Letting Go

I'm having trouble letting go. Admitting that E isn't a tiny baby anymore. A friend suggested a Mom's Morning Out program to me several months ago. My brain has been filled with every reason that I shouldn't do it. I'm honestly scared to give her up for several hours each week. Eight hours, to be exact. But who knows. Who knows how God might be moving through this situation. It would certainly give us both a breather. Both a chance to regroup. I could run errands with one kiddo instead of two, and probably find some hours to sit in a coffee shop as well. And she would be learning, growing, interacting. Forming friendships. Growing up. I worry about her sitting in  classroom, having to pay attention to a teacher, using the potty when she needs to. But perhaps, it's exactly what she needs.

It's crazy that I'm afraid about such a thing. But human. Natural. Often the way a mommy thinks. Who wants to let their little one go? For so long, they're our world. We often put dreams on the back burner to take care of these little fireballs. We watch wake up at all hours of the night to feed them, chase after them through grocery stores, keep harmful things out of their way. No wonder it's hard to start letting go. To admit that we've never really been in control.

God has. 

Didn't He create this very child? Psalm 139 tells us that He knew E before she even began. He, alone, knows the number of hairs upon her head. She is His precious creation. Is He not able to take care of her, today and everyday?

All I do know is that the past 3 years have passed far to quickly for my liking. I can't imagine what the next 15 will feel like. I'm sure they'll go by faster than I want them too. I will have far more letting go to do. 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peach of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7, ESV).  

Dear Lord, guard my heart and mind today. Help me to not be much afraid, but to instead trust you with every aspect of this life you've given me. And do the same with my friends as well. Grant them peace and assurance that You are in control of all things. 

fear

I read a story recently, one that struck me to the core. It's about a nice Christian family who has watched their beautiful life disintegrate around them. I thought about putting more of the details on here, or even linking this post over to their blog. But I wasn't sure if that would really help anything. At this moment they're still living through some horrendous times. I think what they need most right now is a prayer, prayer for a miracle. Perhaps you know the family I'm thinking about. I realize I've stayed pretty vague. If you don't, would you mind praying for them just the same? 

I wish this life held promise that bad things wouldn't happen. But there is no such guarantee. This world we live in is a broken one, filled with tears, loneliness, sickness and death. As much as we don't want to dwell on such things, they do exist. After reading this family's story, I was filled with uncertainty and fear.

Because what happened to this family could happen to me. Life holds no guarantees. No guarantees except Jesus. He is the only one who doesn't change. His promise of life remains true yesterday, today and for all of our tomorrows.

While I may read things that unsettle me, the truth of the matter is that my salvation is secure. I know where I'll spend eternity. Any battle I, or anyone i care about on this earth, may face is only temporal in the grand scheme of things.

This was a lesson I learned while my husband was deployed. It was so easy to fall into fear. So easy to think about everything that could happen. So easy to dwell on what could be.

And so, I took action. I combated worry the only way I knew how, with the word of God. The following verse become my "deployment verse." I know I've shared it many times before on this blog. It truly helped me refocus my worries and what ifs, and instead focus on everything right and true.

Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things. (Philippians 4:8, HCSB).

Truth. God is God. He created us all. He knows our yesterdays, todays and tomorrows and He will see us through each step of the way. Yes, bad things will happen. No, we'll never face them alone. He will hold our hand.

So Jesus, please protect the dear family I read about. Please work a miracle within their lives. And please give me the peace to get through whatever trails my tomorrows may bring.

Anxiety's Hold

I'm so thankful for the few moments i"m getting away this morning. My friend and I have been trading babysitting as of late, which works out well for both of us. She gets a few hours to work on her photography, I get a few hours to write! Plus, our little girls get to play together, so it works out well with everyone. This morning, I was truly in need of a break. Not a break from parenting or chores,  no, I was in need of a break from my brain.

