's not easy.

It's not easy to find time in an already jam packed life.

I get so frustrated when that extra prayer time doesn't happen. 

But...

This season, with children that are still so dependent on me, is fleeting.

Perhaps it's less about finding more time away from my kids in prayer, and more about finding moments to pray with them.

I could:

• Pray with them in the car, on our way to school in the morning.
• Pray with them at dinner time.
• Encourage them to pray on their own at bedtime.
• Pray for them with their confused, upset, frustrated. Teach them that God is always there, ready to listen to our hearts.
• Pray with them, and teach them to come to God during the good moments and bad. To praise Him for all He's done and all that He's about to do.

Because my greatest influence, is right in front of me. I have the privilege of teaching these two about Jesus day in and day out. 

And so, instead of being frustrated by time I don't have, I'll be thankful for all the learning moments I do have. 

For we are the aroma of Christ to our children, our friends, our neighbors. 

Just how will we use that influence?

Letting Others Love My Children

I read a really inspiring post over on Grace for Moms the other day, check it out here. The author was sharing about her cancer diagnosis at the beginning of 2015, and how hard it was to give up time with her young son, and let others love on him during this hard season. I can't imagine such a diagnosis, but I can identify with her mommy struggles. In this Pinterest age of supper mommies, we hold ourselves to such a high standard. We want to do it all with our children, to make the most of every situation. And we want to prove that we can handle this motherhood thing on our own. But, sometimes, life invades. Frazzled circumstances enter in, and we're forced to admit that we can't do this on our own. We put our sweet children in preschool, hire that babysitter, or trade babysitting with a friend, and then suffer the mommy guilt. The feeling that we're somehow letting our kids down. That we weren't enough. 

But you know what?

Sometimes it's ok to let other people love on my children.

I had grand plans to homeschool my children. Before my first child was born, I had even signed up to receive emails from one homeschool curriculum company. I was definite in my decision, homeschooling was the perfect choice for our military way of life. 

But then... life entered in. A deployment, a 2,000 mile move, a second deployment—homeschooling just didn't seem like the right choice for us, at that moment. And so, our daughter was sent to preschool. I suffered so much guilt over this, but, soon, I began to see changes. She was excited about this, our relationship at home was improving because of this, and peace entered in. I knew that, for this season, schooling outside the home was the right decision. And then this year, Kindergarten. I truly never thought we would send her outside the home for Kindergarten, but we did, and it's wonderful. Wonderful, because I feel such a peace about sending her there. Wonderful, because I'm learning that, sometimes, it's ok to let go of my kids a bit. It's ok to admit that, at this point in time, mommy needs a little break. Mommy needs to breathe. And that this school, is the perfect, thriving place for my daughter to be. 

My second child entered a preschool program this Fall, and once again I felt a bit guilty, especially because He had a rough beginning. (We're still trying to get through the tears at drop-off and pick-up, y'all). But I know that this change will be good for my son and I as well. He will get the chance to socialize, be around other children his age, and learn from a teacher outside of the home. And I have to say, the teachers at his school are amazing! They're encouraging, uplifting, teaching them how to interact with others, teaching them about Jesus. And by loving my children, they're loving my heart as well.

Isn't that the beautiful part? When we let others love on our children, we feel the overflow as well. When I know my children are happy, and exactly in the place they need to be, my heart feels happy and at peace. And that is a marvelous thing! I truly believe that God knew that I needed this season. That He has some lesson for my heart in this coming year, with both kiddos in school. There will be definitely be some heart work going on. And so, I open my hands, and thank Him for this season of grace. This season of letting go, and letting others love my children. I thank Him for this wonderful school, where I felt good about leaving my kids each day. And, I pray about future years. Who knows, a few years down the road, the answer to homeschooling may be a resounding yes! But the lesson for my heart will still be the same. Sometimes it's good to let other people love my children. 

