Chosen

I just read some encouraging words that I just had to share! Holley is writing about being chosen today. Click on her name to see what she has to say (and to participate in this week's link up).

As I read Holley's words, they resonated deep in my heart. I was one of those girls who always felt like she was on the outskirts of the party, who never quite felt like she fit in through grade school and high school. I was a God-lover, which meant I usually wasn't even invited to parties. I attended a Christian school, but still felt like I never truly fit in. I was so lonely. I wanted friends so badly. I wanted to be chosen, to belong. Yes, I was involved in all sorts of extra-curricular activities. I kept busy through my grade school and high school days. But I didn't have many kindred spirit friends. I didn't have many people that understood the real me.

I think God used those slightly lonely days to teach me to depend on Him. In college, I finally had close friends, and I couldn't help but thank God for sending them into my life. Such friends were worth waiting for. My life since college has been filled with ups and downs.  Sometimes I find lots of friends where I move, sometimes, not so much. Sometimes loneliness still invades my life. But I've learned that when my heart lies with my Savior, I can handle times of loneliness.

I've been chosen by Him. He is my best friend, my Savior, my God, my everything. He is all I truly need to survive.

Feel encouraged today, dear friends. You have been chosen. You have been desired.

Changing Seasons

There’s rain on the ground this morning. I find myself cuddled up in my pajamas with a cup of coffee, blanket wrapped around my shoulders, magazine sitting in my lap, daughter playing with her toys near by.

Fall is in the air.

Hayrides.

Bonfires.

Apple Cider.

Pumpkins.

Costumes.

Scarecrows.

Pie.

My heart lightens as I anticipate the season before me.

But then I pause. I ask myself how I can look forward to such things this year. How I can find joy and excitement in the seasons changing when my heart is deployed.

But why can’t I?

Why can’t I still feel the thrill of corduroy pants, cardigan sweaters, scarves and boots?

Why can’t I get excited when the leaves turn from green to hues of red, orange and yellow?

Yes, of course I’ll miss a special someone this year. Of course I’ll wish that he was here to experience the wonders of Autumn alongside me.

But I think that joy will still find its way into my heart this Autumn.

God will still be at work, crafting seasons and colors and changes to the world around me.

And for that I’m thankful. I’m thankful that the seasons will keep on moving and changing.

It’s a part of life. A part that I’m ever so willing to experience.

The Hike

Can we escape for awhile, you and I?

Can we walk deep into the woods?

Can we find God once again?

Can we scale some rocks,

breathe in the fresh air,

and simply enjoy God's creation for what it is?

Where do you go to reconnect with your family and your Creator?

Date night

Sometimes I just want to get away. To dress up and go out on the town with my handsome husband.

But that’s not always possible.

Babysitters cancel, kiddos are sick, or the weather is inclement.

My birthday weekend was one of those times when the babysitter fell through.

And I wasn't happy about it.

In fact, I was in quite a "woe is me" state of mind.

Everything was wrong in our life, and little was right.

I was annoyed that I was stuck at home, instead of at a movie theater with my hubby.

I was wishing years would just past by and my daughter would be old enough to leave alone for an evening.

But that’s still many years down the road.

Do I truly want these years to pass by so fast?

Those days of freedom will come, but for now I want to immerse myself into a world of pureed foods, new teeth, first steps and baby jabber. I want to imprint pictures in my mind of messy faces, first outings, sleepless nights. Because, before I want to believe it, firsts will become lasts. She will eat people food, no longer crawl, and have a full set of teeth. She’ll talk fluently, reject nap times and step onto a yellow school bus, ending our days together at home.

There will come a time when my husband and I have all the time in the world for date nights. At that point in time, I don’t want to look back and wish for things to be different.

And so, for now, I relish our “date-nights,” when we put the little one to bed, put in a movie, and cuddle up on the couch with a bowl of popcorn. No, it’s no movie-theater, but it has a special appeal just the same. It’s us, enjoying life with a little one, and making the most of each moment we have.

How will you make the most of today?

A 4th of July Hike

I hope you all had a wonderful 4^th of July weekend. With my husband’s deployment ever getting nearer, this holiday was extra special for us as a family.