Yesterday, I received some strange news. News that I know is false. My heart knows this, my head even knows this, but still doubts start to creep in. It was just a test result. A result I know can't be correct. Just the same, my brain was going crazy last night. I was searching the internet for every possible scenario. I was starting to become paranoid about it all. I have an appointment to be re-tested for this strange thing, but it's not for over a month. How, my brain asks, will I last that long? Will I go crazy before then? Will I be able to stand the unknowns? The anxious part of my brain tells me that I can't. I can't make it more than a month with these unknowns. That's not the way I function. I'm too much of a worrier to be patient.

But then God starts to intervene.

He reminds me that Anxious Meg still has room to change and grow. Anxiety is something that doesn't have to own me. If I know that something is false, why should I drive myself crazy while I wait for different results? There's really no need to. Instead, I can rest in the blessed assurance of a Savior who knows me and knows the situation. He knows the results are false. I know it's false. So all I have to do is trust Him for different results.

"Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7, HCSB).

Oh how I need my head and my heart guarded today. I don't want this unknown to drive me crazy. I truly want to rest in the wings of the one who owns me (Psalm 61:4).

Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever had a test result, or a person, or a life circumstance tell you one thing, when you know that it's another? How do you deal with the unknowns? How do you grow through the situation?

For me, it's definitely about trust. Trust, and letting go of any anxiety that tries to own me.

I haven't shared the details of this strange test, but could you pray for me? Pray that things get worked out quickly, and that my trust remains up above. Is there anything I can pray for you today? I'd love to join you in bringing our requests, bit and small, to the throne of grace. Because prayer works, my friends.

^"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you believe in Him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" (Romans 15:13, HCSB).

Broken Pieces

“[B]ut our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. He will transform the body of our humble condition into the likeness of His glorious body, by the power that enables Him to subject everything to Himself” (Philippians 3:20-21, HCSB).

 ^“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, and look, new things have come” (2 Corinthians 5:17, HCSB).

^“… just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. He did this to present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless” (Ephesians 5:25-26, HCSB).

Potty training has gone much better the last few days. I’m so thankful for our friends, who have stopped by to keep us company and give us moral support. E actually gained some confidence from being around her potty training friends. Perhaps there is something to group potty training. Nothing like a tiny bit of peer pressure in the right direction

But all that to say, I’ve been greatly encouraged, and inspired to keep on pushing forward with this whole thing. I was definitely stressing about it too much at first, unable to enjoy the process. I’m definitely a bit more at ease now, and ready to just take things as they come. The rest of this month is pretty busy, so it will be interesting how our little potty training girl takes it all. One day at a time, right?

Sometimes I find that the tiniest moments in the day are the most profound. My daughter came up to me this afternoon, after her friends where gone, carrying a plastic egg with a chickadee glued to the front of it. The egg has been played with so much that it won’t stay together any longer. For some reason, Little E was very concerned about this chick. It was broken, and she wanted it fixed. But fixing it was out of my power. I would try to put the pieces clumsily back together again, but it never stayed together for long. As soon as my daughter would take the toy back, it would fall apart once again. My best just wasn’t good enough.

Isn’t it often the same with our lives?

On our own, we can never seem to fix things. As hard as we try, the pieces never quite go back in place. We clumsily try to make our way through this life, but, the fact of the matter is that we need someone greater than ourselves. Someone who can see the bigger picture. Who can make all the pieces fit together again. Or maybe the pieces never fit together again. Maybe a better image is Christ taking all the broken pieces of our lives and creating something beautiful and new, something without cracks, dents and blemishes. Something even better before. This new body and new spirit doesn’t need the old. No, it gets rid of the old and strives toward a new reality, a new destination. A new way of life in which there is no expectation of us fixing everything on our own. Instead, we rely on God to hold us together today and every day. Because He took the pieces and created something more beautiful than we ever imagined. It was in His control, His time, His perfect way.

You're Already Amazing

Today I'm celebrating the gift of friendship, in honor of Holley Gerth's new book, You're Already Amazing.