The Lifeguard

They sat as a group by the side of the pool, listening to the instructor. Before they jumped in the pool there were rules to follow, a list of directions to attend to. And then, they jumped. Not holding the instructor's hand, but free fall. Would there be a bottom? Would they be able to stand? Some where fearless when it came to this, others held back, one or two even needed a hand, especially on the first few days. But slowly they became confident with this first step, because... they knew they could stand. And so they jumped in, cool water in the hot morning sun, drenching them from the feet up. But standing in the water wasn't enough. Next, next they had to put their head under, once, twice, five times. Five times they had to put their head under, trusting that their breath would hold. Trusting that the life guard was watching them. 

You should have seen my daughter's face at this point. She glowed with happiness. She was so proud that she had dunked her head under water. It was just the beginning of learning how to swim, but she was proud of this first, substantial step. 

The first step is not being afraid. The first step is to just put your head under water. Some of us take forever to even make it this far. We don't trust our lungs. We're afraid of putting our head under, for even a second.  

But she did this.  

And then, the life guard asked for something more.

He had her lay on her back, extend her arms and legs, and float. To trust the buoyancy of her young body, to trust that, while he wasn't holding her, he was near by to catch her when she started to sink.  

To trust that he'd always be right there, each time a new task was placed in front of her. 

And then she was placing her feet against the wall, pushing out into the unknown. Swimming towards the lifeguard. Propelling her little arms and legs forward. 

Trusting. 

Extending. 

Growing. 

Reaching. 

My mommy heart was scared for her at times. I worried that the life guard would be distracted, that he wouldn't realize just how small she was. The other members of her class were head and shoulders above her. What was shallow to them was deep to her.  

But he always caught her just in time. Just in time his arms reached out and pulled her back in. 

She was never truly outside of his reach, even when she was flying through the water. Even when it seemed like she was all alone.  

Even when her future was unclear, she had to trust in what she knew. She knew that he had kept her from sinking before. She knew that he had always been there. She knew that he spoke honestly to her. So she pushed out from the wall, tried moving her arms and legs, and tried to see what would happen next. Sometimes she didn't get very far. She was still small, and weak. The life guard said it would take time, time to build up stamina, time to grow and continue to learn. But again and again she was in that water. For two weeks she showed up, practicing those skills. At the end of the lessons, she wasn't quite there yet. But the skills she had learned so far where so important. Trust, trust in her own ability to breathe. Trust that she could float in the water. Trust that the life guard would keep her from sinking while she learned. 

There are days when I feel so weak. I find myself, barely being able to move my arms, starting to sink. But I know, I know God has kept me until now. I know that His plans for me have been in place since the beginning. So, I stretch my fingers out, stick my belly up in the air, and try to float. I float through the waters of this life, sometimes smooth, sometimes rocky, trusting that God will protect me. He will protect me in new territory, in the unknowns. He will protect me, as I continue to let go of my children, and let experience God for themselves. He will protect me, as we face moves in our future, new places, new adventures. He will protect me on the easy, rolling days of motherhood, and on the days when I sense just how deep the water is. He will places His hand on my back when I start to sink, and hold me steadfast. 

He has always caught me. He is my refuge and strength (Psalm 94:18,19.22).

His plans are good and true (Jeremiah 29:11).

He loves me and has called me to a purpose (Romans 8:28).

I can't go anywhere that He hasn't already been (Psalm 139). 

He has written every day of my story, and that of my children (Psalm 139).

And so, I trust Him as we start on a new adventure. I trust Him, when He asks me to jump, free fall into the water, waiting for the bottom to come. I trust Him, when I lay on my back, ears muted by the water, face toward the sky, knowing that He is the Creator of all. He is my ultimate Life Guard. He is worthy of my trust and adoration. I trust in what I know.  

Just Mama

This summer, I said goodby to blogging. I said goodbye to brainstorming, researching, submitting propsals to magazines.  

Let's back track a bit. In January, the husband and I sat down and looked at my writing, my blog, and made a game plan for the year. I set aside time to write consistantly again, with the desire to get my heart out there, and share my story with others. It went well at first. My daughter was in Preschool a few times a week, so my writing time was squeezed in those few hours, while my youngest took his morning nap. Except... he didn't nap. There were may days that I couldn't get him down at all, or it would take so long to get him down that I wouldn't have any time left to write. My writing starting spilling over onto other parts of my life, afternoons, when my daughter was home from school, and wanted my attention, even weekends, while my husband and kids played.  