Life has so many snapshots. So many moments when you look around you and try to make the memories last. On Saturday, we took our little girl on a 7-mile hike. The woods were beautiful, the mountains magnificent against the clear blue sky. The air was crisp in the early morning hours, but soon the air warmed up to an almost intolerable state. For the first 4 miles or so our daughter was happy to watch the world from her backpack, napping intermittently. Near the end of the hike, though, she stated to get antsy, and demanded attention. We listened to her cry, slightly embarrassed whenever other hikers past by, and then finally gave in and carried her in our arms the rest of the way.

At the time, I was a bit annoyed with her, but in retrospect, it’s only a fading memory. My daughter will only be a baby for so long, so I choose to enjoy the experiences with her, even if some days are less than perfect. I chose to enjoy the time my husband and I get with her, while she’s still young. I’m sure, when my husband is deployed, I will wish for these days once again, the days in which my daughter cries for miles and miles of our hike. It was a less than perfect memory, but over all, God still blessed us with a beautiful hike on a beautiful morning. Oh how thankful I am for such times as this!

My Art

I am my worst critic. I tell myself that my art doesn’t matter. I tell myself that my gift just isn’t good enough. And so I ignore it. I stay busy. I clean the house, talk on the phone with friends, work on crafts and play with my daughter (not that these are necessarily bad things, just stick with me!). I leave my art until the end of my day, when my brain is tired and my words half-hearted. I don’t devote the time I should to writing, because, why does it matter? Who reads this blog anyway. What’s the point? I can thing of a million excuses. But still the open page sits there. Still the opportunity to share my true heart. Still the ability to reach the world for Christ. In my heart of hearts I know that I’m a woman of words. If I deny this art, I am then denying who God created me to be. Writing is my art. I may be less than perfect at it. I may not be the best grammar guru in the world. I may make mistakes. But God speaks to me through words. And I pray that He uses my words to speak to others as well. As I explore different avenues, I still find myself confused by this gift. How, exactly will God use this gift?  I truly don’t know. All I know is that He’s planted a love of writing deep in my heart. As I walk down this road of life I’m doing my best to hone this gift. I’m practicing, I’m experimenting and I’m growing. All I can do is use this gift to glorify my Jesus each and every day and trust Him to care for the rest.

What is the art in your life? Sometimes, in the midst of our busy lives, it’s so hard to find, but it’s there, peeking through the loads of laundry and rainy days. God’s gifts are present and oh so ready to be revealed to you! For more on the art in our daily lives, check out www.chattingatthesky.com.

Babies Don't Keep

There's the mound of laundry, the dishes, the floor that needs to be mopped, a blog to write, and a mile or two to run outside. And, oh wait, a little girl pulling at my pant leg, her toy duck in one hand, a smile on her face.

I pause from the business of life, forget my list of things to accomplish, and sit down on the floor to play with her for a bit. As I sit down a smile lights up her face and she crawls up onto my laugh, content and happy in my arms.

And I know that this is the memory I'll keep. the fact that the laundry isn't done won't matter in the long time sceme of things. No, it will be the time I spent playing with my daughter when she was young that will matter.

Because Babies Don't Keep.

"Song for a Fifth Child" or "Babies Don't Keep"

By Ruth Hulburt Hamilton (Lady's Home Journal in 1958)

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
hang out the washing and butter the bread,
sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
and out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
but I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

Is there anything you need to re-prioritize in your life today? What is God speaking to your heart?

Childhood dreams

I remember being a senior in high school. It was exciting to rule the roost of  the school. But along with all of the fun, there was also an immense amount of pressure. Throughout that last year of high school I was asked time and again what I wanted to do with our lives. People expected me to already know what college I was going to and exactly what I wanted to do for the next 50ish years of my life. Such pressure!

But I had dreams even then. Some of those dreams have changed drastically over time. Others are there on the back burners, waiting for the right time to be fulfilled.

And some have been realized.

I had always dreamed about being a wife and mother. In my dream we lived in a little blue house with a picket fence. My husband worked a 9 to 5 job and walked through the door promptly on time for dinner each evening. My babies went down easily for her naps and played nicely on their own. Oh, and did I mention that we lived close enough to see my parents for Sunday dinner each week?