Back in college I came across one of my most unexpected friends. It was my senior year, my group of friends had been pretty set since Freshmen year. I, honestly, wasn’t looking for a new best friend. At the time I had four jobs, I was finishing my English degree thesis, and applying to grad schools.

Yet, God dropped a friend in my lap just the same.

I loved her candidness.

Her zeal for God.

Her desire to truly set apart Sunday as a day of rest (no homework allowed!).

This friend snuck into my heart, and has found a comfy space every since!

Since those college days we’ve both become wives, we’ve both become mommies, we’ve both traveled hundreds of miles away from the homes we grew up in.

But our hearts are still knit together.

We invest in each other through notes, phone calls and Skype dates, and I love every moment of it!

And so, today, I honor you, Stephanie, because You're Already Amazing.

I'm honored to call you Friend.

"I give thanks to my God for every remembrance of you,  always praying with joy for all of you in my every prayer,  because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. I am sure of this, that He who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to think this way about all of you, because I have you in my heart" (Philippians 1:3-7a, HCSB).

What friend has changed your life for the better?

If you'd like to link on up, head over to www.holleygerth.com and join in the celebration!

Friendship

I love deeply and so, I also hurt deeply. Back in high school this meant that I lived most of my life distanced, afraid to let people close and see the real me. Even as a 16-year-old, I'd already learned that close friendships hurt at the soul.

In college, God began to soften my heart as I let in some life long friends. Friends that knew every part of me and chose to be near me anyway. Friends that stood up next to me on my wedding day. Friends that still call to check in on me and my growing family.

Friends. The military means that my friends are spread all over the globe. Months, years go by between visits, but friends we remain. Sometimes those friendships aren't as intimate as they used to be. My gentle heart is hurt by the distance, but God is there to hold the pieces.

Sometimes I still feel alone. Sometimes I still feel as if few people in this world care enough to know the true me.

But then a friend calls me up and listens to my woes. Although she can't completely understand, she's there to comfort me the best she can.

And then, some ladies come over for a spouse’s night. They fill my home with warmth and funny stories. No, they're not close friends like the college friends. But they're people to connect with. People who care.

And that’s exactly what I needed tonight. Friendship.

 In the end, I am left feeling blessed. I felt alone, but my God reminded me that I am always close to His heart.

^“And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19, HCSB)

He follows me everywhere...

"If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast" (Psalm 139:9-10, NIV).

As the end of our trip approaches, I can't help but be thankful for the blessings of family. Yes, it's strange living under the same roof with all of them again. On my own, I have my own system. My own way of keeping my house up and running. When I'm back in my mother's house, I feel like a bit of an outsider. I feel like I'm in a world I don't exactly belong in anymore. Just the same, it's great laughing and talking with some of the people that know me best in this world. It's great watching my small daughter form a relationship with her grandparents and uncle, one that will only become more beautiful with time. And it's great having people to chat with in the evenings.

A part of me is nervous about returning home next week. Nervous about what it will be like when little girl and i are on our own. These last few weeks have not been easy. Little girl has been a horribly restless sleeper. Sometimes she'll wake up and cry for hours on end. It's been nice having people around to help me on those long nights. The lies in my head tell me that it will only be worse when we're back home.

But then I'm reminded of how far I've come. How little girl and I did handle things before. How we're returning, not only to our house, but to friends and a church family that love and care for us. But most of all, I'm reminded that God will not stay on this side of the country, when I board that plane home. No, He'll follow me back across the long miles, and continue to be my comfortor and provider.

My verse for this deployment (Phillippians 4:8) tells me to focus on the truths of God, not the lies of this world. Our mind can be such a battle field, but our God is so much bigger!

Do you have a special verse in your life right now? If so, what is it? How is it helping you?