It just wasn't working. I was spending my days so frustrated at my kids, because they were keeping my from my calling. Keeping me from what I really wanted to be doing. What I feel God called me to do. What felt so good back in January, really wasn't working at all anymore.  

And so, my heart whispered, stop. Stop striving, stop trying to do something that obviously isn't working for your family in this season. JUST BE MAMA. 

Writing is such an important part of me. It makes me happy, it fills me up. But it can't interfere with my family. And so, I largly backed off of writing. I wrote occasionaly, but only when a true moment by myself arose.

And then summer came, with it's long sunny days, hours spent with chalk in the driveway, or with the sprinklers soaking us all from head to foot, camping, visits from family, and suddenly, I blinked, and school is starting up again. I find myself with time to write, and I'm scared. Scared about sharing my heart with the world again. Scared, because perfection often holds me back. Scared, but so blessed by the imperfect summer my kids and I shared together. A summer where being their Mama was my greatest privilage of all. My number one job. My tremendous calling. I'm scared, but also so excited to start sharing my writing with you all again, both here, and on other media platforms. 

Yes, I do believe we can have callings upon our lives. Areas where God has gifted us, things that seem so good, have such a lasting purpose, but I always want to make sure I assess those areas. If it's causing stress in my home life, then I know that answer is "not yet". Not necessarily a "no." But more of a reassessment, a time of waiting. Someday, my children will be grown, out of our house, possibly living far away, and I'll have all the time I want to write. But for right now, they're small, and I want to honor that. Honor and cherish the fact that God has given them to me to raise. That I'm so much more than "Just Mama" to them. I'm their constancy, the person they wake up to each day, the person who keeps them organized, keeps them fed, keeps them safe, reminds them how loved they are, teaches them the things of God. 

Sometimes I struggle with that calling, feeling like being "Mama" isn't enough. I want to reach a wider audience, have more of an influence. But it's my immense job to raise up these two little humans. That is such a substaintial job. Just think of what God may be calling them to do someday! I could see my two spirited children doing some pretty amazing things! But into order to do that, Jesus needs to be shared to them right now, in these formitive, molding years. What a daunting task! And what an intense privilage!  

And so, all this to say, I'm back! Back on my beloved blog, and back to freelance writing again! But with a new perspective. Deployed Heart will once be here as a place of encouragement, of building up, of telling woman out there that they are not alone in this military life. It will be a place of devotionals, wholesome book reviews, and perhaps even some short stories! I'm so excited about what's to come!

Birthdays Past

As we walked down the sidewalk, breathing in the sunshine, soaking up the array of flowers, listening to the chatter of my daughter beside me, my heart was filled with all the memories of past years, past birthdays. Precious moments.

My mother, crawling in bed with me, whispering happy birthday as I slowly woke up. Year after year. Now, I still anticipate her phone call to be the first birthday wish of my day. Because who would remember more than she? She who carried me and birthed me and raised me. 

At 9, hair ribbons in my ponytail, ecstatic over my first American Girl Doll.

At 16, when my mom surprised me with a slumber party with all my youth group friends. A counter filled with food, rented movies to be watched, giddy late night talks and silliness to be ensued. 

At 21, when my best friend and I shared the same birthday, and our friends sent us on a scavenger hunt around campus, decked out in old prom dresses, hunting through the woods, being serenaded by a guy on a bench, ending up blindfolded in a car, until we arrived a fancy Italian restaurant. A circle table filled with laughing, girls, giddy with life, independence, the joys of friendship.

At 26, a newlywed, spending my first birthday far, far away from home. Buying my first sewing machine, and a few herbs to plant outside our front door. Having a meal cooked by my husband, creating new traditions together. 

And now 32, enjoying a quiet birthday, still fully mommy, with all the responsibilities, but filled with joy. Joy, because I was blessed to experience that day, even if there was sibling bickering diapers, and dirty dishes to do. Blessed, because God has given me so much. So many joyful memories, and so many more to come. Blessed, because I can see His hand at each moment. Blessed for the loved ones who have passed through my life.