It's funny to think about the pictures we painted as a child, isn't it?

Reality is often far different.

No, we don't live close to family, we don't own our own little house, and the military often puts demands on my husband that keep him from walking promptly through the door at 5 pm. In fact, sometimes there are weeks upon weeks that I don't see him at all. Sigh.

That child that I dreamed so much about has been much harder than I imagined as well. She's an imperfect human being that takes up so much of my time. I often wonder if I'll ever get completely caught up on housework ever again! (So much for those dreams of being a perfect housewife, ha!).

But the God I serve is an amazing God! He looked at the dreams of my heart and crafted them into something more beautiful then I could imagine.Yes, there are times of loneliness and pain, but the beautiful times far out weigh them! There are days when I desperately miss my loved ones, but then I take my little girl outside to enjoy the sunshine, I look at the beautiful house that we are renting, and I'm once again blessed by the great friends we've made in this town.

The plans God has for me sometimes coincide with my childhood dreams. Other times those plans grow and evolve out of what I thought I once wanted. They grow into something far more beautiful then I could have ever imagined.

Today has been anything but a perfect day. That's why I needed to think about my dreams for a few minutes and remind myself how far I've come, and how much God still has to do in my life!

What dreams did you dream as a child? Have those dreams been realized, or have they changed over time?

"May He give you what your heart desire and fulfill your whole purpose" (Psalm 20:4, HCSB)

"'For I know the plans I have for you' —[this is] the LORD's declaration—'plans for [your] welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope'" (Jeremiah 29:11, HCSB).

Back to the routine

In the past month my little girl has been on two separate plane trips! I have to say that she’s so much easier on plane trips vs. car trips. She loved watching all of the people at the airport, and sleeps during the flights. I even got compliments from other people on how well behaved she was! We’ll have to wait and see what she’s like in future years! For right now, I’m thankful that traveling with her went as well as it did. All of her grandparents loved cuddling with her. She’s rolling, sitting up on her own, and crawling (and she’s not even 7 months old yet!).

I’m so proud of my little one.

That’s what makes days like today a bit easier.

Today she’s a bit grumpy.

Today she misses all of the attention she just received from dotting grandparents, and doesn’t want to play on her own.

Today I miss my normally happy little girl.

Today I’m a bit grumpy myself.

I never like saying goodbye.

It’s always rough.

It’s tough to think about how much time will pass before I see those I love again.

It’s tough to come back from a vacation.

But at the same time there have been some things I’ve missed.

I’ve missed watching my handsome husband walk through the door at the end of the day. (I love my man in uniform!).

I’ve missed my daughter having her own room! We all sleep so much better that way.

I’ve missed writing. And blogging. My heart has so much to share. I’m so excited to find a new routine. My little one is starting to take regular naps each day, which will make it so much easier to write!

I’ve missed my house. My own space. My own world.

And so here I am. I’m not going back to the old routine. But instead finding a new one with an almost-seven-month old.

I’m praying that God helps me find this routine. My time with Him has been sadly lacking as of late.

How have you been doing?

My Valentine

She makes my life more difficult.

She makes me push my own needs to the side and focus on someone else.

Sometimes she makes me cry out of frustration.

Sometimes the nights and days with her are so long.

But then, she giggles as I kiss on her face.

She smiles when I walk into the room.

She simply wants to cuddle with me at the end of a long day.

And I know what true love is like.

Happy First Valentine's Day, my precious baby.

A New Year

Have you ever seen something that made you pause in wonder? Have you ever caught your breath, amazed at the beauty God created on this earth? Have you ever stopped to simply praise Him for His beautiful creation?
This picture was taken on New Years day, as I watched the sun come up on the horizon greeting the new year and all it would entail. I couldn't help but feel the excitement and wonder of it all. It was such a beautiful site to behold.

What part of God's creation amazes you? What simple things can you find wonder in today?