Thankful hearts

^“Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God” (Philippians 4:6, HCSB)

Last week I looked at Philippians 4 and found some great promises of peace. Peace that frees us from worry and doubt. Peace that covers over feelings of loneliness and insufficiency. The key with this peace was that we had to give our worries and cares over to Jesus. We couldn’t hold tight to the cares of this world. Philippians 4:6 says something additionally. It says that we must pray with thanksgiving, giving all of those cares to Jesus. I think, often, I miss that word, thanksgiving. I give the worries and cares to God, but I still don’t have a very thankful heart. I still see all of the insufficient areas in my life. I still see things that are less than perfect. I try to give it all to God, but I have trouble connecting my feelings of insufficiency with thanksgiving.

That’s why I’m thankful for God’s grace. I’m thankful that I serve a God who knows me in and out. He knows my struggles, my worries, my cares, before I even speak them. He longs to breathe peace into my life. He blesses me day-in and day-out, He’s only waiting for me to ask.

Ask for his peace.

Ask for his love.

Ask for Him to open my eyes to all of the blessings around me.

He’s ready to give me a heart of thanksgiving.

A heart at peace.

But am I ready to ask?

This post is a part of Tuesdays Unwrapped. Come join my friends over there, and unwrap the gifts we each have hidden in our lives today.

Hearts of Peace

^“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your graciousness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:4-7).

This Christmas season, I am soaking up the book of Philippians. There are so many challenges, and so much encouragement found in these chapters. Philippians 4, in particular, has really been challenging my focus. It reminds me to keep my eyes directed up above. It challenges me to let go of all my worries and cares, and to allow peace to invade my heart and my life.

And boy, do I need peace. Peace often seems to be in direct opposition to the world around me. My husband is away from us this Christmas because this world isn’t at peace. There are battles going on, near and far, because people cannot get along.  But the battles aren’t only physical ones, they’re mental as well. People worry through way through this life. Health, finances, relationships, there are all kinds of things to dwell and stew over, if we don’t let peace invade.

Philippians 4:7, offers an intriguing promise. The Apostle Paul writes that this peace of God, which is past anything we could possible understand, will guard our hearts and minds.

I love that phrase, “guard our hearts and minds.” It’s such a wonderful image of God taking control and protecting us from the external and internal battles we face. I really need that promise this Holiday season. I need my heart and mind protected from loneliness, from worry, from business. I need my heart to be focused on the things that truly matter: family, friends, and, most of all, salvation in Jesus Christ.

My prayer for all of you is that you, too, will experience the Peace of God this Christmas season. He’s ready and willing to give it to you, if only you ask.

Let There Be Peace.

His boyhood home

I sat in the backyard, slowly pushing my legs to make the swing sway. The warm sun beat down on my face as I watched my husband’s childhood dog run back and forth, chasing after some imaginary adversary. For the most part the world was quiet as I sat and soaked in this experience. This experience of staying in my husband’s childhood home. Yes, we’ve visited this home before. But with him gone, the experience was quite different. His footprints were everywhere, from the artwork in the guestroom, complete with his handprints, to the bookshelves on the walls that he once built. Even his self-portrait in the hallway reminds me that I’m staying in a house filled with memories of his voice, his footsteps, his touch. It makes him feel so close. It’s a wonderfully lonely feeling, one I both love and hate.

During our visit, it would have been easy to dwell in the immense loneliness that such memories bring. Instead, I took to heart some verses that my husband shared with me shortly before Thanksgiving:

^“Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things” (Philippians 4:8, HCSB).

Moment by moment I chose to dwell on everything true and lovely about this Thanksgiving. I chose to look at all of the blessings right around me, extended family that has accepted me as their own, a husband that loves me, a beautiful daughter growing strong. These are all of the truths in my life. These are the things I chose to focus on each and every day.

A praying-every-second kind of day

There are days when I can’t help but see God’s majesty. As the air gets cooler and the leaves begin to change, I see the beautiful canvass of this world set before me and I can't help but smile. There's really nothing better than taking in the Autumn leaves while sipping on a cup of tea. I'm content in those times.

But there are other days as well, days when I doubt, days when the world around me looks bleak, days when I emotionally can’t handle anything else.