The memories, the ghosts of the past, have left their beautiful imprint on my life now. And so, for awhile, I let them stay, I let my mind dream of past birthdays, and I thanked the Lord for today. Because one day, these moments, will be a memory, and oh how I want to make the most of today. 

On Slowing the Pace

I was so frustrated. I found myself getting grumpy, frustrated with my children, angry at myself. I had it all planned out, a neat schedule, deadlines, goals. I felt ready. Ready to balance my life with little ones and my ambitions. But then, my son's nap times got irregular, my times of work became even more unpredictable, I found myself making up the time in other random parts of the day, times during the day when I had both my kiddos begging for my attention. My planning self became annoyed, my introvert self became frustrated, "why can't they play alone?" "Why do they constantly want my attention?" "Why isn't this working out?"

I was getting frustrated, and angry. 

And so I realized it was time to step back.

Time to let go of some ambitions, some dreams, at least for a few months.

Time to let go and simply enjoy summer with my children.

Time to give those dreams back to God, and wait for Him to give the go-ahead.

It was hard to do. Hard, when I felt so "called" from Him to do this. Hard, when my dreams and passions seem like such a good thing. Hard, when the calling beats within my heart.

Hard, to not finish checking off the boxes, but to keep them open for now.

Hard, because I see others who seem to balance it all, but I can't.

But maybe it's less about what I can or can't do at this point, and more about surrender.

Surrender, letting go. Admitting that I was getting too grumpy and frustrated. Admitting, that I was losing track of the bigger picture. Admitting that my heart needs time to breathe this summer.

Yes, I'll still be writing this summer. I'll still be dreaming and plotting and game-planning for this Fall. But it will only be when the rare moment arises (like right now, when my little guy is actually napping!). And who knows, this summer break may be exactly what I need. This summer will be a time to read more, to journal more, and to definitely pray about directions God may want to take the calling upon my heart.

Have you ever been there? Have you ever had a true calling upon your heart, but realized that it's just the wrong season to realize that calling? That's definitely the place I'm at right now. I'd love to hear your thoughts. 

2015 Bookshelf: The Blythes Are Quoted

I'm so excited to share my next read for Modern Mrs. Darcy's 2015 Reading Challenge. I've now finished 10 out of 12! Only two more to go. Check out the books I've read, and some of my ideas for the last few on my Pinterest board. 

A Book By A Favorite Author:

L.M. Montgomery has long been a favorite  of mine. The Anne of Green Gables series is precious to me, an old friend that I've read over and over again. So when I stumbled across this book I'd never read before, I had to give it a go. 

This book was submitted to publishers shortly before L.M. Montgomery's death in 1942. Parts of it were published posthumously as The Road to Yesterday in 1974, but with some of the stories edited and the dialog between Anne and her family between stories removed. Why? Critics really aren't sure, but they do think it might have something to do with these stories being so much darker than others by L.M. Montgomery. Her outlook on WWII was depressing. To someone who lived through the Great War, the thought of another was disheartening. And so, edits were made, nearly a hundred pages were cut out, and readers didn't get the full picture of what L.M. Montgomery was writing (see Afterword by Benjamin Lefabvre, p.511)

Personally, I loved her short stories and poems in this volume. The short stories give a peak into life on Prince Edward Island, while the Blythe family is growing up. Sometimes you get the smallest peak into how Anne's family is doing, but for the most part, it is the stories of their neighbors and friends. Some of the stories are dark and mysterious, others joyous, some, almost supernatural! 

My favorite stories from the collection:

Some Fools and a Saint- definitely keeps you guessing!

Fancy's Fool: the supernatural element makes you wonder, just how much of it was a dream?

The Pot and the Kettle: Surprisingly sweet ending

One last word: Don't read this volume thinking that you're getting another story about Anne. It's really not about her. But do read it if you love L.M. Montgomery's short stories. There are definitely a few in this collection that you'll read over  and over again!