Called to Serve

We drove over 13,000 miles to get here. Every morning my husband heads off to class and leaves my daughter and I behind in our little room. A kitchenette, a closet, a bathroom, and a bedroom, that’s all our little world consists at the moment. On the warmer days explore the city, finding things to see and do. We try to keep our little “home” clean and picked up. If we didn’t we’d trip over each other, it’s that tiny.
At times I go a little stir crazy. At times I resent the long hours my husband works. I resent this part of military life that feels like single parenting. But then I remember why I came.
I came because I had the choice.
I came to serve my husband. I love doing his laundry, making his meals, and encouraging him as he studies.
I came to explore a new part of the country.
I came so that my daughter could see my husband when he is home from class. There will be many times in the coming years when my daughter goes weeks or months without seeing her daddy, this didn’t have to be one of them.
I came to serve, and love, and to get outside of myself and see the needs around me in this world.

Where have you been called to serve lately?

Why Do I Write?

I’ve been inspired by some letters between friends. They’ve been talking about the power of words, and why we even write in the first place.
Why do I write? I wondered, as I read their letters. Why do I spend my days in front of a computer, typing out words into a document and then posting them online?
It’s not always easy. Sometimes it takes several days for me to come up with something to say. Yesterday was one of those days. I wrote and rewrote something, only to end up not posting it the end.
So why do I keep writing?
If it’s simply to fill time, then I have better things to do. If it’s simply to avoid housework, then I better get off this computer right now. I don’t want my writing to be an addiction. I want my writing to be part of my calling.
I feel as if there’s an innate part of me that can’t help but write. God speaks to me so often through words. It may be through the Bible, through the words of a friend, or through the words I write down on the page.
Writing is how I worship Him. It’s how I keep my heart in the right place.
Writing is a part of who I am.

With a humbled heart I must admit that I don’t always turn to God before I write. I don’t always bow my head in prayer and ask Him for the words to say. The blog I read today reminded me of that:

“If He ever says “no” then that’s the day I’ll have to put down my pen. Because I know:
I am the servant and not the source.
This is what gives me the courage to write.
We don’t have to come up with words.
We only have to ask for them and be willing to share them—to face the fear and put them on the table” (Holley Gerth).

What an excellent reminder.
The words really aren’t up to me. They’re God’s, they always have been. He’s the reason I have the ability to write. He’s given me eyes to see and fingers to type with. He’s given me a brain to function with. He’s given me the words to say.

Why do I have this blog? Because I want to share my struggles and experiences as a military wife. It’s not an easy life, but it’s the life God has called me to. He’s called me to be a military spouse, a homemaker, a mother, a writer. And he’s given me the desire to chronicle those experiences and struggles. If one day that desire is gone, this blog will stop. But until then, I welcome you to follow along on my journey. It’s quite an amazing one. It’s full of everyday struggles and experiences. It’s the story of a girl trying to become more like her Savior. It’s the story of my life.

These Precious Days

My baby is sleeping on my arm as I type this. I have things that need to be done. I have a floor to sweep, laundry to transfer, and dirty dishes to load in the dishwasher. If I got out of this chair I could lay her down and accomplish some of these things. She’d probably stay asleep. But for once, I’m content to sit here and let her sleep. For once I’m enjoying the quiet of the house, the only noise being the tap tap tapping of the keyboard as I write away. For a moment I’m soaking in the feeling of being a mother. I’m taking some mental pictures of what it’s like to have a baby balanced in my arm. I know it won’t be long before I’m chasing after a toddler, so I’m trying to enjoy this moment of babyhood. At two months of age my little daughter already looks so different. Her face is changing its shape, her eyes are getting bluer, her hair is growing in so dark and beautiful. There are many days that she frustrates me with her cries, that I get tired of toting her in and out of stores, and dread changing her poopy diaper once again. These are honest feelings, I’m sure. Just the same, I was reminded again this morning about how blessed I truly am. I’m blessed in every moment I spend with her. Sometimes I wonder what her life will be like. I look ahead and try to imagine what her voice will sound like, if she’ll be a daddy’s girl, what her favorite color will be. I dream about chatting with her over a cup of tea, watching her go off to college, and seeing her walk down the aisle on her wedding day. All of these things are in the future. I pray to God I’ll experience all of them with her. But I know that isn’t always the case. I know that dreams get cut short in this broken world. I know that sometimes babies go home sooner then expected. I can’t imagine the pain and brokenness. In fact, I try not to think about such a thing. Just the same, the reality of this life makes me want to treasure every moment I do have with my daughter. It makes me remember to be thankful when I get up in the middle of the night to feed her. It makes me remember to praise God when she screams in the department store, because her lungs are healthy and strong. It makes me remember to slow down and cuddle her close, because God has given me today with my precious little girl.