And so I pray.

I offer up my insecurities and fears. I persist in perusing my Savior and trust Him to fill in the gaps. I choose to see the good in each and every situation.

I pray by the day, the hour, the minute, the second. If constant prayer is what it takes, then so be it.

I give my concerns time and again back to the One who is truly in control.

It's a battle that I'm determined to give over to my Savior. It's a battle I was never meant to fight on my own.

It's a battle for joy, for peace, for contentment. The enemy tries to steal beautiful moments from me, moments my Savior has given me to enjoy. And so, by praying, I embrace each moment God has given me in this life.

Do you ever have praying-every-second kinds of days?

^“Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer” (Romans 12:12 HCSB).

“With every prayer and request, pray at all times in the Spirit, and stay alert in this, with all perseverance and intercession for all the saints” (Ephesians 6:18 HCSB).

^“Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God” (Philippians 4:6 HCSB).

“Devote yourselves to prayer; stay alert in it with thanksgiving” (Colossians 4:2, HCSB).

When fear sneaks in

Most days I’m fine. I realize that the deployment is quickly approaching, but I’m busy living life, taking care of the house, playing with my daughter, running errands, attending Bible studies and meeting up with friends with coffee. I’m a busy girl, I like life that way.

But then, it hits me. I realize how much I will absolutely miss him while he’s away, and I start to fear.

In those moments I take back all of the things I’ve given to God and hold them in my hands once again.

For me, fear and worry go hand in hand.

If I’m fearful, I’m worrying about something. I have a very active imagination, so this is a bad road to go down. In fact, I think Satan knows just how dangerous fear is for me. He preys on my mind if I let Him.

So I try no to. As soon as I realize what’s happening, I vanquish that fear with truth. Truth of God’s love for me. Truth found in His scriptures. Truth about this beautiful life I live. Truth that God has always provided and always will.

Truth.

If I have to plaster this following verse all over my house during this deployment I will. I truly want to dwell on these things:

“Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things” (Philippians 4:8, HCSB).

What do you know to be true?

The Overly Clingy Wife

As this deployment nears I want to hold on even tighter. I want to stop living outside of the house and spend every single second with my husband. I feel anything but strong and courageous at the moment. I feel like I’m on the edge of fear. And so, I try to hold on even tighter. I try to stay in control.

And then the Lord whispers to me.

He asks me if I trust Him.

He asks me to loosen my grip just a bit.

And then, as I open my hands, as I let go of my obsessive, clingy tendencies, peace sweeps in.

Peace invades my life.

And I find it slightly easier to leave the house in the evening for prayer groups, committee meetings and girls night out.

In fact, I find myself feeling revitalized after those evenings away.

Because God knows that I need that time.

He knows that my heart needs refreshment and encouragement.

He knows that I need some space.

He knows what will happen when I let go: He will have room to provide, to move, to grow us through this deployment. He will have room for His glory to be shown.

“And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19, HCSB).

Satisfying Our Needs

If you have a moment check out this link. It's to one of the blogs I read regularly. What Lysa TerKeurst had to say today spoke directly to my heart. The world tells us that we can satisfy our needs through things, through food, through people, but God tells us that only He can ultimately satisfy our needs!

^"And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19, HCSB).

Those Early Morning Hours

“Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every though, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers, what whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things” (Philippians: 4:6-9, HCSB).

It’s the early morning hours that get me. It’s that time of day when I’m stumbling around, changing diapers, feeding the baby her bottle, and desperately needing a cup of coffee, that my mind is the most unguarded. It’s then that Satan likes to prey on my fears. It’s then that he draws up my worries and anxieties about this coming deployment. My brain tells me I can’t do it. I’m not cut out for this. I’m not strong enough. I won’t be able to take care of my little girl on my own. My brain asks how I’ll handle sickness, how I’ll handle those stressful days without my husband close by.