2015 Bookshelf: Great Expectations

I just checked off the next book on my 2015 Reading Challenge List (from Modern Mrs. Darcy)! You can view my list of books here. 

A book I should have read High School: 

For ages, I've wanted to read a Dickens novel. Back in High School, I tried to delve in, even during my college years I attempted one or another, but I could never get into it. I was convinced that Dickens just wasn't my cup of tea.

I was so wrong.

Great Expectations had it all, a compelling narrative, fascinating characters, gothic themes, and suspense!

Sometimes the dialog and wording was a bit confusing, but I loved sinking deep into a book, one that required me to think, grow conclusions, piece together themes throughout. I felt like I was back in grad school again, ha! Every once in awhile, I love a novel that demands critical thinking. This one surely delivered.

My favorite part? I loved the characterizations. So many fascinating characters in this novel! One of my favorites was Miss Havisham. This lady was straight out of a gothic novel! Stuck in times past, dwelling upon a wedding that never happened, infested, bemoaning, begrudging, more a ghost than a woman. She's a spectacular character!

Pip describes his first meeting with Miss Havisham as thus:

“I saw that everything within my view which ought to be white, had been white long ago, and had lost its lustre, and was faded and yellow. I saw that the bride within the bridal dress had withered like the dress, and like the flowers, and had no brightness left but the brightness of her sunken eyes. I saw that the dress had been put upon the rounded figure of a young woman, and that the figure upon which it now hung loose, had shrunk to skin and bone.”

— p.91-92

She sits in her house, day after day, one wedding shoe on and the other off, stopped at a moment in time that never progressed forward (p.91). Pip views her as a living skeleton, someone who is, truly, no longer living (92). She sits smoldering with resentment and hatred over the man who jilted her. She never sees the light of day and refuses to acknowledge that time has progressed. Even her wedding cake has been left out on a table, to rot away in a most disgusting way:

“The most prominent object was a long table with a tablecloth spread on it, as if a feast had been in preparation when the house and the clocks stopped all together. An epergne or centre-piece of some kind was in the middle of this cloth; it was so heavily overhung with cobwebs that its form was quite undisinguishable; and, as I looked along the yellow expanse out of which I remember its seeming to grow, like a black fungus, I saw speckled-legged spiders with blotchy bodies running home to it, and running out from it, as if some circumstance of of the greatest public importance had just transpired in the spider community”

— p.117

Miss Havisham's spitefulness over being jilted is shown through the way she refuses to move on, move past the experience. Instead, she fumes, insisting that her life was ruined at that moment. And so, the clocks stand still in her household, the cake rots, she never puts on her other wedding shoe. Perhaps the worst result of her hatred is seen in her treatment of Estella. Estella is a young ward who is placed in Miss Havisham's house. Miss Havisham molds this young child, teaching her to hate from an early age, enforcing a heart of stone upon her. It is only near the end that she realizes just what an error she made, in raising up Estella so.

It is only near the end of her life that Miss Havisham recognizes the mistake she'd made (p.443). Although Pip feels sorry for her, he can't help but acknowledge just how selfish she had been:

“I knew not how to answer, or how to comfort her. That she had done a grievous thing in taking an impressionable child to mould into the form that her wild resentment, spurned affection, and wounded pride, found vengeance in, I knew full well. But that, in shutting out the light of day, she had shut out infinitely more; that, in seclusion, she had secluded herself from a thousand natural and healing influences; that, her mind, brooding solitary, had grown diseased, as all minds do and must and will that reverse the appointed order of their Maker; I knew equally well.”

— p.444

Miss Havisham had shut out the world, long before her time. Instead of living out her purpose, of inviting people into her life and living, she lived as if she was already dead. And that, Pip recognizes, what a grave mistake. Pip has his own lessons to learn in Great Expectations as well. But I think Miss Havisham's sad story teaches him something as well. People can have a great influence over others, they must use it wisely. And people are not meant to live alone. They need their loved ones to go through life with, through the easy and hard times, supporting one another, teaching each other to love and forgive. Miss Havisham missed out on life, because sat and fumed with resentment. She sewed hatred, instead of love. Perhaps a bit of a lesson for us all?