What do you need to slow down and appreciate today?

Happy Veterans Day!

Happy Veterans Day to all the men and women who serve our country . I'm so proud to be a military wife. Although it's hard being so far away from family, God has blessed our life in the military. I admire my husband so much for the job he does day in and day out. He's a wonderful officer, a wonderful husband, and a wonderful father. I'm truly blessed!

There’s Always A Plane

This past week I witnessed a beautiful thing. I saw my parents meet their grandchild for the first time. I watched them enraptured with my little girl and my heart swelled. I savored every moment of their visit, and cried when I saw them off to the airport. A bittersweet reality of this military life is that along with all of the hellos, there’s always a goodbye. I wish there never had to be goodbyes. In a perfect world we would all live next door to each other, with privacy fences in between. In a perfect world distance wouldn’t separate us.
But it does.
Friends and family stretch across state lines and continents. It’s amazing to think that I know people across this entire globe. Our relationships span time zones and cultural barriers. This distance feels so much less because of modern technology. Phone calls, pictures, video chats, and social networking sites all help with this. (In fact, I actually had a video chat baby shower, how cool is that?).
While technology helps with the distance, it doesn’t take away the pain of separation. It doesn’t take away all the tiny moments we miss out of each other’s lives.
But it does make us treasure the moments we do have. It makes us cherish those few and far in between times when we do fall into each others arms in embraces, laugh as we play games around a table, and relish a sunset as we take a walk together.
And for the times when we’re not together, for those days when I hug my momma goodbye and watch her walk into the airport, I feel the gentle tug of a Savior who understands my pain, and will take the pieces of my heart and hold them gently until we meet again.

And Then They Were Parents…

Eleven days ago my life changed…for the good. My daughter entered this world and all of a sudden a whole new life was before me. I could no longer look at the world as a semi-newlywed, but instead saw it as a mother for the first time. As I looked at that girl that I had waited so long to meet, the nine months proceeding became a blur. The long days of waiting were quickly forgotten. And I felt so blessed that my Savior had given me this small human to bring up along side of my husband. In that same moment I watched my husband become a father, and that, too, was quite amazing. A man who has hardly even held a baby became a gentle caregiver who would do anything to protect his little girl. I’m crying even now thinking about it. The transition to parenthood is such a beautiful one. And such an emotional one as well. I have cried so many tears in this past week and a half. Many of them have been tears of desperation, as the perfect picture of motherhood hasn’t quite come into play. I’ve questioned decisions that were made at my daughters birth, questioned decisions my husband and I prayerfully made in those first couple of days, and needed my husband’s comforting words more than ever to remind me that God’s hand really is in each step we take in this life. More than anything, I’ve needed to be reminded how good we really have it. We have a beautiful, healthy baby girl who has already wrapped her fingers around our hearts.
As frustrated as I may feel at not yet being able to decipher her cries or always know what she truly needs, I’ve needed to be reminded time and again that God is just as present at 2:00 in the morning as He is right now as I write these words. He’s always present. He understands the confusion and frustrations of new parents, and is ready and willing to give us the confidence to meet these decisions head on.
A friend told me last night that she had prayed over me several weeks ago. She prayed that I would have the Strength, Energy and Confidence to make it through these early weeks of parenthood. Oh how I needed those words of encouragement. And oh how I needed to be reminded to spend time my Savior each day, something I hadn’t seriously done since this sweet little girl arrived. My argument has been that I’ve been too busy, which is true. But just the same I need the strength of God like never before, even if I only have a moment to spend time with Him.

Where do you need strength, energy or confidence today?