But my heart tells a different story. My heart reminds me that I serve a faithful God. My heart reminds me to focus on everything that is right and true. My heart reminds me how much closer I’ll grow to God through this experience. My heart reminds me to take captive every thought and to let my Jesus reign over each day.

If I only listened to my head I’d be a basket case. But instead, I’m learning to pay more attention to my heart. I’m learning to listen to that inner voice of my Savior, who whispers quietly and reminds me that He is there.

So be encouraged dear friends, that you never face this world alone. Vanquish all of the evil, self-degrading thoughts and focus instead on the wonderful words of your Savior. Scripture can be such a powerful form of encouragement. I don’t believe it was happenstance that I was reading Philippians 4 in my devotions this morning. No, I serve a Savior that directs our hearts and minds toward what is right and true. He gave me exactly what I needed to read this morning. He’s just amazing like that!

What is God saying to your heart this morning?

Words

Words. I need words. Sometimes I struggle. My day is busy. Guests are visiting. And I really don’t know what to write. I don’t know what to write in this place that I come to. But for some reason I need this place, for some reason I long for a moment or two of quiet. A moment when I can write down my thoughts and prayers and place them on this blog.

And so, I distract the baby for a minute or two. I find a quiet spot to sit. And I pray that God will speak to me. I don’t often have very long. Before I know it the baby will be crying. In fact, there she is now. Sigh. I’m glad I serve a patient God who understands the restraints of a new mommy. Because I truly wish I had more time to write each day. Before I leave to check on her, I’ll give you a thought to ponder.

In my devotions I recently reached Philippians 1. I love this portion of scripture. I know I’ve written about it before. It’s a chapter that reminds me how truly thankful I am for the people in my life. It’s a chapter that reminds me to strive for what is right and true in my own life. Paul writes,

^“I give thanks to my God for every remembrance of you, always praying with joy for all of you in my every prayer” (Philippians 1: 3-4 HCSB).  After reading this, I asked myself how often I truly pray for the people in my life. Yes, I pray for them when their sick or struggling, but do I simply thank God for them? Do I pray for them on the good days? Do I send up prayers of thanksgiving for them? This is one area of my prayer life that could definitely improve.

And so there you have it. I did find some words to write after all. The words, I suppose, are prayers of joy and thankfulness for the people who make up my life.
What about you? What have you been learning through your devotions? What area of your prayer life might need improvement?

I Have You In My Heart

“I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart” (Philippians 1:3-7a NIV).

Distance can be such a rough thing. Friends who were once an intricate part of my day-to-day life are now stretched across thousands of miles. While we do our best to stay in touch through phone calls, emails, and social networking sites, it’s never quite the same. We move on with our lives, cherishing the memories, but looking toward the future, as well we should. But just the same, my heart aches for those friendships. My heart aches for the carefree days of college, when we would sit over bagels before church or make a late night run for ice cream. I miss the days of cramming for exams and watching marathons of our favorite tv shows. I miss the craziness and laughter that ensued when we’d had too little sleep and too much caffeine. I miss the days after college when I lived in an apartment with 3 of my college friends. We knew each other inside and out, and loved each other despite our quirky traits. I miss standing up as a bridesmaid when those same three friends got married, and the day that those friends did the same for me. There are so many things that I miss. But I also know that there is no going back. God has placed each of us on separate roads in this life. Each road has it’s own, amazing adventures in store.
It’s only by looking back that I can see God’s plan in it all. How he’s placed each friend in my life for a time and a season. I now see how each person I’ve held dear to my heart has left their imprint deep inside. Each person had something to teach me. And for that I’m thankful. Thankfulness won’t take away the loneliness. Thankfulness won’t take away the nostalgia. But thankfulness does put things in perspective. Because God’s not done with any of us yet. He is continually putting new friends, new kindred spirits in our paths, who will bless us in these new chapters of our lives. And while it may hurt to one day say goodbye, I’m ready to open my heart up to love and friendship once again. Because there’s no better place to be then in someone’s heart.