Just Being

My emotions have been on such a roller coaster as of late. I’ll have one day when I’m soaring as high as the clouds, and then the next will be extremely melancholy. You could blame it on pregnancy I suppose, but I also think it’s a fact of life. It’s a part of who I am as a woman and a child of God. Sometimes I think that all God wants is a willing heart, even on the good and bad days.
I’ve been trying so hard to be patient as of late, as I wait for this little one to arrive. It’s extremely hard at times. I’m now only a week away from my due date, so I wake up every morning wondering if today will be the day. I’m so obsessed with this baby coming that I think and over analyze every little sensation. I tend to focus on the baby and all my aches and pains, instead of looking outside of myself at the world around me.
I’ve felt a huge pull this week to simply be thankful.
And yesterday was the perfect type of day to be thankful for.
My husband had the day off (hooray for holiday weekends!) so we woke up in the morning, had some cinnamon rolls and coffee, and then took a walk outside. The sun was bright, the air was crisp, and the conversation was wonderful. I sometimes forget how much I truly enjoy my husband’s company. He’s so enjoyable to talk too!
After our walk we sat at the kitchen table and chatted about this and that. I was able to express some of my fears and concerns, and he was able to express his as well. I think we spent most of the day just talking. Some of the talk was random, some of it was serious, but it was so wonderful not to have a list of a million things to accomplish, but to instead just enjoy each others company.
Yesterday I was thankful just being.
Just being pregnant for one more day.
Just feeling the baby move.
Just enjoying the sunshine and cool breeze, hinting at Fall.
Just being my husband’s best friend and confidant.
Just being me, faults and all.
Just being a daughter of the King.

What is a perfect day to you? What would it involve or not involve? Do you ever enjoy just being you?

What I'm thankful for

I'm just in a thankful sort of mood today. I don't know why, but I'm going to run with it and make a list of some of the things I'm thankful for.  Even if you're having a rough day, I encourage you to do the same.

Here's the first few things that came to mind for me today.

I am thankful:

1) That it's almost September, baby's birthday month!
2) For my wonderful friends, new and old. You all bless me in different ways!
3) For Starbuck's Pumpkin Spiced Lattes. Yum!
4) For Autumn being just around the corner.
5) For my military husband. He's such a hard working, considerate man of God. I love him so much!
6) For our church. Not a Sunday goes by that I don't learn something about myself and my God!
7) For the ability to stay home and write. I truly have found a passion in blogging. I love it!
8)For a fixed laptop, free of charge!
9) For the days of motherhood that are just ahead. I'm so excited to meet this little one!
10) For the blogs I read daily. You all bless me with your words of honesty and encouragement!

Dreams

Since I was a little girl I've dreamed of being a writer and a teacher. I went to college unsure of what to study, and settled on English, since it was the perfect outlet to explore my love of reading and writing. Grad school followed, where I continued in this vein, with dreams of being a college professor on the horizon. But my first experience at teaching didn't go so well. The kids in the classroom weren't quite as enthused as I thought they would be. Soon, my self-esteem began to sink, and I wondered if being a professor really was my calling. And so I turned to copy-editing, another dream of mine. This, too, ended on a sour note. In desperation I looked around, wondering what God had in store.

But He had a plan in mind. And that plan was to let go. That plan was to become a military wife and mother, and leave the rest of the future up to him. That plan was to place me at home, where I would have time to read my Bible, invest in my family, and learn how to write in new, exciting ways.

And you know what, I'm ok with that. No, I'm not bringing in the big bucks as a college professor or editing up a storm in a news room, but I'm happy. I have time to keep my home clean, spend time with God each day, and prepare for this coming baby. And I feel as if God is slowly opening up a door when it comes to writing. I've found that I love blogging and reading other people's blogs. I've even tried my hand at submitting some work to some Christian publications.

My dreams haven't disappeared, they've just slowly been changing and evolving over time. What I thought I wanted and what God knew I needed were once two very different things. But now, slowly, those dreams are becoming realized.

I'm so blessed, this life I live as a military wife. I wouldn't change it for anything. And so, I'm excited to see how God will use my gifts for His glory in future years. Perhaps I will teach or copy edit again, or perhaps I'll simply be a military wife and mother, which is a pretty good life, if you ask me.

I'm a ready and willing vessel, which is exactly where God wants me.