I Have You In My Heart

When I was a little girl I used to ride my bike around the neighborhood where we lived. The most fascinating thing for me was a group of houses in what was called a cul-de-sac. I used to love riding around this cul-de-sac, and dreaming about what it would be like if my one set of grandparents lived in one of the houses, my other grandparents in the next house, my aunt and uncle in the next house, and so on. I dreamed of a life where I played with my cousins more often than once or twice a year. While I loved my life with my family, distance was something I grew up loving to hate. My parents weren’t in the military, but they still settled far across the country from their loved ones. It’s only now that I realize how growing up far away from extended family would one day help me adapt to life in the military.

It’s painful to think about all the little events I miss in my family and friends lives. Yet, with each move, it’s amazing how God puts a new friends and “family” in the life of my husband and me. He never fails to provide.

And so, I do everything I can to stay in contact with those I love. Phone calls, emails, snail mail, blogs and Facebook. I do whatever I can to stay in contact. Even at this, at times I’m just plain lonely. At times I wish, once again, that all those I loved lived in a cul-de-sac together. It would be so convenient. But even then, I’m sure I’d have to work on the relationships. There’s nothing like distance to remind me of how much my family and friends truly mean to me.

In Philippians 1 the Apostle Paul was writing to his dear friends at the church of Philippi, although I’m not in prison like Paul, I identify with the words he writes. He, too, had many friends that lived far away. These words he wrote were words of encouragement and love. They’re words that express exactly how I fell about my loved ones. These words also remind me of the importance of prayer. While I can’t always be close to those I care about, I can do a very important thing for them, pray. I encourage you to do the same the next time you feel lonely. Here’s what Paul writes:

“I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God” (Philippians 1:3-11).

Rejoice

Hello friends,

I have many mixed things on my heart today. Can you pray for me? Mixed emotions are running through my heart, I don’t know quite what to say at the moment. Just the same, I’m rejoicing.

Why you may ask? Because yesterday at church I was reminded of the wonderful gift of joy. Our assistant pastor preached about true joy that can only come from God. This is the kind of joy that doesn’t depend on circumstances, but is there despite circumstances. It’s the kind of joy that doesn’t come from a church, a book, or a mate, but only from God.

Our assistant pastor referenced Philippians 4:4-7, which I’d like to share with you now:

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (NIV).

I have such a tendency to worry about the future, about what might happen in this coming year. These verses remind me that God doesn’t want a life of anxiousness for us, but a life of peace and joy. I feel that this is something important for all of us to grasp, whether our husbands are nearby at the moment, or deployed overseas. God is our ultimate joy giver. Perhaps you’re a bit anxious like me today. Perhaps you’re tired and overworked. Perhaps you’ve let the business of life get to you, and you don’t know the last time you’ve slowed down enough to really enjoy God’s creation. If so, my encouragement for you today is to slow down, find a quiet spot to pray, and rejoice in our Lord and Savior.

With a joyful heart, whatever we face in the coming days will look entirely different.

Lord, give me some peace please?

When I heard my husband was going to be deployed, one of the things I struggled with the most was finding peace about the situation. I was worried about my husband’s safety while he was over seas. I was worried about living in a house by myself. I was worried about taking care of the household finances. I was worried about traveling to visit family on my own. I was worried about going to the store, at night without my personal bodyguard (aka husband) by my side. I was anxious about all of these things. Any sense of peace was far from me. In essence, I was a mess. I really needed to ask the Lord for help.
Luke 11:10 says,
“For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened” (NIV).
God was ready and waiting to give me peace, when I asked for it.
That peace made such a difference in how I looked at the impending deployment. Yes, I still had times when I worried, but beneath it all, I felt God’s comfort through it all.
Here are a few verses on peace that I hold close to my heart. Hopefully they’ll be a blessing to you as well:
•    “The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace” (Psalm 29:11 NIV).
•    You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you” (Isaiah 26:3 NIV).
•    “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7 NIV).